maverickspoint

Hi,

I'm Joe and I am an alcoholic. Just 5 days sober this time around. I am 31 and have been drinking heavily since I was 18. I have had periods of abstinence, the longest lasting 9 months. I seem to reach around 3 months and feel like I can be in control of my drinking again but then realise it has control over me.
I had a cocaine addiction for around 3 months 4 years ago and over the years have used other drugs such as ecstasy, speed, marijuana and methedrone.
Drug addiction (excluding alcohol) has never been an issue for me, I can take them or leave them, even when I realised the cocaine had got out of control I was able to quickly stop and get myself together. Alcohol however plays on my mind daily, being an alcoholic has destroyed every relationship I have ever had, got me arrested twice, got me in huge amounts of debt and nearly killed me on more than one occasion.
I feel this time is different to the rest as I am making steps to get involved in sharing my problem, to try and provide advice to others where I have learned from my mistakes,
I am a good person and am genuinely sorry for every mistake I have ever made. It's about the future now.

ultradad

Welcome Joe! Wow, you just about shared my exact story only I'm 45! I'll cut to the chase real quick, I tried everything under the sun to quit on my own and could never even get even close to 9 months. I was lucky to get 3 weeks! I finally humbled myself and was willing to try anything and that's when I wen't to AA and I've been sober and 'happily' sober ever since! When I walked into the doors of AA they told me that I wasn't a bad person that I just a had a disease. They also told me that I never had to feel this way again! And I'll tell you the same, you don't ever have to feel this way again!

Congrats on 5 days my friend. Please check out AA with an open heart!

Soberpotamus

Welcome Joe Alcohol can make even the best of people do things they would never do otherwise. The first year can be tough. I've found that it finally came to a point where I had to decide that I was finished with drinking. Under no circumstance can I allow myself to pick up a drink again. No matter how hard things get. It's a line that is drawn and I am forever on the one side of it, it's about self-preservation now.

After a while, it gets easier You get a breather, and then it's about thriving again. Finding some peace and meaning in life again.

Have you considered a program yet? Will you need meetings or do you have another plan in mind?

Fly N Buy

Glad you are here! There's a lot of good sobriety on SR! I am new myself and it's helped me a lot!

Old timer told me - everyday you don't drink is making amends to yourself, family and friends.

Forgive yourself!!!

Princess70

Hi I'm 43 and have been binge drinking (weekends and occasions) since I was 18. Have suffered with anxiety for years and am just beginning to realise that it is all probably due to my drinking habits. I have 3 beautiful children the oldest is 10 and I don't want her to see her mum drinking a bottle of wine on her own at night at the weekends (Friday to Sunday). I don't drink during the week but find I can't wait to get to Friday so I know I need to change my habits. This is a big step for me as I know my brother and sisters all drink more than I do and they think I am paranoid am I??

lostinthetrees

Hey Maverickspoint. Your story sounds a lot like mine. It sounds like I struggled a bit more with the other substances than you did, but alcohol is the one that stuck. At 30, I finally realized that my alcoholism was hurting people I love and stealing away money and my precious time on this earth. Its been 53 days for me. You can do this. For me, staying busy and setting fitness goals have been a big part of the plan. Oh, and honestly assessing any and all personal issues that have contributed to my lifelong battle with addiction.

You've got this...keep pushing forward!

maverickspoint

Thank you so much for the responses people. I really appreciate every word.
My anxiety has got really bad these past 2 years, one attack left me laying in the street in the middle of Copenhagen, my poor friend thought I was having a heart attack. One of the most useful things I learned about the anxiety was to try and expel as much air from your body as possible, don't take too many deep breaths, this lowers the CO2 levels in your body which is what causes the vast majority of panic attacks. If its thyroid related then obviously that doesn't work too well.
My plan at the moment is to try and do this by keeping myself immersed in talking to people online, to continually expose myself to the physical effects of drinking and to avoid social situations where drink is prevalent. For some reason this time around I am more than happy to be by myself and don't feel I am missing out by not joining friends on social outings this coming weekend. I find reading quotations on abstinence help me to feel stronger, especially when those quotes are from people that have achieved truly great things in their lives. My drinking habits this past year have involved heading to a pub on my own, sitting there with a good book and putting back around 4/5 drinks. There was a time I just couldn't stop until I physically passed but this past year I have been able to stop at the point of feeling drunk. The frequency went from 1 or 2 nights a few months ago to every night most recently.

least

Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you joined us. There's a lot of support here.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Joe!! Great to have you onboard!!

KateL

Well done on 5 days. I suffer with dreadful anxiety but drinking only makes it worse in my experience xx

Dee74

Welcome Joe

I was always anxious, even before I started drinking as career so it was pretty rough when I quit...it did get better with time tho - and a little counselling help

D

Hevyn

It's good to meet you Joe!

I was filled with fear & anxiety until I found SR. I felt so much better when I had others to talk to who understood. My family & friends had no idea what I went through. Glad you are here. You're right - It's about the future now.

maverickspoint

I can't tell you how much this forum is helping with the mental adjustment to quitting. I know there's no pressure but I feel like I have a responsibility to stay sober for the people here too, so the support I am given isn't wasted. I am finding it hard right now and have thought about drink a lot today. Guess it's the weekend, I have plenty of time on my hands and normally I would be drinking. I don't really feel I can talk to family and friends about my drinking so thanks for your support.

JD4010

I was a newcomer just 4 weeks ago. I'm 55 and began drinking when I was 18 (legal age back then). I could stay sober for months at a time, but then fall right back into it.

Now, I'm enjoying sobriety a lot--especially the lack of hangovers!!

maverickspoint

I am starting to realise alcohol has been playing a way bigger part in my life than I ever possibly imagined. I am realising this time around because I actually want to quit for good this time. I used to imagine living places in the future based around the pubs I could drink in and the types of social gatherings I could have. Now, without a life involving drink that all seems so inconsequential and I am having to discover what is going to keep me happy in the future all over. I could live anywhere as long as there was a decent pub and I could drink there. Now I don't know what I want. Scares me I inadvertently based my whole supposed sense of comfortability and happiness around a pint of beer. Sad too. It seems to be getting harder by the day right now, hopefully that means I am doing something right.