63 days sober and struggling!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: london
Posts: 7
63 days sober and struggling!
Hello,
I'm finding staying sober harder then I thought.
I was admitted into hospital on the 10th of June with yellow eyes, a swollen liver and vomiting blood.
After 8 years of heavy drinking that spiralled out of control in 2012 when my relationship broke down and my partner left me I hit rock bottom I stopped sleeping and would drink a bottle of brandy every night and 3 bottles of wine in the day I hardly ate or left the house.
i hated my self and was
sick and tired of the shame and embarrassment i coursed and completely isolated myself from friends and family frightening them off with alcohol psychosis that I had started suffering.
I was ready to die but also desperately wanted a chance to get better and live.
I was stronger then I thought and completed a 8 day detox in hospital witch felt like hell going trough scary DTs, all over pain and the rest.
but I did it and felt grate for doing it and now have my family back in my life. but that grate feeling didn't last I cant sleep or function right, I find learning new skills very hard, my memory is really bad I am also in so much debt from not paying any bills since my partner left. I cant cope and obsessively crave a day off from being on this sober roller coaster of high and lows.
JUST ONE DAY OFF to get drunk out my head.
What's wrong with me??
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I'm finding staying sober harder then I thought.
I was admitted into hospital on the 10th of June with yellow eyes, a swollen liver and vomiting blood.
After 8 years of heavy drinking that spiralled out of control in 2012 when my relationship broke down and my partner left me I hit rock bottom I stopped sleeping and would drink a bottle of brandy every night and 3 bottles of wine in the day I hardly ate or left the house.
i hated my self and was
sick and tired of the shame and embarrassment i coursed and completely isolated myself from friends and family frightening them off with alcohol psychosis that I had started suffering.
I was ready to die but also desperately wanted a chance to get better and live.
I was stronger then I thought and completed a 8 day detox in hospital witch felt like hell going trough scary DTs, all over pain and the rest.
but I did it and felt grate for doing it and now have my family back in my life. but that grate feeling didn't last I cant sleep or function right, I find learning new skills very hard, my memory is really bad I am also in so much debt from not paying any bills since my partner left. I cant cope and obsessively crave a day off from being on this sober roller coaster of high and lows.
JUST ONE DAY OFF to get drunk out my head.
What's wrong with me??
[/LEFT]
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Jay88 -
I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. I know you have heard it before, but drinking tonight won't help solve any of the problems you are facing.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are just like me, an alcoholic. My belief is that I have a body chemistry and genetics that makes alcohol affect me differently from others. Not my fault, but I still must deal with it by not drinking.
I don't like to give advice on SR (rather only to share my personal experience), but it feels like you need to reach out for help immediately. Why not go to an AA meeting and see if there is someone there who has a similar experience to you who could help?
One day of drinking with your history could lead to very bad things, so why not try AA. What do you have to lose?
I will be thinking of you tonight. Just don't drink today and then start tomorrow fresh. Hang in there.
I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. I know you have heard it before, but drinking tonight won't help solve any of the problems you are facing.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are just like me, an alcoholic. My belief is that I have a body chemistry and genetics that makes alcohol affect me differently from others. Not my fault, but I still must deal with it by not drinking.
I don't like to give advice on SR (rather only to share my personal experience), but it feels like you need to reach out for help immediately. Why not go to an AA meeting and see if there is someone there who has a similar experience to you who could help?
One day of drinking with your history could lead to very bad things, so why not try AA. What do you have to lose?
I will be thinking of you tonight. Just don't drink today and then start tomorrow fresh. Hang in there.
Best After Date:June 12, 2011
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canadian
Posts: 123
It sounds like paws. Post acute withdrawal syndrome. Here is just the first link google gave me. You can search and find many tips to help deal with paws.
Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms | Alcohol Rehab
Congrats on 63 days!!! Stick with it.
Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms | Alcohol Rehab
Congrats on 63 days!!! Stick with it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: london
Posts: 7
Thank you newme11109,
and you are right one day of drinking could lead to very bad things, so I'm not going to drink tonight and I will try to get to a AA meeting tomorrow I think it will help me to not feel so alone.
thank you
and you are right one day of drinking could lead to very bad things, so I'm not going to drink tonight and I will try to get to a AA meeting tomorrow I think it will help me to not feel so alone.
thank you
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hi Jay, Welcome, you are doing so well and really need to give yourself a pat on the back.
