My drinking (or alcoholic) story ~ Advice appreciated
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
My drinking (or alcoholic) story ~ Advice appreciated
I am a 29 an out of work male who lost his job several years ago, which I hated, so it didn't leave me with a hole in my heart, but more recently left college, after flunking out, now I admit, that hurt. I admit that I was looking for an escape, and I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I lack the ability to have any sort of relationships since childhood, but college was different.
Anything illegal was, and still is, out of the question for me because I the last thing I need in my life on top of personal problems, is legal ones, so I immediately turned to alcohol. It started out with a few bottles of vodka, but bourbon quickly became my drug of choice. This was one year ago, before it became a serious problem. I would only drinking maybe 2 bottles a week. Some would say "Hey, are you nuts, that's too much!", but you and people like me both know that it's not too much until trying to stop doesn't give you a silly headache, or a lack of energy anymore, it just feel like you're going to die.
I'll try to cut it shorter, my fingers are getting tired, so my BIG issue has been the past 12 days or so. 21 one bottles of 700ml 80-90 proof bourbon. One case of 12 of each. That was definitely over a liter a day. I do not drink my bourbon straight, which you'd think is good, but it's not. It allows you to slam it down fast, and not gag or vomit afterward. I kept all that liquor down.
My method of drinking bourbon is a way a man who appreciates a fine bourbon would smack me across the face for doing. I pour in 100 ml, using a whiskey glass, then another 100 ml or so of diet cola, essentially making it a half n' half, really. I take the glass and slam it down fast. I've done this up to three times within 3-5 minutes when I woke up to find myself with a pounding heart in my chest, hands shaking, panic, and LORD, how dare I forget what has been one symptom driving me nuts from day 1, this stomach tightness, feeling as if it's on my lower abdomen, and it never quits! Always there throughout the whole thing.
The sad thing is that I enjoyed most of all this. I spend countless blissful hours watching movies that were sad and inspiring at the same time, I watched anything to get my tears jerking. It feels good to cry while you're drunk, but maybe that's just me.
Now finally, I did try to stop about 3 days ago. The first night, I woke up with this horrible feeling, as if someone was about to cast me into Hell, oh, and don't tell me nightmares don't make you suddenly get up in a seated position, I was seated, and terrified. It took me 5 minutes, maybe longer, to realize that I haven't urinated on myself, or vomited on myself, I had sweated myself to the point of having to change my pillow case. (PS: Fortunately, I don't pee myself while drinking)
Day 2, yesterday, the shakes, the constant shakes, the constant feeling of impending death, and it's not until you feel like you're indifferent about what is happening to you that it slightly gets better. As in "whatever, I brought this on myself, I used bad judgement, so let what happens, happen."
Finally, today. 72 or maybe 90 hours after final drink (didn't keep a journal), I'm only left with shakes and anxiety. That tremendously horrific episode never happened again. What really sucks is that I never knew. I thought alcohol was a "depressant", but it's not depressant, no way. This is some sort of hybrid. If someone asks you "How do I stay awake longer while drunk?", they way I laugh at myself for asking that question to people months ago, because the answer is to be an idiot, and never stop drinking.
I could only get 1, 2, 3, 4 hours at a time after the first 3 or 4 days. I was lucky to get 3 or 4 in 24 hours ~ no matter how much, or how drunk I was. After I first began my binge, I slept 8 hours or longer without issue. After researching online myself, I've found that alcohol slows things down while it's in your brain, then speeds everything up later. I did notice with my lighter drinking that if I drank too late, it did tend to make me feel like I had just woken up in the morning if it was 1 am, and then couldn't sleep again.
Anything else? The alcohol references on TV are killing me, they're on all the sitcoms, and they're in movies, too. Sick sick sick.
Oh, and my stomach tightening has gone away, actually really quickly. Oddly enough, never got a headache through all this. Crazy heart beats, pounding heart beats, feeling hotter (or colder than usual), and anything else, you may ask me on here.
God bless you all. Feel free to ask more Q's, oh, and ANY future advice about how I should drink in the future (if any at all) would be appreciated. I would never drink alone again. Maybe only I should avoid buying liquor? Also, how far along the mend am I to having zero withdrawals?
