Ch-ch-ch-changes! Weekender Thread Aug 8-10
 

Dee just posted about his experience of jamming out… Expressing how it felt to go back to something he loved when drinking had made it a complete mess. That's what I took from his post.

I am sitting, as most of you know, squarely in the middle of my past. Literally. I know many are concerned for me. I was sitting at home before I left…. Wondering how I could cancel. But here I am.

Like Dee, I sat yesterday in the restaurant/bar I hung in. Saw familiar faces. Played the keno (lost $50) and answered questions about what life was like for me.

I looked around and noted first off that the booze seemed to blend into the scenery more than jump out at me. The faces all looked the same but much more worn out. Mine, on the other hand, was commented as how good and healthy I look.

I felt such sadness. For them, not me. I did not drink.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

In between the ice cream, cooking tips, vacation pics, gardening, wood working, traveling, postcard and support we give each other this weekend… How about we comment on the first big change you saw in yourself or others. What was it like to see something through new eyes.

If you have only a day or so or have not stopped drinking or drugging yet I would really like to hear from you. What are your expectations from a sober life?

I read all to often that some feel as though a compete transformation is miraculously going to take place. A light switch of sorts.

Sobriety does offer a light switch. It's called an open heart and mind. It's in allowing the light in that we see changes. Sometimes it seems so dark for so long that it will never happen. Then perhaps open your mind a bit more. Accept that support. Find that help. Be humble to say you have a problem. I need help.

I don't endorse putting yourself in situations like I am doing at this moment. I see a lot of pain in me and them. But for me it's shining a light on what happened so much more. And that light is not coming from out there somewhere…. Or from someone… It's coming from in me.

So welcome to your changes weekend and taking a look at what we have done for ourselves!

*Ring Ring* all aboard!

Ken

Shotgun!
:)

Ok olive.... But you know the rules of the bus! No pulling hair as usual please.

Heading to my lunch and I will catch you all later!

The first change I noticed was how much easier everything was. Just random little things are easier without being either drunk or hungover. Giving the kids a bath, doing the grocery shopping, hanging the laundry. They seem like simple things and you might wonder how they could become more complicated or easier but for me, these little things are easier.

This weekend I am going to squeeze my way out of a birthday party invitation I don't feel comfortable attending. There are certain social events I am quite happy to continue on with and feel ok, even if fighting cravings. This is an event that has given me pause and I already feel nervous about so I am guessing the safest bet would be to skip it. They know I have quit drinking, but I have the double excuse of having my kids with me and the triple excuse of having to wake up early for work. Saturday is my heavy work day at the vacation rentals I manage. I do check out in the morning then help clean, then check in the afternoon. Saturday I'd like to have a bbq with my kids, maybe invite some of their friends over. Sunday I hope the weather will be nice and I can go to the beach with them.

Stay strong Ken, you are doing great.

For me the biggest change is that I now feel calm and at piece.

My life was going at 200Mph and now I just cruise along and have time to watch the scenery.

Have a great weekend everyone, catch you between some shores arround my house!

Oh Hallelujah.

:grouphug:

The first change I noticed was how light and free I could feel.

No sneaking around, buying booze at several different shops and then trying to dispose of the evidence without getting caught. No more looking over my shoulder.

This weekend I shall probably be doing the usual...time with family and friends and reading, exercising...

Have a good weekend everybody!

Not the first tune you would expect in this weekend's soundtrack but, another thread made me think of this old tune:

I used to wake up every single morning with this pit in my stomach. As soon as my eyes opened I was desperately trying to piece together the night before. Who had I called? What had I said? What had I done? Were the kids ok? Mind racing, feeling either still drunk or so sick...sometimes I could remember some things, sometimes nothing. God it was awful. Sadly, I had grown so accustomed to it the feeling became "normal". The pit stayed with me after awakening, so heavy it was immobilizing at times. It only went away with klonopin or booze or both. Of course there it was again every morning though.

After I quit, that pit in my stomach was gone. Completely gone. I didn't even realize how sh!tty I felt all the time until after I quit. The contrast was startling. I cannot describe the freedom!

That was the first change I noticed. It's only gotten better since then.

Trach...I LOVE that song. I had the vinyl. Yeah, I knew you wouldn't have busted out the Bowie right away.

Hey everyone,

I'm in for the weekend. :)

Ken, I hope you are doing fine in NYC, you certainly sound as if you are. Thinking of you.

