Hi all...
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Glad you're taking some steps to getting help.
Just one thought.
I found that I am not in control of what goes on in my head. At least not the initial thoughts, impulses, and feelings. Part of my "powerlessness over my addiction" is simply that the thoughts, impulses, and feelings that show up are maladaptive (to put it mildly), and they arrrive unbidden.
I learned that I could not think myself into a new way of acting, I had to act my way into a new way of thinking. This had taken time. I've learned to shift my focus to saner thoughts, and I've learned how to survive my impulses and my emotions.
So in a roundabout way I am in control of the final outcome in terms of what goes on in my head, but the initial crazy and destructive thoughts, impulses, and feelings still crop up whether I want them to or not.
All this takes time.
Just one thought.
I found that I am not in control of what goes on in my head. At least not the initial thoughts, impulses, and feelings. Part of my "powerlessness over my addiction" is simply that the thoughts, impulses, and feelings that show up are maladaptive (to put it mildly), and they arrrive unbidden.
I learned that I could not think myself into a new way of acting, I had to act my way into a new way of thinking. This had taken time. I've learned to shift my focus to saner thoughts, and I've learned how to survive my impulses and my emotions.
So in a roundabout way I am in control of the final outcome in terms of what goes on in my head, but the initial crazy and destructive thoughts, impulses, and feelings still crop up whether I want them to or not.
All this takes time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Really, really glad you made it back. Nit sure I agree with you about the thinking bit. 'Thinking about it ' is not a step. Not the first one, or any other. Action in key here.
Philosophising it is all very well, but it's just a fancy form of procrastination. Us As are great at that. Checking the meeting times in your area and getting yourself to the first of many meetings, and actually sitting down and making a plan, and starting to work it daily will be much more useful if you really want to get sober.
Philosophising it is all very well, but it's just a fancy form of procrastination. Us As are great at that. Checking the meeting times in your area and getting yourself to the first of many meetings, and actually sitting down and making a plan, and starting to work it daily will be much more useful if you really want to get sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
Thanks Hevyn, I feel ready. I also feel like a sleep deprived zombie. I still can't hydrate properly though, I'm drinking 2-3 litres of water a day and can't shake the fuzzy-headedness.
I spent quality time with my kids yesterday even though I felt like crap it was so easy, just read some stories and ate food and talked. So simple. I watched my wife's TV program with her (that I normally hate) and enjoyed it. It seems I'm open to things that were harder to tolerate before. Went for a spell on the beach by myself to contemplate, felt immensely better too.
I also went to the beach this morning before work, but it is heavy kite flying weather today. So not so nice. But it seems better here at work. Or maybe it's all in my head. I dunno. It just seems better.
I know I'm only 5 days sober and I've done that countless times. This is the first time I've looked for help though, I trust it will make all the difference.
I spent quality time with my kids yesterday even though I felt like crap it was so easy, just read some stories and ate food and talked. So simple. I watched my wife's TV program with her (that I normally hate) and enjoyed it. It seems I'm open to things that were harder to tolerate before. Went for a spell on the beach by myself to contemplate, felt immensely better too.
I also went to the beach this morning before work, but it is heavy kite flying weather today. So not so nice. But it seems better here at work. Or maybe it's all in my head. I dunno. It just seems better.
I know I'm only 5 days sober and I've done that countless times. This is the first time I've looked for help though, I trust it will make all the difference.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
Well, it's 2 years to the day since I joined here and started this thread. What a two years it's been.
Finally about a 5 weeks ago I had the realisation I needed to turn my life around and I'm proud to say I've now been sober for a month. I don't even want to drink anymore. I get feelings of revulsion and fear from thinking about drinking alcohol, even the smell gives me bad memories (going right back to when I was little). My children are already showing improvement for my better mood, my wife isn't angry with me anymore, my beer belly is shrinking, I enjoy things.
It's funny that it took a mistake that could have cost me my freedom and ruined my family to act as the catalyst for me to change. I'm lucky that nothing happened, time has passed and water is flowing under the bridge and into history. I knew my drinking was a problem for a long time but it took a real close call to really shake me out of it. Now drinking can go in the list of other things I've done and will never do again. It's a type of freedom I didn't know existed, not just not drinking (I've done that before) but not wanting to drink either.
I'd like to thank everyone who has commented and shared their own story here, excellent advice to make a plan and my class thread who continue to remind me about the changes I've made whilst sharing their own journeys. Without you all it would be so much harder.
Finally about a 5 weeks ago I had the realisation I needed to turn my life around and I'm proud to say I've now been sober for a month. I don't even want to drink anymore. I get feelings of revulsion and fear from thinking about drinking alcohol, even the smell gives me bad memories (going right back to when I was little). My children are already showing improvement for my better mood, my wife isn't angry with me anymore, my beer belly is shrinking, I enjoy things.
It's funny that it took a mistake that could have cost me my freedom and ruined my family to act as the catalyst for me to change. I'm lucky that nothing happened, time has passed and water is flowing under the bridge and into history. I knew my drinking was a problem for a long time but it took a real close call to really shake me out of it. Now drinking can go in the list of other things I've done and will never do again. It's a type of freedom I didn't know existed, not just not drinking (I've done that before) but not wanting to drink either.
I'd like to thank everyone who has commented and shared their own story here, excellent advice to make a plan and my class thread who continue to remind me about the changes I've made whilst sharing their own journeys. Without you all it would be so much harder.
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