Rosie88

So, it's my friends birthday. He's having a birthday dinner tomorrow at this local Brazilian steakhouse that has delicious food and is BYOB.

I know everyone there is going to be drinking wine. Wine is my alcohol of choice.

I told him I'd be joining. It'll be my first time since sober that I will be going around a large amount of alcohol.

Also, I've been religiously dieting/eating healthy too so I have to scout out the menu to see what the healthiest option is for dinner.

Oh boy. This is supposed to be a fun night, now it's got me stressed out a bit. :-(

I WILL stay sober. I WILL eat healthy. I just have to keep telling myself that.

PurpleKnight

2 weeks is early days Rosie, there's no shame in sitting this one out or making an early exit if the night continues after the steakhouse!!

If you are going, simply consider yourself a non drinker for the evening, you are now a non drinker and there will be other people not drinking at other tables, always have something to hand, a non alcoholic drink of some sort, most people generally can't tell the difference as an evening progresses and others are drinking!!

Lastly always have your escape plan thought through, if things get too much, what's the plan to leave?!!

Thepatman

Purpleknight couldn't have said it better. Multiple choices and options in there.

soberjuly

I went to a party last night. Well, actually I threw a big bash for my son and we had wine at the adult tables. I drank sparkling water. It felt weird but no one questioned me. My husband also drank water but I am one month sober now. And even with one month I am sitting out a welcome cocktail hour on vacation. I agree that 2 weeks is still early (so is one month) and maybe you should consider not going. Good luck!

Rosie88

I know I should consider not going... But I haven't seen him or a few others that are going for a few months. I would feel awful telling him no. :-(

My boyfriend actually suggested asking him over for dinner another night where we could make healthy food and I wouldn't have to be around all that drinking. I just feel awful declining.

I'm going to be driving there so I can definitely leave whenever I please (I usually took public transportation whenever I went there because I was drinking). I think I'm going to take out cash so I don't have to use my card. That way, if I get really anxious, I can just politely tell them I don't feel well and give them the cash for my meal.

I found ONE thing on their menu that I would be willing to eat. It's a grilled chicken dish with veggies and served with chimichurri on the side. So I got that down.

:-(

At least I have an escape plan.

least

Having an escape plan sounds wise. If you feel tempted or uneasy, you can plead illness/headache and leave. Be true to yourself.

CassieK

I had just reached the 2 week mark myself, when I was supposed to go to a golf tournament. I don't golf, but I go every year; a work thing. Why? Because no one who go's really is a "golfer." We are ALL drinkers and it was/is really just an excuse to get drunk off our butts, act stupid, and no one cared. Everyone was the same.

Even though I had bought tickets for my girlfriend and I to go to the dinner, we both decided it was better we did not go. We stayed home, watched a movie, and made a homemade pizza. For ME, the peer pressure would have been too great and I probably would have broken down and drank.

The next day my girlfriend said she was happy we didn't go. She didn't think I could handle the peer pressure either. Of course, my phone blew up with, "Where are you?" messages, however, I was sober and still am. That is what counts in the long run. I can get over my friends being upset with me; I can't get over drinking again.

Good luck too you. I hope it all works out.

Marcher13

If you are going to eat healthy, then drink healthy too Rosie. Sparkling mineral water with ice, lime and a dash of bitters should be just right. Put your money on the table when the meal is over and say that you have to leave early. Say no more, smile and exit.

Anna

I always am sad when I hear people say they are going to a party because they must, they must not disappoint someone. What about yourself? Early sobriety is a time to be committed to yourself before other people, at least until you feel comfortable in recovery.

I am saying this because of what I learned. I went to a neighborhood party in the first couple of weeks of sobriety and I managed to suffer through it (miserably) and stay sober. But, the seed was planted and the negative emotions prevailed and went out and bought wine the next morning.

Rosie88

Okay, so I'm rethinking going to it. I already told him I'm going. What do I tell him now, to get out of it?

Oh geeze. Something this simple shouldn't have me in an anxious mess!

Thepatman

You can simply say you are sick. Wouldn't be a complete lie, as you are trying to heal and get better. My 25 cents! ;-)

CassieK

Why do you have to say anything? Why not just tell the truth: "I've thought about it, its nothing personal toward you, however for my life, right now, it will be better if I not come this year. I did, however, get you a birthday present and I'd like to drop it off to you."

Like it or not, people know when you are "BS'ing" them and making up excuses. You don't have to be specific as to why you aren't going, but making up some lie of an excuse, isn't the answer either. Remember, being sober is the start of a new life and change. We lied our butts off while drunk. Time to be honest.

grocerease

Just letting you know that bitters has alcohol in it fyi if you didn't know that.

Rosie88

I've declined the birthday dinner invitation. I just can't put myself through that this early in recovery.

I can't help but feel a bit selfish and rude for declining simply because I don't know how to control myself around alcohol.

:-(

Notimetoloose

Yah Rosie, fabulous decision.
You are not selfish for declining you are caring and nurturing yourself. Addiction is selfish.
Hold you head up high and smile big and wide, you are wise.

ReadyAtLast

It's not about control Rosie. Don't feel bad about putting yourself first for once. You have to put yourself and your sobriety first. you have done the right thing

doggonecarl

You've had some struggles since joining SR, so I think you've made the best decision for your recovery to skip this event.

I think your boyfriend's idea of extending a dinner invite (to make up for missing the birthday thing) is a great idea.

Good luck as you move into week 3!

fini

great to see you put your sobriety first, Rosie.

there's a difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself.

and it's not rude not to go for a BD dinner, but even if it were, if being perceived as rude would mean you'll go to slippery slopes, then being perceived as rude is the better choice right now.

way to go!