Changes.....I'm already feeling so much better, sleeping better, exercising better, anxiety is gradually getting better, I feel more at peace....alcohol so does not relax us, I mistakenly used to think it did when it actually does the very opposite. I feel I can make sobriety stick this time, I'm feeling the benefits much more this time than I ever did on previous attempts.

Hope everyone has a great sober weekend, I will check in often. :)

The first change I noticed was the fact that I didn't have to lead a double life anymore. When I gave up drinking, I became committed to a policy of being completely honest in all of my dealings.

At first the elephant that overshadowed all others was drinking; but as the months have gone on, I see that I need to be honest with my loved ones about feelings and opinions, too. Before I would view the expression of desires as hopeless, and just stuff them. That resulted in passive-aggressive spitefulness, and fueled my desire to escape by drinking.

Now, very awkwardly and with much stuttering, I am beginning to speak up (gently) about things that have been bothering me for years. I don't know what it will get me; but at least I'm being honest and giving things a chance to improve.

Without honest communication, I was stuck as a perpetually petulant adolescent because it was the path of least resistance. Now at age 54 I'm growing up.

I was not a person that drank because I liked it, although this is something I had pretty well convinced myself was true. Almost.

DARK: One particular morning I woke up, opened my eyes and wanted nothing else from my life but a drink. FULL STOP. And I came here to SR asking WTF?? and admitting fear and defeat (HUGE CHANGE) - seeking wisdom from those who have been there.

LIGHT: Four months ago I stopped drinking. Now when I feel the nigglings of fear or defeat I take a FULL STOP and ask myself "how can I change this situation right now and make it acceptable to the life I deserve and want to live?" No matter how small the change...it makes all the difference.

TRUTH: Alcohol hid my fears so I could not fully realize what they even were in order to do some work on them and ease the pain. I was not even giving myself a chance. What was I hiding? Turns out it was enough for me to ask the question and not have the answers. And there is really nothing there except what has always been there...the big unknown. Ewww. Scaaary. Since I am never going to stop asking questions I might as well TRULY start getting used to it.

I'm showing up to my own life!

:grouphug:

I'm on lunch break and a little upset that I have all this new stuff to read and process and not much time left. Thank you everyone for your responses. They have given me food for thought. Beyond the physical changes when I quit I realized that I was thinking far more clearly. Engaging in more self examination.

I can't focus to think at the moment. I can't be late back to court so am rushing and looking at the clock. I had to get out of there because it's so cold my hands were getting numb. I went to sit in my hot car and then drove to McDonalds which has free wi fi, is warmer and I have my iPad and my SR friends starting the weekend party. I will check in later when I get to my office!

It hadn't dawned on my until now. I have always been afraid of things I had no control over or unable to speak truthfully. I didn't lie like some would think about cheating and such. I wouldn't tell someone the reason I wanted to end a relationship. I just acted like an ass so they would make that decision for me. Things like that. I didn't want to hurt feelings.
Now, I am able to face the truth. I don't hide from things they way I used to. Instead of avoiding a situation, I am able to face it, and the outcome. I may not like the answer or agree with it. But I can accept things for what they are.
And I can tell someone now what is on my mind without cowering.

I still cower, but at least I'm talking!

hope you all have a great weekend. I am heading to the 'Wildwoods' for the weekend - early Saturday when she gets home from work. As much as I hate hanging out in the sand... Will take fishing equipment along and spend a few hours casting the surf and rocks. The animals are safe here for the weekend ;)
Stay well Weasel. You got this thing covered. Should be a great weekend in NYC - enjoy.

That moment on day 82 when I was climbing into bed at night and I thought you know, I didn't think about taking a drink all day today.

That splendid weave of freedom, satisfaction, and triumph settled over me like a down comforter and I slept the sleep of the emancipated and unobsessed.

LBrain, Wildwood Crest was the first beach I ever went to, when I was 6. I stayed at the Hi-Lili motel. I love those 50s and 60s two storey motels that line the beach--they are still in good shape!

In honor of last week's theme

Hey y'all ,
New shocks on the car , new roll bar bushes and supports … WoW what a different feeling , it goes round corners like a runaway express train , just like a V8 4000 lb mercedes should .
I didn't realise how tired it had felt , having a car for 5 years you get used to how it behaves .
I may have to go for a drive this weekend … I might even change the oil and put in new plugs …

brrrrmmmm brummm toot toot ..

m