Charlie117926

Good morning SR:

I have posted several times about my struggles with drinking. I really thought I could handle it. I can't. Once I open one can, I cannot stop. For the past several weeks I go one day of hard drinking and one day off. I am so sick of it! I am so sick of waking up feeling like death. I am so sick of looking at my children and knowing they have a drunk as a father. I hide it from them, but that doesn't hide the truth of what I am.

Why cant I just say no? Why can I just not drink? Am I that miserable of a person that I cant find something more productive to do with my life? I have wasted so much time on drinking I am to the point that I cant even look forward to tomorrow as I am so ashamed of time lost due to my past and drinking. Its a horrible cycle.

I am not an AA type of guy. I have been. But any advice or support would be greatly appreciated

happybeingme

Hi Charlie,
I know those feelings well. Only difference. I am a mom. So, are you ready to quit? Are you ready to stop the insanity? Quitting drinking is the first step and you need to do it now forever. Dealing with your past will come in time, but for right this minute you have to quit drinking.
I have 3 years sober now and never followed a formal program but I did find online support.
While you cant get back lost time you can make all of the future time you have meaningful if you are willing to take the first step and quit the booze.

happybeingme

A few other things. You aren't that miserable and shame will kill you. You are sick. You are an alcoholic. Treat yourself with a little kindness and sympathy.

080514

I have a six year old son (7 in a couple of weeks). I am sure he thinks that his mom having a glass of wine almost every day right after work, another with dinner, and then another (or more) after dinner is "normal". This is my inspiration to stop. Right now I am only on day 3. I am an impatient person, so this day-at-a-time thing is hard, but I *know* it's what is best for my son, my DH, and myself.

One of my absolute worst fears is addiction for my son. I can't have him emulating me and my bad habits and have his life ruined. I can stop, and so can you. One day at a time.

Charlie117926

Thanks for the kind words happybeingme. I am beside myself with my own lack of self control. I sit here in my office and I just am like why?! I agree with you, I have to stop right this minute. I just want to be happy and I want to be sober. Again, Thank you, its nice to know I am not alone

GotGrace

This!

You have today, and that is all. Don't drink today. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow.

You can stop. I know you can!

Charlie117926

Thank you 080514, your words of support are greatly appreciated. I don't want my children (7 and 5 years old) to have a lasting impression of dad as a drunk. Also, Life is meant to be enjoyed and I just want to get back to that part of life again. I keep asking myself why cant I beat this? Where is my strength? Your 3 days of sobriety are an inspiration to me. Thank you

Meraviglioso

You've just goto to stop. It is that easy and that hard. Nothing more.
I never thought I could do it. I had tried so many times. I credit my 9 days this time to the support I have found here. The first days are the worst, just get through them day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. You can do this.
I can tell you, after only 9 days I already see myself being a better mother to my two sons (ages 5.5 and 4) and I already notice them closer to me emotionally. For me, that makes it all worth it. And that is not even starting on the other benefits.
You can do this. YOu know what they say: nothing to it, but to do it!

johnnybsober

I started with one day then another and another. When I had a bad day I went hour by hour. One really bad day I just went ten min at a time. That day was exhausting, but I made it through. I am on day 23, and I feel great.

Anna

Charlie, alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease.

You can stop drinking and many of us here don't use AA. SR is a great support system, too. My suggestion is to change your routine and daily patterns. Drive home from work a different way, go out for a walk at the time you would normally drink, do whatever it takes to get through the first few days without drinking. Don't keep alcohol in the house and don't buy more. Have faith that you can do this.

Meraviglioso

This is a great point too. I was barely there to enjoy moments with my kids. My boyfriend is so wonderful but I rarely remembered our nights together. Sometimes we would schedule a date and he would just end up leaving when he arrived and found me drunk. He'd say "when you are this drunk it is like I am alone, if I have to be alone I'd rather be at my house getting stuff done"

I was missing out on so much beautiful life being drunk.

Now we can enjoy those things.

Charlie117926

Thanks Anna. I went back and looked at my past threads since I joined and they all mirror each other. I am miserable drinking. I guess I just want to believe that this is something I should be able to overcome easily, but that is not the case.

I have had three sobriety dates. They are 1/20/14, 5/16/14 and today. I am going to give it all I have to make this day my last "Day 1"

Meraviglioso

Come on here and post away if you feel like drinking. I found that not only posting my own feelings and asking for help was useful, but also trying to offer advice to others. We alcoholics have a lot in common and just reading and trying to help someone else made me see things I could help in myself. We are all here for you. I promise you, it really does get easier.

Charlie117926

Thanks to everyone for the support this morning. I already feel a small victory just in the change in my attitude (with SR's help) from all of the kind words from all of you. Thank you

awholenewlife52

Welcome back, Charlie! Stick with us, we are all rooting for you here.

johnnybsober

Sharing my experience with others also helps me think about my former self. It is a form of therapy for me. Writing out my thoughts failures, victories and struggles makes me stronger and more committed than ever to stay sober

When ever those urges strike, just say to yourself "I am strong enough to say no to this one drink today."

gettingsmarter

There with ya Charlie.

hopeful4

Hello. I think it's great you are reaching out for help. I agree w/Anna, it does not define you. While this may be a new day one for you, it seems your mindset is changing. You are going back to see what has changed if anything.

Have you thought about therapy with a therapist who specializes in addiction? I did so for myself to get me through my husband's alcoholism, it helped me greatly.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! You are worth more, and so are your children. They deserve the best of you, and so do you.

Good luck to you! Stay with SR, it is of great support!!!!

trachemys

Hey Charlie. Tried our Non-AA section?

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

desypete

i wasnt an aa type of guy either until i lost my kids and my family and i lost my job, my money the lot
aa was the only place i had left to go and sadly i only wished i had gone before i lost it all

i wouldn't listen i wouldn't learn i somehow though i could get my own way out of the mess i was in but i would drink first and do something about my drink problems tomorrow

it was always tomorrow for me as i opened the next can