A moment of madness
 

I had 8 months of sobriety before my relapse last month. Now I am on day 26 I think.

To be honest I am having a tough time the past few days. I had a second helping of roast dinner followed by too much ice-cream on Sunday and I was sick on Monday. My dad and I had words and he said "typical addicts behaviour...trying to fill the gap". I just get very tired of people (family) always pointing out what I am doing wrong. At times, I long for a kind word. All I have gotten is lectures and preaching.

Today I went out and bought a bottle of vodka. I brought it home and looked at it for a while. And then I put it away in a cupboard and thought about it some more. And then I took it out of the cupboard and flushed it down the toilet. I am physically and emotionally drained and exhausted.

I really need some good quality sleep but I can't switch off my thoughts.

Tomorrow I will go to a meeting.

Tetra, you don't need vodka to be happy, just be you!!

Any progress on the job applications? you really need to break free, get your own place and live your own life!!

You can do this!! :)

Yes, I have been applying for jobs and have an interview on Thursday.

Fantastic!! . . . just quit the vodka idea for the time being, you don't need it!! :)

Make sure you keep in touch with your emotions and acknowledge them.

Ex: the Thursday interview might be stressing you more then you think?

Good luck with the interview!

When your Dad said, "typical addict behaviour", did you look at him and say, "typical co-dependent behaviour"?

Touche!

Ow..ow..ouch! And I bet he wonders how he could have possibly spawned an addict with such great comforting empathetic wisdom such as that. I often wonder if people actually "feel good" after saying stuff like that. Does a warm shot of self righteous energy warm the insides? Is there a tinge of glee or do they feel taller, stronger and better lookin'? Ya...I don't get it.

So glad you didn't twist open that vodka in spite and defeat.

You can do this..you know you can.

I find your dad's "therapy" to be very unhelpful. :hug: Do you tell him his attitude and treatment of you bothers you?

You don't need any vodka and I'm glad you poured it out. Try your utmost to not buy any more. :hug:

I am still struggling with guilt. I know I post a lot about my family here but I do spend a lot of time with them.

I was sick on Monday from that cheesecake and ice-cream. My dad did ask if I had been drinking and said "if you drink again, my heart can't take it". I cried and he said "where did my sweet child learn all this self-hatred". Then my mom phoned and was like "if you put us through this ever again...". My dad told her to be quiet, that last month was a blip and it is in the past.

My heart can't take this.

((((Tetra))))

I agree with PurpleKnight Tetra - it will be good for you, and your family too, for you to find a job, be more independent and maybe ultimately move to your own place :)

D

Good for you for getting rid of the vodka! You're stronger than you think. I hope you find a job soon and are able to detach from your family a bit. Their guilt trips and criticism are not helpful.

Hang in there and good luck on Thursday! xo

Ya know, your dad is telling your mom to stop doing the same things he does...:( I hope you get a job soon and can get your own place. :hug:

In this life a lot of people don't care about you at all. Some build you up. Others actively tear you down. Life is too precious and too short to waste on the people that try to tear you down...even if they're your family.

Be well, Tetra! I feel like you're making progress. That will have to happen on your schedule, not theirs.:You_Rock_

Good on you for throwing the vodka away.

I agree with finding your own place. Have you looked into finding a place? Even if you are out of work now there are social housing schemes available and out of work benefits to help you find a place.

I do wonder if deep down you aren't really wanting to leave home? Somehow you and your parents are in this vicious cycle-you are dependent on them, they treat you like a child, you accept it and it continues. It is comfortable, financially etc by not having to live alone but for your own sanity,sobriety and development it's necessary for us to break from our parent.Who knows- it will probably do your relationship with them the world of good :) Nothing will change if nothing changes

Tetra, you're nearly a month sober again after an eight-month stretch and a slip. That takes real courage and determination. You are much, much stronger than you realise :hug:

Your dad clearly loves you and is worried about you. He can see that your mum's reaction isn't helpful but can't see or help his own. From what you say, your relationship seems to be becoming more and more claustrophobic and obsessive. A show of independence from you, such as taking steps to move away, would help you both.

I hope the job interview goes well tomorrow. Again, see how much determination you're showing by continuing to try? There is a real fighter inside of you :)

Tetra well done for not drinking the vodka! You can do it!

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. Will let you know how I get on x