OldSkool

Hello all,
I have been worried about my sisters drinking for some time, but didnt think she was truly alcoholic. Last Thanksgiving, I visited home and had some unfortunate events around her drinking. I tried to provide some help and help her realize she needed treatment, but the family nor her really wanted to hear it. After all, I am the alcoholic in the family, and they just wanted to turn it back on me. (which I know I need help, but...)

She was able to set it down for a while and things got better, so I thought, hey maybe shes ok. Well shes not. She lost her job a while back, and the drinking has started back up. She drinks in a very deliberate, damaging manner. She goes straight for the hard stuff, loves her vodka, and it turns her into a monster. Her anger and fear get way worse when drinking, and she prefers to be alone. I had a talk with her tonight that absolutely broke my heart, I have tears streaming down my face now...she loses total control when drinking.

She was at a long time friends party that they have every year. The ironic part is that my parents were invited and had accepted weeks earlier. They had an alcoholic friend passing through town, and declined the invitation at the last minute because they were afraid he might embarrass them. So my sister went alone, and did tons of damage. Imagine the irony, bc they dont think she has a problem....

She got drunk, and got the bright idea to steal like half the bars stock of liquor...man stuff she doesnt even drink. She was caught and confronted, she had a friend driving. The host of the party came out and said we heard your taking bottles from the bar. They made her open the car and there they were, Johnny Walker, gin, vodka, you name it. And she of course was making excuses like you didnt need this anyway...etc etc

Anyway, I talked to her tonight and she was telling me how awful it was, the part that makes me hurt , is I could hear in her voice she didnt really mean it. I pleaded for her to get help, but she didnt sound entirely convinced. Man Im devastated. I even told her about Robin Williams today, so sad.

I just never wanted this for her, I have provided enough pain for my family. (my mother nor father drink, in fact are rather unforgiving when it comes to these things.) I m just like NO NO NO NO !!! She has always looked up to me and Im afraid shes trying to follow in my tracks. Ive learned to live with my life as an alcoholic,I cant bear watching her go through this.

Sorry to go on so long, I just.... its been a sad day.
I am not one to shed tears man. Remember, Im old school.

MythOfSisyphus

Sorry about your sister, OldSkool. It's painful to see someone do this to themselves but what can you do? Just be there for her if she decides she's ready to change, but I'm sure you realize that change must be initiated from within.

Hang in there, and sorry for what you're dealing with.

DisplacedGRITS

So how is your sobriety going, OldSkool? I saw in your story about you knowing that you need help. Are you getting that help? As an alcoholic, I denied my problem when confronted by family. Even friend's concerns were easily dismissed. I didn't want to hear it. They had their own problems solo why were they nosing about mine? It wasn't until I got desperate and spoke to a sober alcoholic stranger that I was finally ready to listen. It took a stranger to get through to me because I didn't know them and couldn't judge them. Also, they were talking to me and they had no reason to. It was a conversation that wasn't tinged by past actions, resentments and regrets.

If you're still struggling with your own sobriety, I think it's time to take the bull by the horns and address your problems. You can't fix your sister. Only she can do that. What you can do is lead by example and be a source of inspiration for her. Clean up your house and let her see you as someone who has something that she wants. That's the best way you can help her.

GracieLou

She is not following in your tracks, she is making her own. We are not responsible for the actions of others, we are only responsible for ourselves. Do not make her problems, your problems.

It is hard when we see loved ones doing the same things we did. As an alcoholic I can spot another active alcoholic a mile away but other than offering to take them to a meeting or share some of my experiences, if they want to hear them, that is about all I can do. I have to wait until they are ready to get help.

Pray for her and continue on your recovery. Your example as a sober person may have more influence then the example that drank.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your pain OldSkool. I agree with Gracie tho - she's making her own tracks - this is not your fault.

I hope she'll have a moment of clarity like you and I did. It's not beyond anyone OldSkool

D

Rosie88

I'm so sorry. :-(

I agree with everyone else here, she has to be the one who wants to change. I know if that were my family trying to get me help and if it was before I was ready to tackle it, it'd probably be hostile.

Focus on yourself and set a good example (I believe someone else has mentioned this too). Don't let the stress eat you alive. Be there for her. Hopefully she'll see all the good you're doing and decide that enough is enough.

Things will pan themselves out. Keep your chin up!

OldSkool

Thanks you all for the replies, I think what you all are saying makes sense. Thanks again.