Sorry, I said I was going to stop a while ago, but my fingers went from sore to numb. :p
Thanks a ton, especially to anyone who read all this (haven't told anybody else in my life. I don't need family trying to convince me to go to rehab (I love to sleep in my own bed at night, and not talk to a bunch of strangers ... but if AA did work for you, tell me why.)
Anything illegal was, and still is, out of the question for me because I the last thing I need in my life on top of personal problems, is legal ones, so I immediately turned to alcohol. It started out with a few bottles of vodka, but bourbon quickly became my drug of choice. This was one year ago, before it became a serious problem. I would only drinking maybe 2 bottles a week. Some would say "Hey, are you nuts, that's too much!", but you and people like me both know that it's not too much until trying to stop doesn't give you a silly headache, or a lack of energy anymore, it just feel like you're going to die.
I'll try to cut it shorter, my fingers are getting tired, so my BIG issue has been the past 12 days or so. 21 one bottles of 700ml 80-90 proof bourbon. One case of 12 of each. That was definitely over a liter a day. I do not drink my bourbon straight, which you'd think is good, but it's not. It allows you to slam it down fast, and not gag or vomit afterward. I kept all that liquor down.
My method of drinking bourbon is a way a man who appreciates a fine bourbon would smack me across the face for doing. I pour in 100 ml, using a whiskey glass, then another 100 ml or so of diet cola, essentially making it a half n' half, really. I take the glass and slam it down fast. I've done this up to three times within 3-5 minutes when I woke up to find myself with a pounding heart in my chest, hands shaking, panic, and LORD, how dare I forget what has been one symptom driving me nuts from day 1, this stomach tightness, feeling as if it's on my lower abdomen, and it never quits! Always there throughout the whole thing.
The sad thing is that I enjoyed most of all this. I spend countless blissful hours watching movies that were sad and inspiring at the same time, I watched anything to get my tears jerking. It feels good to cry while you're drunk, but maybe that's just me.
Now finally, I did try to stop about 3 days ago. The first night, I woke up with this horrible feeling, as if someone was about to cast me into Hell, oh, and don't tell me nightmares don't make you suddenly get up in a seated position, I was seated, and terrified. It took me 5 minutes, maybe longer, to realize that I haven't urinated on myself, or vomited on myself, I had sweated myself to the point of having to change my pillow case. (PS: Fortunately, I don't pee myself while drinking)
Day 2, yesterday, the shakes, the constant shakes, the constant feeling of impending death, and it's not until you feel like you're indifferent about what is happening to you that it slightly gets better. As in "whatever, I brought this on myself, I used bad judgement, so let what happens, happen."
Finally, today. 72 or maybe 90 hours after final drink (didn't keep a journal), I'm only left with shakes and anxiety. That tremendously horrific episode never happened again. What really sucks is that I never knew. I thought alcohol was a "depressant", but it's not depressant, no way. This is some sort of hybrid. If someone asks you "How do I stay awake longer while drunk?", they way I laugh at myself for asking that question to people months ago, because the answer is to be an idiot, and never stop drinking.
I could only get 1, 2, 3, 4 hours at a time after the first 3 or 4 days. I was lucky to get 3 or 4 in 24 hours ~ no matter how much, or how drunk I was. After I first began my binge, I slept 8 hours or longer without issue. After researching online myself, I've found that alcohol slows things down while it's in your brain, then speeds everything up later. I did notice with my lighter drinking that if I drank too late, it did tend to make me feel like I had just woken up in the morning if it was 1 am, and then couldn't sleep again.
Anything else? The alcohol references on TV are killing me, they're on all the sitcoms, and they're in movies, too. Sick sick sick.
Oh, and my stomach tightening has gone away, actually really quickly. Oddly enough, never got a headache through all this. Crazy heart beats, pounding heart beats, feeling hotter (or colder than usual), and anything else, you may ask me on here.
God bless you all. Feel free to ask more Q's, oh, and ANY future advice about how I should drink in the future (if any at all) would be appreciated. I would never drink alone again. Maybe only I should avoid buying liquor? Also, how far along the mend am I to having zero withdrawals?
