KAD

Hi all. Just went for my daily walk and as I was doing so, I was ruminating over my drinking days. I hit the 2 month mark this past week. As some of you who have followed other threads of mine might know, I've recently been struggling with anxiety and trying a couple different AD's to get a handle on it. Over 2 1/2 decades ago, long-term anxiety was the very thing that attracted me to the effects of alcohol. At the time, it seemed to be a Godsend. (Now I know it's straight outta Hell!) No matter how I twisted and turned the whole specter of what it would mean to drink again, not once did it seem a viable option to me now. Even my AV seems to be stymied as to what it would take to lure me in again!

Sure, alcohol did offer an escape from anxiety but, to maintain it, I had to do it all day, everyday. What it invariably led me to, each and every time, was feeling desperate to escape from all the other horrid consequences. It's just so not worth it anymore. As I've mentioned a couple other times, one might think that would give me a feeling of comfort. Instead, it feels somewhat like the rug has been yanked out from under me, and by my own hand. Feels like getting divorced all over again, only from alcohol this time. I have never experienced this kind of finality before when it comes to something I've done for more than half my life.

biminiblue

That, my friend, is a spiritual experience.



I get all kinds of answers on walks. I'm really happy for you.

songthread

Great work! Thanks for your post!

PurpleKnight

It's exactly like loosing a person from my life I found, all of a sudden it was gone after so many years!!

Hang in there GetMeOut!!

Dee74

Great post GetMeOut - and congrats on your 2 months

D

Nuudawn

Love this post GetMe... I just came home from a meal at a restaurant. They had one of those little wine advertisement cards on the table that described the respective wine as crisp and fruity with layers of pear, green apple and oh I dunno..hibiscus or something. It all sounded very "sophisticated". I felt some inner petulance rise within ...I had wrestled it only 10 minutes earlier when I looked over at an adjacent table and saw a women with a glass of red wine.

For some reason, something in my mind answered that petulance with "well, you abused alcohol..if you had kids that you abused...they'd be taken away too". I really have no idea where my mind comes up with this crap really. But anyhoo...

I too have been struggling with a lot of anxiety today..which is why I think I had the "heightened sensitivity" to wine coveting. Earlier today in the Dollar Store I had to stifle a screaming banshee breakdown when the women ahead of me couldn't remember her debit card "pin number" and the man behind me couldn't get his 4 year old to quit screaming and crying.

After so many years of drinking, we don't have all that much resilience now do we? But look at you..this post is brilliant. I so appreciate hearing about your sober journey.

KAD

The screaming, crying kid would be what sends me over the edge. Jeez, I can't stand that! I've come to accept as a prerequisite that there always has to be a screaming, crying kid at Walmart.