first day here, 22 days sober, a little about me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: west coast us
Posts: 7
first day here, 22 days sober, a little about me
Hello world! Just joined the site in hopes of getting some support and advice.
A little about me: I am 31 years old and have loved to drink since the first time I tried it when I was in high school. I have never been a daily drinker but loved to binge :/ and I am prone to blackouts (always hated them, never thought that was fun and would get mad at myself for letting it happen). I have always kept up on school work, bills, job responsibilities, etc but have had my share of crazy ass weekend blurs. Earlier this year I decided to try 10 weeks sober after getting wasted with one of my managers, falling down, cutting my leg and not remembering how I acted or what exactly happened. This year I started to get increasingly worried about my actions when drunk so I really wanted to try not drinking. I was doing really well then I went on vacation with a friend (one of my favorite drinking buddies who now lives out of state) and I was torn on if I would drink or not before going. I had made it nearly the 10 weeks. Then on accident a drink was set in front of me... and I had it. It was fun, I didn't feel too bad, nothing too crazy happened. I felt proud about not touching anything for so long. After I got home, I was barely drinking (1 beer after a whole day of yard work, 1 glass of wine at a baby shower, etc.) but of course it crept back up and I was drinking 4-8? drinks when I did drink (1-3 times per week). I went on vacation again (saw the same friend) and I was upset that day and ended up getting hammered at brunch so much so that I had to be taken home in the late afternoon to sleep it off missing dinner with my boyfriends family then I woke up, stumbled downstairs and went to a bbq where I refused water and had more drinks! Crazy! So I vowed to quit again... I made it about three weeks and then got invited to a party. I told myself, well, this is my last test to see if I can keep in control... well, you know what happened there! Ended up keeping it pretty chill but watched my bf get hammered (he's not a big drinker at all), after he passed out, I stayed up drinking and going to the bars. We crashed at the party. He woke me up at 6am to leave and ride our bikes home. I barley remember it and couldn't ride my bike. I fell several times and cut up my elbow, knee, and legs, banged my head on the ground, bruised my eye during the 5 mile mission home... it was horrible... so I have vowed to quit again... and I am at 22 days now. I am not really interested in AA. I want to think I can get a hold of this, get used to not drinking, have that be normal and then move on with life. I don't like the idea that it's a lifelong struggle... I hope it gets easier. I find it pretty hard to be around people drinking and I miss it. I feel like I am not in on the fun in some ways. Each day is not a struggle because I have never really wanted to drink day after day but on the weekend or out at a restaurant or bar is pretty hard. Even when my bf has a beer or two I find myself grouchy. Will it get better? Does anyone have anything to share? I found that no one around me thinks I really have a big problem. No one but me has suggested sobriety, they suggest just getting it under control. I don't think anyone understands what it's like for me. I don't really know anyone else who is sober. I feel pretty alone, have been having trouble sleeping. During my 10 weeks I felt really good but this time, maybe because there is no "end" in sight it feels more heavy. I am just waiting to the spot where it's great to be sober, like what I have read in books - when does it happen?!?!?!
I am almost convinced it will but I haven't experienced anything yet. Thanks in advance for any comments or advice!! 
