3 year roller coaster ride
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
3 year roller coaster ride
Hello all,
I recently discovered SR and have been reading posts for several days. It seems to be a tremendous source of support for many. I'm grateful to have found it.
My battle with addiction began fairly recently, but it plunged me to depths I could never have omagined. I've had periods of months to weeks to days of sobriety throughout this time, and am now on day 5 of my most recent attempt to maintain sobriety. I've lost more than I could ever have imagined,and don't want to lose any more. This site feels like a godsend right now.
I recently discovered SR and have been reading posts for several days. It seems to be a tremendous source of support for many. I'm grateful to have found it.
My battle with addiction began fairly recently, but it plunged me to depths I could never have omagined. I've had periods of months to weeks to days of sobriety throughout this time, and am now on day 5 of my most recent attempt to maintain sobriety. I've lost more than I could ever have imagined,and don't want to lose any more. This site feels like a godsend right now.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
Thanks all... a place to share my story, find support when I struggle, get others' perspectives, and hopefully a chance to lend support to others....
By the way, the last two of these five days? I think I've eaten more than I have in the last six months!!
By the way, the last two of these five days? I think I've eaten more than I have in the last six months!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
My family and friends think that I am much further along in recovery. When I relapse, I go right back to my habit of isolating. Only my fiance knows that I have relapsed multiple times. Its too much to burden him with, even as supportive as he's been. He's carrying my children and me financially and emotionally right now, and I'm wracked with guilt and remorse (for that and so many other reasons). I lost my job of 20 years back in December because of drinking. Also lost all my savings, retirement, kids college accoubts, etc. I'm struggling with the fact that I have added challenges of addiction, a very public dui in a very small state, and being fired - on top of the normal difficulties of finding a non profit sector job in a tough market
Overwhelming.
Overwhelming.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
I've put my children though so much hell- the chaos and fear surrounding addiction and its consequences are traumatic for adults - sheer torture for kids.
I went to jail for 13 days and tried to hide it from family and friends. When my family found out, they were shocked, angry, devestated.....
I've wreacked havoc all around, and thought I'd be so much further along at this point. I feel like, Enough Already! I just want a "normal", kinda happy life for us all. God the grip of addiction is so powerful.
I went to jail for 13 days and tried to hide it from family and friends. When my family found out, they were shocked, angry, devestated.....
I've wreacked havoc all around, and thought I'd be so much further along at this point. I feel like, Enough Already! I just want a "normal", kinda happy life for us all. God the grip of addiction is so powerful.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
Good morning to all. I actually got a good night's sleep,with the help of my prescribed meds. I have chronic insomnia, as well as clinical depression and anxiety.....
I have so much to do,and have been so unmotivated to do anything.
My house is in shambles. That's where I want to,start. But there's so much to do I'm once again overwhelmed.....
I have so much to do,and have been so unmotivated to do anything.
My house is in shambles. That's where I want to,start. But there's so much to do I'm once again overwhelmed.....
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
Aaaaand,...on day 6 after a truly good night's sleep, I woke up with the "****-its" again, and actually started thinking about going to the package store. This is after I told myself I was likely to die if I continued drinking. Still half way flirting with these thoughts.....need some help. Any suggestions?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
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Thank you. Despite multiple stressors, I'm hanging on if only by a thread. Alcohol will only make things worse, I know. The allure of oblivion is strong, but I've got to be stonger. Somehow.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
If you can, try to take one thing at a time instead of looking at the entire picture.
If you want to do something around then house then pick one thing, like cleaning a cupboard or a closet and just do that. Nothing else, just that. It can help getting something accomplished without the weight of trying to get everything in order at once.
This is what I did. Some days all I did was wash two windows but it helped. Other days I got really motivated and did more but try not to wear yourself out.
Recognize HALT as triggers. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If you get a craving make sure you look at these four feelings. It can be one or many. Angry and tired were big ones for me.
Keep up the good work, everything is going to be okay
If you want to do something around then house then pick one thing, like cleaning a cupboard or a closet and just do that. Nothing else, just that. It can help getting something accomplished without the weight of trying to get everything in order at once.
This is what I did. Some days all I did was wash two windows but it helped. Other days I got really motivated and did more but try not to wear yourself out.
Recognize HALT as triggers. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If you get a craving make sure you look at these four feelings. It can be one or many. Angry and tired were big ones for me.
Keep up the good work, everything is going to be okay
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CT
Posts: 116
Thank you Gracie, good advice. I try to do that each day, and balance wit doing something fun with my boys. My ex left me with a lot of mess both inside and outside the house...trying to just forge ahead, let go of paralysis and resentment. Since I'm not working,I feel like I should be able to focus energy and efforts in these areas.....
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