Rosie88

This is probably going to be a tad bit long!

I'm 26 and live with my extremely supportive, non-drinking boyfriend. I am in school (undergrad) full time and graduate in December.

I rarely see my family (dad, stepmom). Maybe 4-5 times a year. They do live only 45 minutes away from me. My sister lives about an hour away from me and I currently do not speak to her. (I prefer it that way)

Anyways, I'm new to sobriety. Woke up today on day 11 sober! Yay! I have been thinking it's a good idea to cut contact with my father and step mom temporarily. I mean, I'd pick up the phone if my dad called and have a quick chat (he's not much of a talker anyways), but actually not see them for a while. I'm thinking maybe June next year.

They tend to make me want to drink into oblivion. Both my dad and step mom are heavy drinkers. They start when they get home from work and easily have 3-4 drinks each, if not more, everyday. I wouldn't classify them as alcoholics, as I do not see them often and it's their life. My dad drinks gin on the rocks (fills the rocks glass up to the very top) and my stepmom loves red wine. She does not give herself little pours either.

So there's that... I'm always offered/pressured to drink there. If I say no... they don't give up. I highly doubt that this early in sobriety, it would be good to be around that.

So there's that. They also criticize me for going to college for psychology. My step mom is a doctor. She thinks medical school is the only degree worth getting. I know she has basically taught my dad that as well. (My dad works in a trade, never stepped foot in college) I told them I had plans to go to graduate school for cognitive psychology and get a PhD. Apparently, they told my sister it was a bad idea and that "I won't make enough money" etc.

Part of the reason I don't speak to my sister is because she tried to chastise me for wanting to go to grad school and also for even getting a BA in Psychology. (She took a few courses at DeVry and that's it) She was saying that I'm stressing my parents to death because I'll always be in debt and that I'm ruining my life as well as theirs.

I told my dad the story and he didn't say much. However, when I do actually visit my dad and step mom, it's like a big elephant in the room.

It just stresses me out. I'm not putting them in debt. All my loans have my name on them only! I also don't have much in loans to begin with because I don't make much money at all, so I've gotten a lot of money in grants to pay for school.

I want a PhD in cognitive psychology. I want to work on research with dementia specifically. It truly fascinates me and I don't even consider it work because I love learning new things in that field. I want to do something meaningful in life and if I listened to my parents and ditched psychology all together, I know I'd regret it for life.

So that's the story basically. All the pressure on me from them just makes me really want to drink... A lot.

I want to get myself plenty of sober time, and get healthy (both mentally and physically) before I see them. That'll take me a while... And I think if I have a good amount of months of sobriety under my belt, they will take me not drinking seriously.

I also want to give it that long because I will have been accepted into grad school by that time so they know I'm serious about what I want to do and that nothing they can say will change my mind.

I also feel that I'll be better equipped to deal with their criticism with a clearer mind.

By that time also, I'll be able to work a steady full time job in counseling/social work during my short break from school, about 8-9 months. (I have a job lined up, they just need me to have full time availability).

I just want everything relatively stable in my life before I see them again in order to handle them.

Does this sound like a decent plan or am I wrong for trying to cut them out temporarily?

Thanks for taking the time to read this! :-)

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are pretty detached from them already, other than the occasional visits to their home. If cutting those out helps you with your sobriety and further your career, absolutely do so. Just be honest about the whole thing - sneaking around or trying to avoid them won't help anyone. If they ask just tell them what you told us - that you need time alone to strengthen your sobriety and your career planning.

Rosie88

Yeah, I was thinking that I wasn't going to tell then anything until I was invited to come to thanksgiving or Christmas.

Cheli

Do what you feel works best for you. Only you know that and if it means staying away from your family then so be it. Just don't let anyone or anything sabotage your sobriety. 11 days is hard to come by and congratulations on that! You can always find a family here with us at SR. Best of luck to you!

biminiblue

If they call, tell them then. If you wait until Christmas or holidays, there will extra feelings then. Make the plan and it will be in place well before the holidays, therefore no extra added discussion.

I moved 3000 miles to be away from family. I feel you, my friend.

DoubleBarrel

You should be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober.
You don't owe anyone an explanation or ANYTHING.

Just do what you have to do. People will either understand, or they won't. That is also not your problem.

I havent told my parents that Im sober at two years. They don't get it, never have. Maybe they will, but it has nothing to do with what I need for my sobriety.

Congratulations on your sobriety. Sounds like you are on a great path.

ESD907

So there's that... I'm always offered/pressured to drink there. If I say no... they don't give up.......................................... I would tell them up front you are sober now, prior to going there. also, let them know you will not be drinking when you visit them.. Do not offer it, do not insist. Tell them in as strong a tone that you can (you mean business) that you will leave if they push/ask things that make you uncomfortable, etc. Also, while you are at it take a stand re: your career path. And great going on getting sober.

SoberComposer

I agree with all above. Negative people usually doesn't like to see others succeed, I ran into that with my own family. For me it's best to keep this between me and SR. Follow your passion and a big congratulations on your graduation in December!! I think you are doing remarkably but as everyone said sobriety first! Honestly, some people in your life may never understand and even try to convince you that your not an alcoholic because if they drink alot it would force them to consider their own status with the bottle. Much respect and stay strong!

Flying4Life

You're plan sounds like a healthy option for you. I think you should go for it. This is your life and you need to do what is best for you regardless of your family's opinions about it. Being sober is the best thing you can do to help yourself create a healthy, happy, and successful life. Don't let anything get in the way of that.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with Scott- you are very detached from them already which sounds like a good thing.

You don't need permission, acceptance or approval from your dad, stepmom, sister or anyone to pursue the qualifications and career that you want. It is disappointing when our families don't support us but that is their issue-you do not have to make it your issue. Do whatever is best for you-you sound pretty strong minded and know what you want which is a great thing. Do what is right for you

readerbaby71

It sounds like you know what you want to do with your life. That's amazing, and you should not be criticized for it at all. If you need to stay away from their controlling, negative behavior it's your right to do so. Congrats on your sobriety!

Rosie88

Thanks everyone! I think I'm going to go along with this plan. It's the best!

I appreciate it!