I do NOT want to feel this way....I just don't
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I do NOT want to feel this way....I just don't
Suicide. I will never understand. Sad for the ones left behind, just wondering. Coulda', woulda', shoulda'. My family has been the last ones standing and it is heartbreaking. Heartbreaking forever. Addicts, celebrity or not, young or old, doesn't matter. So why am I denying myself my DOC.... Why not give myself some peace before the final curtain? Just out of rehab in June, suicide two months later. Where was his hope? Where is your hope? I feel so sad and ****** up inside. My head hurts and I just want to sleep for a month. I am not liking the way I feel right now.
Peace and hope to you. Blessings.
Pam.
Peace and hope to you. Blessings.
Pam.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
So why am I denying myself my DOC.... Why not give myself some peace before the final curtain?
because the booze-peace isn't real, Pam.
and i hope you will find ways to peace for yourself , positive ways to real peacefulness.
booze and DOC's ain't where that's at.
because the booze-peace isn't real, Pam.
and i hope you will find ways to peace for yourself , positive ways to real peacefulness.
booze and DOC's ain't where that's at.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Pam, I know how you feel. I remember when Whitney Houston died thinking the same thing at the time. "Eff it, why not just use (drink, in my case)?"
Tonight in my AA meeting we spent the last 10 minutes talking about Robin Williams and someone voiced something similar to what you said and what I thought awhile ago when Whitney died.
Thing is, as tragic as his death is, it didn't need to be. This disease will certainly take all the power we give to it and try to kill us...but there is no reason to ever, ever give up. And as tragic as suicide is for the person who took his/her own life, it's 1000xs worse for those left behind. I know that from first hand experience with an alcoholic family member who was battling mental illness and decided to take his life when I was a kid. It was devastating. I can't even imagine the hell that his wife and kids are experiencing right now.
And for all the Robin Williams and Whitney Houstons, there are thousands upon thousands of others who keep fighting the good fight and, by their example, give each of us the courage to keep going.
My dear friend Nuudawn said on another thread that we are each part of the fabric of life and we each play a role and you never know when one word, one look, will save another person's life. Wise, wise words.
Hang in there, your strong spirit has always inspired me, and I am sure I am not in the minority here.
Hugs and prayers to you tonight. It's OK to be sad, but this too shall pass.
Tonight in my AA meeting we spent the last 10 minutes talking about Robin Williams and someone voiced something similar to what you said and what I thought awhile ago when Whitney died.
Thing is, as tragic as his death is, it didn't need to be. This disease will certainly take all the power we give to it and try to kill us...but there is no reason to ever, ever give up. And as tragic as suicide is for the person who took his/her own life, it's 1000xs worse for those left behind. I know that from first hand experience with an alcoholic family member who was battling mental illness and decided to take his life when I was a kid. It was devastating. I can't even imagine the hell that his wife and kids are experiencing right now.
And for all the Robin Williams and Whitney Houstons, there are thousands upon thousands of others who keep fighting the good fight and, by their example, give each of us the courage to keep going.
My dear friend Nuudawn said on another thread that we are each part of the fabric of life and we each play a role and you never know when one word, one look, will save another person's life. Wise, wise words.
Hang in there, your strong spirit has always inspired me, and I am sure I am not in the minority here.
Hugs and prayers to you tonight. It's OK to be sad, but this too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Central KY
Posts: 40
I too was very bothered by this
Raider,
Robin Williams death has also left me very troubled. It was interesting when they said he was going in to rehab to "refresh his sobriety" but denied he had relapsed. They were trying to protect his image, its unfortunate how many people look down on alcoholics as pieces of cr*p. I am vrey disturbed, an dit goes to show how alcoholism does not discriminate.
I further found out today that my sister drinking has turned into full blown alcoholism, I am very worried for her. I am afraid she is following down my very path.
Sad day.
Robin Williams death has also left me very troubled. It was interesting when they said he was going in to rehab to "refresh his sobriety" but denied he had relapsed. They were trying to protect his image, its unfortunate how many people look down on alcoholics as pieces of cr*p. I am vrey disturbed, an dit goes to show how alcoholism does not discriminate.
I further found out today that my sister drinking has turned into full blown alcoholism, I am very worried for her. I am afraid she is following down my very path.
Sad day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
I feel your pain. One of my friends, and member of my NA home group, just committed suicide on Wednesday night.
