Hi all...
 

I'm not a newcomer to forums, neither am I a newcomer to addiction.

As an off thought/search I found myself here.

I'm a highly functional guy with 3 kids, and a decent life. BUT, I am plagued by addiction. I've been through 3 other drugs and now I find myself in the lowest of lows. Alcohol. And I really feel trapped... But you could say that is just the alcohol talking :(

I'm a nice guy. I have a huge knowledge in music, IT and mycology. Lots to share, I'm not just looking for a crutch.

Say Hi,

John.

Hi Forester,

I welcome you here, and hope you find the help and friendship that you are looking for!!!

Hi forester, welcome to SR. Are you currently sober? Tell us about your plan to quit and stay quit. Best wishes
Eric

Welcome John. SR is a community of those who have been there and understand. You can quit the alcohol too if you choose - are you still drinking or have you quit? Let us know how we can help.

Hi Forester. Sounds like you have a lot going for you. You will be able to better realize your talents, share your knowledge, and support your children sans booze (though I suspect you already know that). You can free yourself, it just takes some effort!

As an aside, my graduate work involves using fungi to clean up environmental contaminants. I always get excited to hear about others with interest/expertise in mycology!

Best of luck,
Michael

Welcome onboard John!! It's great to have you here!! :wave:

Welcome John - you've found a brilliantly supportive site here :)

Welcome John - always nice to see another Aussie here :)

SR helped me turn things around.

I found a lot of wisdom and support here, and some challenging ideas that really helped me - I know you will too :)

D

It's so good to meet you John! You are never alone - you have us. We all understand what you've gone through, and we want to help.

Welcome to the family. :) I'm glad you joined us. :)

Hi everyone,

After a bit of an extended break after my first post I'm back again.

10 days sober now (which is a long time for me), dealing with some pretty heavy anxiety. But I think I'm ok. I feel much better in the mornings anyways :)

I've pretty much no desire to drink anymore, a realization changed my mind. The body load is heavy though. Oh so heavy.

Not going back this time.

Welcome back Forrester :)

ten days is great - do you have a plan to help you stay sober?

D

Happy to see you, Forester. The anxiety will ease up. It helps to talk things over here. You're going to do this.

I'm glad I can somewhere to talk. Being a professional person I can't talk to anybody around me during the day about this. No one knows, which makes me even more isolated.

I don't really have a plan to stay sober as i don't want to drink. Something in my mind snapped into place the other weekend and I've not had any psychological cravings at all. Just the odd moment when I've thought about drinking and then the memory comes flooding back and the thought is destroyed long before it becomes a craving. Though I am still having this process happen on a daily basis. I've decided to ban myself from my local watering hole, not that I used to go there very often anyhow. Do I need a plan to stay sober? I thought I could just choose not to drink?

It's the anxiety that's killing me now. :( I can't eat at night. I cook a meal for my family and then go watch TV whilst they eat it. Really strange behavior for me. And I'm more irritable with people as well. Normally I am pretty tolerant mentally but now I am having negative thoughts towards other people, which is so unlike me too.

I've given up other addictive drugs before successfully, but I'd not used those things so long. I've been drinking for 8 years now. I don't know how that time slipped past so quick. I'm amazed at my own naivety. Would have been so much easier if I'd cut this off years ago. Still I can't be regretting that... just throwing my thoughts out there.

Something in my mind snapped into place the other weekend and I've not had any psychological cravings at all.

Hi Forester,
The "mind-snap" was the catalyst for me as well. I wasn't sure why it happened when it did after so many years and aborted "quits" but I hung on to the strength it provided for dear life.
I hope you can use this period of resolve to move past this ten days (congrats by the way!!) and into a dramatically better version of your life.
Best,
Jonathan

welcome back, Forester.

yes, if you can just choose not to drink, then you can just choose.

i just chose not to many many times and couldn't stick to it. but that's me.
you might find the AVRT threads useful in the Secular Connections forum farther down; all about basically just choosing not to.

the reason a plan is suggested so often is for several reasons. there are people like me who couldn't just choose not to, whose choice was impaired. then, there are simply moments where other "wants" can take precedence over the long-term, overarching choice. and then there's this: Just the odd moment when I've thought about drinking and then the memory comes flooding back and the thought is destroyed long before it becomes a craving. this works well for a lot of people at the beginning, but then the memory pales, and a voice starts whispering that it really wasn't that bad. and, nudge nudge, now that you've so clearly demonstrated that you can not drink, it's surely alright to have one. maybe two.
all kinds off crazy stuff can happen.

anyway, good to see you back.

Welcome to SR!

Thank you all.

I know what you're talking about fini with realizations fading over time and alcohol sneaking back in your life. I've been there before too. This one was very strong, I seriously believe it was a life changing event for me. When I thought about having a beer a couple of days ago (because the anxiety was so harsh) I got one out of the fridge and looked at it. I felt literally sick at the thought drinking it. Then I put it back in the fridge, I might have a guest sometime who wants it.

I've just been so unwell to be honest, I haven't even really got to enjoy not drinking, except for waking without a hangover.

For the last 4 or 5 of days I have taken diazempam 10mg at night to help with the anxiety. I'm not worried short term about taking this (in terms of addiction), but someone told me that because it effects the same receptors as alcohol that I could be prolonging this difficult period and making things worse by using that as an aid? Is that true? Does anyone here know?

Other people have told me it can take months to get over this? I've dealt with depression and fatigue before from substance abuse, but never anxiety. :willy

Hi John - welcome to the forum, and well done on 10 days.

I know exactly what you mean about the relief about being able to talk to others who understand. This place (from the start) and AA (I started going about a month in to being sober) have really made sobriety possible (and more comfortable) for me.

I really do think that at this stage having beer in the fridge is an easily avoidable risk. Every time you open your fridge you're likely to see it and think about alcohol. Honestly - the cost of a few beers is nothing - why not just tip them away? Or give them away? (Maybe donate them to a food bank if you have them in oz).

For me, getting over the anxiety was more about changing my thinking than blotting it out. Many of us have developed pretty duff ways of dealing with it (drinking / drugging it away) over time and need to unlearn that strategy, and learn new ones (without finding other ways to mask it). That's where AA has come in for me - contrary to my belief, AA isn't just about stopping drinking (that's just the first step), it's about learning to be comfortable in sobriety (the other 11 steps).

Good luck with whatever path to recovery you choose.

Hi Beccy, thanks for your response.

I like being able to have beers in the fridge as a sign of my strength. To see it and totally reject it on a daily basis, rather than hide it/get rid of it/not think about it. The same as I have a pack of (now very old) cigarettes in the drawer, even though I haven't smoked in years. I can see how avoiding these things can help though.

You are spot on about coping strategies. I have skipped from one drug, to the next, to the next, over my life but never really been "sober" for much of the time. I've been approached by AA in my area, some parts of the organization run contrary to my belief systems so it was hard for me to really commit to this group.

How to unlearn a lifetime of this behavior is a little scary for me. But I'm prepared to do it.