Facing Friends that I embarrassed myself in front of
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 7
Facing Friends that I embarrassed myself in front of
So, I am on day 5. My turning point was last weekend when I got ridiculously drunk when we had friends over at our house to swim. Long story short, I got loud and obnoxious with a couple of friends while trying to convince them to let their daughter spend the night with my daughter. After they left, I ended up on my bathroom floor with my husband putting the kids to bed and taking care of me. I actually don't even remember the incident. Most of what I know is from what he told me.
I asked him if he thought I should apologize and he said just to let it be and move on. We are going to their house on Saturday afternoon to hang out and let the kids play while we eat pizza and socialize. There will be beer, but I won't be drinking any. I am not sure if I should apologize to them, let it go, or some other alternative. I am partially embarrassed by the incident, but then again, I don't really remember it. It will definitely be awkward for me at first, but I do want to move forward. They are very good friends so I definitely want to mend anything that might be broken. However, I don't know if they are really thinking anything of it. I mean, they know I was drunk - they don't really know that I had a drinking problem - they have been drunk before - so they may just be chalking it up to "oh well, she was drunk ... let it go".
IDK what to do or how to get the afternoon started.
I asked him if he thought I should apologize and he said just to let it be and move on. We are going to their house on Saturday afternoon to hang out and let the kids play while we eat pizza and socialize. There will be beer, but I won't be drinking any. I am not sure if I should apologize to them, let it go, or some other alternative. I am partially embarrassed by the incident, but then again, I don't really remember it. It will definitely be awkward for me at first, but I do want to move forward. They are very good friends so I definitely want to mend anything that might be broken. However, I don't know if they are really thinking anything of it. I mean, they know I was drunk - they don't really know that I had a drinking problem - they have been drunk before - so they may just be chalking it up to "oh well, she was drunk ... let it go".
IDK what to do or how to get the afternoon started.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
if it would make YOU feel better and give you some peace of mind, I don't see the problem with just saying quietly to them "I'm really sorry about my behaviour last time"...and leave it. No need for a huge, epic speech 
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by ryavluda 
So, I am on day 5.
As they are very close, they have already forgiven you most likely. But there's a bigger issue maybe.......
The question to ask yourself is are you on day 5 due to shame and guilt or have you made a decision to quit????????????
For me, I stopped due to embarrassment many times. Once the clouds of shame lifted I did it again, again, again......Only you know if you have a problem. Passing out / blackout can be a pretty good indicator.
Ask yourself - how often does this happen - how frequent is my drinking - can I stop after a couple - is it getting worse. Do I have a problem......
Very glad you are here, hope you stick around!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 155
If it was REALLY bad....... (my opinion is worthless by the way).......I would say apologize. BUT as was mentioned........... a very brief apology, to one of them, during a moment the say you and one are alone grabbing snacks or something.
If they aren't thinking about it, it will be no big deal and they'll think.....yeah we were messed up last weekend. If it was a big deal......they'll think....wow, that was nice and I'm happy to hear she is thinking about it.
My two cents, but no "epic apology" as mentioned. Your apology will come in the form of your actions moving forward.
In fact........if it never happens again, which it won't if you and I stop drinking (day 16 here), then no apology is necessary in my opinion. When it's quiet in a few months, they can look back on that night as a good night for all, not a bad one. (just as you will)
Like I said, my 2 cents, take it for what it is worth. I have had many of those nights too many. The more I try and remember, the more come back to me. I always counted on the fog of time to help me forget (the others undoubtably did not forget my actions)
If they aren't thinking about it, it will be no big deal and they'll think.....yeah we were messed up last weekend. If it was a big deal......they'll think....wow, that was nice and I'm happy to hear she is thinking about it.
My two cents, but no "epic apology" as mentioned. Your apology will come in the form of your actions moving forward.
In fact........if it never happens again, which it won't if you and I stop drinking (day 16 here), then no apology is necessary in my opinion. When it's quiet in a few months, they can look back on that night as a good night for all, not a bad one. (just as you will)
Like I said, my 2 cents, take it for what it is worth. I have had many of those nights too many. The more I try and remember, the more come back to me. I always counted on the fog of time to help me forget (the others undoubtably did not forget my actions)
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
If they are having you over, most likely they are just blowing it off to you having been drunk.
I think the better question here is what is your plan to not drink while you're there this weekend? I have gone to places countless times where I wasn't going to drink and then because everyone else was, I gave in. Not saying that will happen or has to, just have a plan together so it doesn't happen.
I think the better question here is what is your plan to not drink while you're there this weekend? I have gone to places countless times where I wasn't going to drink and then because everyone else was, I gave in. Not saying that will happen or has to, just have a plan together so it doesn't happen.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Gronk
(my opinion is worthless by the way)
Don't be talking to my friend Gronk like that okay?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 7
Thanks for the replies. If I get a moment with the mom, I think I will give her a quick apology, such as, "Hey girl, I'm sorry I was so obnoxious about trying to get your daughter to sleep over last. I had too much to drink and shouldn't have gone there. It won't happen again and I hope you will forgive me."
My plan for not drinking is two fold:
(1) My husband will be with me and being accountable to him will help keep me straight.
(2) I want to make sure my kids NEVER see me like that again.
(3) They will only have beer (and I know this is a silly argument, but I don't drink beer). LOL. My drinking problems have been with hard liquor. I just never liked the taste of beer.
(4) I am absolutely committed to staying sober. I will likely make sure to keep a non-alcoholic drink in my hand as much as possible, such as lemonade or water.
(5) If it gets to be too much to handle, we can let the kids play for a couple of hours and then come home.