Sorry, I said I was going to stop a while ago, but my fingers went from sore to numb. :p
Thanks a ton, especially to anyone who read all this (haven't told anybody else in my life. I don't need family trying to convince me to go to rehab (I love to sleep in my own bed at night, and not talk to a bunch of strangers ... but if AA did work for you, tell me why.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: n/a
Posts: 225
Well I'm on day 2 after a weekend long binge before that I had 5 days in. I know I have to stop drinking I can't just have one and that's just no way to live anymore. I think in your best interest you should stop drinking to. I don't think you want to go threw the horrible withdrawals anymore once you decide to quit again . I have never been to AA but I'm considering going because I can't do this on my own and that's why I binged over the weekend. There's no future advice on how you should drink . You say you would never drink alone but it will end up happening again it's a vicious cycle.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to SR, Luk 
Have you thought about a program? AA is one, as you've mentioned. But there's also SMART, LifeRing, RR & AVRT to name a few more... Many people use recovery books and SR, alone.
I have used SMART, Women For Sobriety, AVRT and then AA finally.
I know you mentioned not wanting to go to rehab, but IOP is an outpatient option. I did a 20 day IOP and it helped me so much. I'd highly recommend not discounting that option.
Again, welcome
Have you thought about a program? AA is one, as you've mentioned. But there's also SMART, LifeRing, RR & AVRT to name a few more... Many people use recovery books and SR, alone. I have used SMART, Women For Sobriety, AVRT and then AA finally.
I know you mentioned not wanting to go to rehab, but IOP is an outpatient option. I did a 20 day IOP and it helped me so much. I'd highly recommend not discounting that option.
Again, welcome
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to sober recovery. Good of you to quit before anything gets worse.
Drink again? Brother, kiss that train goodbye. In a short period of time you achieved a high level of alcohol consumption. I doubt you will ever be able to drink normally. Sorry. The sooner you accept you can never drink, never moderate, the sooner you can put a plan in place to support the decision never to drink again.
If you had posted at day one, I would have told you to go to the doctor. At day three, it's probably still a good idea, though you seem to have gone through the worst of the physical part. Now comes the mental.
Originally Posted by luk3 
ANY future advice about how I should drink in the future (if any at all) would be appreciated. I would never drink alone again. Maybe only I should avoid buying liquor?
If you had posted at day one, I would have told you to go to the doctor. At day three, it's probably still a good idea, though you seem to have gone through the worst of the physical part. Now comes the mental.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Welcome to SR - Glad your here.
I did read your whole story - wow!
Frankly, I am shocked you did not get alcohol poisoning! Must have the constitution of a Viking.
I do attend AA and have found a simple program as well as fellowship. I am fortunate in finding a good group with a mix of newly sober and good long time sobriety. It works for me due to a message presented with gallows humor. I have a dark heart I suppose in terms of what is funny - plenty of material to fill that.
You'll read both good and bad on SR about AA. The one thing you will read consistently is whatever it takes to achieve GOOD SOBRIETY there are options. It's your recovery!
Glad you posted.....keep it up!
I did read your whole story - wow!
Frankly, I am shocked you did not get alcohol poisoning! Must have the constitution of a Viking.
I do attend AA and have found a simple program as well as fellowship. I am fortunate in finding a good group with a mix of newly sober and good long time sobriety. It works for me due to a message presented with gallows humor. I have a dark heart I suppose in terms of what is funny - plenty of material to fill that.
You'll read both good and bad on SR about AA. The one thing you will read consistently is whatever it takes to achieve GOOD SOBRIETY there are options. It's your recovery!
Glad you posted.....keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Imabuleva
See a doctor and seriously consider therapy in combination with AA. AA can be difficult if you are not religious or spiritual. Professional therapy can help a ton.
The bottom line is we just don’t drink even if our a$$ falls off!
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
I am very new to AA and giving it a chance regardless of the fact that I'm an atheist (meaning I don't believe in gods). It's not easy for me but drinking will kill me so I'm switching up my routine because that's all I can do right now. I've been to the hospital with physical withdrawals.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
Sorry to hijack this thread. My non-religious experience with AA is fresh in my mind as I am also newly sober (again ugh)... welcome to SR. It's an amazing resource and I would be even more lost without it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
Luk3, you say you have a problem with relationships. Have you ever sought counseling for that? Also (though I'm still figuring things out myself,) since you ask, it sounds like you're using alcohol purely as poison, and I think you know it. No good in that, right?
God bless you, too, Luk3. I'm so glad you're here. Hang on to hope.
God bless you, too, Luk3. I'm so glad you're here. Hang on to hope.
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