I think it is a great idea to get to a AA meeting and share F2F with people that can relate.
In the secular section of this site there is some info on dealing with the cravings that really helped me. AVRT. It addresses the addictive voice that is inside all of us. The voice that thinks and tells us that drinking for any reason is a solution for anything.
Your brain is going through a lot of changes and is trying to heal from the alcoholism. It takes time. It takes time to get messed up, it will take some time to get better.
As you get better the issues around debt and relationships, quality of of life, our thinking all improve greatly. Take care.
I think it is a great idea to get to a AA meeting and share F2F with people that can relate.
In the secular section of this site there is some info on dealing with the cravings that really helped me. AVRT. It addresses the addictive voice that is inside all of us. The voice that thinks and tells us that drinking for any reason is a solution for anything.
Your brain is going through a lot of changes and is trying to heal from the alcoholism. It takes time. It takes time to get messed up, it will take some time to get better.
As you get better the issues around debt and relationships, quality of of life, our thinking all improve greatly. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Jay - you know it won't be just one day. Thats the addictive voices in your head trying to tempt you back to booze.
It will turn into days, weeks, maybe months.
You have worked hard after your hospital admission, but you are probably still a bit fragile after drinking for so long.
Don't isolate yourself.
Why not step up your AA meetings if you can, perhaps go to 2 meetings a day?
Could you confide in someone at AA and say you are having a hard time and see if they could meet you for a coffee or help keep you occupied?
Are you looking after yourself well?
As in eating good and resting and getting enough sleep? Maybe thats something that is causing you to feel like this?
I really hope you come here more, especially when you feel like this.
If you drank for a long time, its going to take a longer time to get used to not drinking and your body recovering. It won't happen overnight. I'm sure you know that already.
I wish you the best xx
It will turn into days, weeks, maybe months.
You have worked hard after your hospital admission, but you are probably still a bit fragile after drinking for so long.
Don't isolate yourself.
Why not step up your AA meetings if you can, perhaps go to 2 meetings a day?
Could you confide in someone at AA and say you are having a hard time and see if they could meet you for a coffee or help keep you occupied?
Are you looking after yourself well?
As in eating good and resting and getting enough sleep? Maybe thats something that is causing you to feel like this?
I really hope you come here more, especially when you feel like this.
If you drank for a long time, its going to take a longer time to get used to not drinking and your body recovering. It won't happen overnight. I'm sure you know that already.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Jay,
welcome to SR.
in a roundabout way, it can be really helpful in the bigger picture to see that this is harder than you thought.
it drives home the hold and seriousness.
in the moment, it sucks.
keep going, and the moment will change.
welcome to SR.
in a roundabout way, it can be really helpful in the bigger picture to see that this is harder than you thought.
it drives home the hold and seriousness.
in the moment, it sucks.
keep going, and the moment will change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
Jay I'm so glad your not going to drink!! I am new to this too but after hearing lots is stories at aa I think if you go back for "one more drink it would kill you"! Someone said that to me when I was close to taking a day off. Alcohol wants to isolate you and kill you, it's sick that even while knowing that I still want it at times. We are all in the same boat. You can do this! Please, please don't drink. I don't know you but have a strong feeling about you for some reason? Let us know how you are tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Central KY
Posts: 40
Hang in there Friend
Theres nothing wrong with you, some of us were just made this way. Alcohol makes us sick. Man do I know the feeling. Hang in there. I wish I could make a claim to 60+ days sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi Jay
I agree with others who've said there's nothing wrong with you that's not wrong with the rest of us.
I drank for years - it took a little longer than 63 days to get myself 'right' again.
Support does help tho, and you'll find a ton of that here
D
I agree with others who've said there's nothing wrong with you that's not wrong with the rest of us.
I drank for years - it took a little longer than 63 days to get myself 'right' again.
Support does help tho, and you'll find a ton of that here
D
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