My plan for not drinking is two fold:
(1) My husband will be with me and being accountable to him will help keep me straight.
(2) I want to make sure my kids NEVER see me like that again.
(3) They will only have beer (and I know this is a silly argument, but I don't drink beer). LOL. My drinking problems have been with hard liquor. I just never liked the taste of beer.
(4) I am absolutely committed to staying sober. I will likely make sure to keep a non-alcoholic drink in my hand as much as possible, such as lemonade or water.
(5) If it gets to be too much to handle, we can let the kids play for a couple of hours and then come home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 155
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
I found your thoughts quite helpful Gronk but that statement right there jumped out and made me wince. Ouch.
Don't be talking to my friend Gronk like that okay?
Don't be talking to my friend Gronk like that okay?
What I meant was......"the thoughts are simply the opinion of one nameless, faceless dude who's been there - done that, and not necessarily approved nor endorsed by the human race as a whole"
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd agree that a simple apology would be best if you decide to do so. You are extremely early in sobriety so i wouldn't personally get into anything about you deciding to quit or anything like that, your actions by staying sober over the next weeks/months will speak much more clearly than anything you can say.
Sounds like you have a good plan for not drinking too, and having an escape is always good too.
Sounds like you have a good plan for not drinking too, and having an escape is always good too.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I agree a simple apology is the best. I think if they were very annoyed they wouldn't be having you over at all so it probably won't be as bad as you think.
Please be careful though being around alcohol events so early in sobriety. Shame fades pretty quickly and it is easy to get back into the swing of things, just having the one drink, when all around us are drinking. I'm glad your husband is supportive.
Please be careful though being around alcohol events so early in sobriety. Shame fades pretty quickly and it is easy to get back into the swing of things, just having the one drink, when all around us are drinking. I'm glad your husband is supportive.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Gronk
What I meant was......"the thoughts are simply the opinion of one nameless, faceless dude who's been there - done that, and not necessarily approved nor endorsed by the human race as a whole"
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by Gronk
If it was REALLY bad....... (my opinion is worthless by the way).......I would say apologize. BUT as was mentioned........... a very brief apology, to one of them, during a moment the say you and one are alone grabbing snacks or something.
If they aren't thinking about it, it will be no big deal and they'll think.....yeah we were messed up last weekend. If it was a big deal......they'll think....wow, that was nice and I'm happy to hear she is thinking about it.
My two cents, but no "epic apology" as mentioned. Your apology will come in the form of your actions moving forward.
In fact........if it never happens again, which it won't if you and I stop drinking (day 16 here), then no apology is necessary in my opinion. When it's quiet in a few months, they can look back on that night as a good night for all, not a bad one. (just as you will)
Like I said, my 2 cents, take it for what it is worth. I have had many of those nights too many. The more I try and remember, the more come back to me. I always counted on the fog of time to help me forget (the others undoubtably did not forget my actions)
If they aren't thinking about it, it will be no big deal and they'll think.....yeah we were messed up last weekend. If it was a big deal......they'll think....wow, that was nice and I'm happy to hear she is thinking about it.
My two cents, but no "epic apology" as mentioned. Your apology will come in the form of your actions moving forward.
In fact........if it never happens again, which it won't if you and I stop drinking (day 16 here), then no apology is necessary in my opinion. When it's quiet in a few months, they can look back on that night as a good night for all, not a bad one. (just as you will)
Like I said, my 2 cents, take it for what it is worth. I have had many of those nights too many. The more I try and remember, the more come back to me. I always counted on the fog of time to help me forget (the others undoubtably did not forget my actions)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Ugh thats a s***ty feeling. I absolutely hate hearing about how obnoxious I was when I have no memory of it. This happened recently, I was trying to get my sister to let me niece and nephew spend the night after a birthday party (unfortunately I remember and it still makes me cringe) she didnt beat around the bush, instead she told me, in front of all my guests that I was too drunk to take care of my own kids let alone take care of hers too. I went in the bathroom and cried. Anyway, I dont think you necessarily owe them an apology.. its not like you cussed anyone out, you just embarrassed yourself. But if it was me I'd probably casually say hey, sorry about last weekend I drank way too much I hope I didnt do anything to offend anyone. And I'd just leave it at that. Like someone else said, if they were upset I doubt they'd invite you over.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I remember my first week of sobriety. I was pretty raw and on thin ice of maintaining my sobriety. If faced with seeing people I embarrassed myself in front of, I would opt out of going. But that's me. The discomfort of having to relive my embarrassment would be too much and I would drink to deal with the uncomfortableness.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I like your plan, it is a nice, sincere apology that acknowledges the truth without being overly dramatic. My mom used to tell me "if you are thinking it the other person probably is too, best to just acknowledge it and get it out there".
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Ready2beSober
Ugh thats a s***ty feeling. I absolutely hate hearing about how obnoxious I was when I have no memory of it. This happened recently, I was trying to get my sister to let me niece and nephew spend the night after a birthday party (unfortunately I remember and it still makes me cringe) she didnt beat around the bush, instead she told me, in front of all my guests that I was too drunk to take care of my own kids let alone take care of hers too. I went in the bathroom and cried. Anyway, I dont think you necessarily owe them an apology.. its not like you cussed anyone out, you just embarrassed yourself. But if it was me I'd probably casually say hey, sorry about last weekend I drank way too much I hope I didnt do anything to offend anyone. And I'd just leave it at that. Like someone else said, if they were upset I doubt they'd invite you over.
Been there, done that! :/. Good to see you here R2B, I've been thinking about you!
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