That's where addiction takes us - death. It hurts so bad but it's a harsh reminder that that is without a shadow of a doubt going to be me if I don't stay sober. I WILL die. I should be dead already with all the crap I've pulled and I'm only 18. I can't imagine how terrible my life would be, if I would even still be alive, in 5 years from now If I don't stay sober.
God bless.
That's where addiction takes us - death. It hurts so bad but it's a harsh reminder that that is without a shadow of a doubt going to be me if I don't stay sober. I WILL die. I should be dead already with all the crap I've pulled and I'm only 18. I can't imagine how terrible my life would be, if I would even still be alive, in 5 years from now If I don't stay sober.
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Pam... I'm glad you posted this. I understand how you feel now; I feel very ***ed up myself today and it had nothing to do with his death initially, I literally just heard the news a couple hours ago. I woke up in a depressed mood already and then had a day full of troubles, and this news... I also had friends die of suicide and other ways due to addiction and depression. I am with you tonight about the feeling. Hang in there, we can do better!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
When my gran died i used it as an excuse to go on a 3 day binge .
I made her death all about me (selfish drunk) and i wasn't there for my dad , aunt or uncle .
For our addictions to use someone else's death as a justification to use is not very nice, i really didn't want to be that selfish person anymore when i realised what it had turned me into .
My Gran died on the 1st of september 2011 i realised this and haven't had a drink since the 3rd of sept 2011 .
Be clear whats going on here P , stay strong , m
I made her death all about me (selfish drunk) and i wasn't there for my dad , aunt or uncle .
For our addictions to use someone else's death as a justification to use is not very nice, i really didn't want to be that selfish person anymore when i realised what it had turned me into .
My Gran died on the 1st of september 2011 i realised this and haven't had a drink since the 3rd of sept 2011 .
Be clear whats going on here P , stay strong , m
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
So why am I denying myself my DOC.... Why not give myself some peace before the final curtain?
I don't know why people suicide - I know why I tried, and it was because I fell for the lie that I would always feel that way - that despair.
I think that voice was a different manifestation of the addictive voice we all know.
They both lie and we have to never ever forget that,
D
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I read an article last night regarding Robin's struggle with addiction. He talks about a relapse with drinking where one day he was passing little bottles of Jack Daniels..and a voice told him "it was alright..just have one.no big deal". He bought it. He drank it.
He referred to that voice as his "lower power". I hadn't heard that term before but I found it incredibly interesting...
I would sometimes get exhausted just watching that man in interview...that mind going constantly..it was hard to keep up with his rapid fire associations. Many articles have spoken of his bi polar issue..
He left an astounding legacy. I feel only sadness and loss...and perhaps greater insight into the importance of managing our own minds, spirit...
Robin was subject to an uber competitive, unfair to the aging...oh I could go on and on bout the soulless he may have witnessed in that industry.
Hope you are feeling better bout all things Raider.
He referred to that voice as his "lower power". I hadn't heard that term before but I found it incredibly interesting...
I would sometimes get exhausted just watching that man in interview...that mind going constantly..it was hard to keep up with his rapid fire associations. Many articles have spoken of his bi polar issue..
He left an astounding legacy. I feel only sadness and loss...and perhaps greater insight into the importance of managing our own minds, spirit...
Robin was subject to an uber competitive, unfair to the aging...oh I could go on and on bout the soulless he may have witnessed in that industry.
Hope you are feeling better bout all things Raider.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Raider 
Where was his hope? Where is your hope?
Interestingly, the more I do it, the more I have it.
My AV likes to tell me there is no pont in hoping. My AV is full of ****.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
If we could find peace, real peace through our DOC we'd all be using right now instead of a site about recovery! We can NEVER afford to forget that this is a disease! It must be treated as such for real peace to ever have a chance! Stay strong Pam and reach out!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by jakec
I feel your pain. One of my friends, and member of my NA home group, just committed suicide on Wednesday night.
That's where addiction takes us - death. It hurts so bad but it's a harsh reminder that that is without a shadow of a doubt going to be me if I don't stay sober. I WILL die. I should be dead already with all the crap I've pulled and I'm only 18. I can't imagine how terrible my life would be, if I would even still be alive, in 5 years from now If I don't stay sober.
God bless.
That's where addiction takes us - death. It hurts so bad but it's a harsh reminder that that is without a shadow of a doubt going to be me if I don't stay sober. I WILL die. I should be dead already with all the crap I've pulled and I'm only 18. I can't imagine how terrible my life would be, if I would even still be alive, in 5 years from now If I don't stay sober.
God bless.
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