A little about me: I am 31 years old and have loved to drink since the first time I tried it when I was in high school. I have never been a daily drinker but loved to binge :/ and I am prone to blackouts (always hated them, never thought that was fun and would get mad at myself for letting it happen). I have always kept up on school work, bills, job responsibilities, etc but have had my share of crazy ass weekend blurs. Earlier this year I decided to try 10 weeks sober after getting wasted with one of my managers, falling down, cutting my leg and not remembering how I acted or what exactly happened. This year I started to get increasingly worried about my actions when drunk so I really wanted to try not drinking. I was doing really well then I went on vacation with a friend (one of my favorite drinking buddies who now lives out of state) and I was torn on if I would drink or not before going. I had made it nearly the 10 weeks. Then on accident a drink was set in front of me... and I had it. It was fun, I didn't feel too bad, nothing too crazy happened. I felt proud about not touching anything for so long. After I got home, I was barely drinking (1 beer after a whole day of yard work, 1 glass of wine at a baby shower, etc.) but of course it crept back up and I was drinking 4-8? drinks when I did drink (1-3 times per week). I went on vacation again (saw the same friend) and I was upset that day and ended up getting hammered at brunch so much so that I had to be taken home in the late afternoon to sleep it off missing dinner with my boyfriends family then I woke up, stumbled downstairs and went to a bbq where I refused water and had more drinks! Crazy! So I vowed to quit again... I made it about three weeks and then got invited to a party. I told myself, well, this is my last test to see if I can keep in control... well, you know what happened there! Ended up keeping it pretty chill but watched my bf get hammered (he's not a big drinker at all), after he passed out, I stayed up drinking and going to the bars. We crashed at the party. He woke me up at 6am to leave and ride our bikes home. I barley remember it and couldn't ride my bike. I fell several times and cut up my elbow, knee, and legs, banged my head on the ground, bruised my eye during the 5 mile mission home... it was horrible... so I have vowed to quit again... and I am at 22 days now. I am not really interested in AA. I want to think I can get a hold of this, get used to not drinking, have that be normal and then move on with life. I don't like the idea that it's a lifelong struggle... I hope it gets easier. I find it pretty hard to be around people drinking and I miss it. I feel like I am not in on the fun in some ways. Each day is not a struggle because I have never really wanted to drink day after day but on the weekend or out at a restaurant or bar is pretty hard. Even when my bf has a beer or two I find myself grouchy. Will it get better? Does anyone have anything to share? I found that no one around me thinks I really have a big problem. No one but me has suggested sobriety, they suggest just getting it under control. I don't think anyone understands what it's like for me. I don't really know anyone else who is sober. I feel pretty alone, have been having trouble sleeping. During my 10 weeks I felt really good but this time, maybe because there is no "end" in sight it feels more heavy. I am just waiting to the spot where it's great to be sober, like what I have read in books - when does it happen?!?!?!
I am almost convinced it will but I haven't experienced anything yet. Thanks in advance for any comments or advice!! 
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome noey, and thanks for sharing your story. It's a very familiar one, know that you are not alone and that we understand.
Congrats on your sober time, and know that it does definitely get better. sobriety is a lifelong commitment, but it becomes much easier to maintain as you get stronger. SR is a great means of support too, some even use it as their primary support ( me included ). Grab a chair and stay a while, read lots and ask lots of questions.
Congrats on your sober time, and know that it does definitely get better. sobriety is a lifelong commitment, but it becomes much easier to maintain as you get stronger. SR is a great means of support too, some even use it as their primary support ( me included ). Grab a chair and stay a while, read lots and ask lots of questions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: west coast us
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Welcome noey, and thanks for sharing your story. It's a very familiar one, know that you are not alone and that we understand.
Congrats on your sober time, and know that it does definitely get better. sobriety is a lifelong commitment, but it becomes much easier to maintain as you get stronger. SR is a great means of support too, some even use it as their primary support ( me included ). Grab a chair and stay a while, read lots and ask lots of questions.
Congrats on your sober time, and know that it does definitely get better. sobriety is a lifelong commitment, but it becomes much easier to maintain as you get stronger. SR is a great means of support too, some even use it as their primary support ( me included ). Grab a chair and stay a while, read lots and ask lots of questions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
First of all, you are definitely not alone. Look at all of us here! 
I too use SR as my primary support. You might have an easier time missing alcohol when you reevaluate how you look at it. For me, it is now poison, bleh! It made my life miserable and nearly killed me. I am making my peace with the fact that I will never be able to drink normally. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. When you view your abstinence as a deprivation, no wonder you will resent it. Choose to look at sobriety as an opportunity instead, your ticket to a better life, to you you were meant to be. It gets easier when you want sobriety more than you want to just quit drinking, if that makes any sense... Also, it helps me to think in those terms: do I give up this one thing to have everything, or give up everything to have this one thing.
Best of luck, welcome to the forum, keep posting!
I too use SR as my primary support. You might have an easier time missing alcohol when you reevaluate how you look at it. For me, it is now poison, bleh! It made my life miserable and nearly killed me. I am making my peace with the fact that I will never be able to drink normally. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. When you view your abstinence as a deprivation, no wonder you will resent it. Choose to look at sobriety as an opportunity instead, your ticket to a better life, to you you were meant to be. It gets easier when you want sobriety more than you want to just quit drinking, if that makes any sense... Also, it helps me to think in those terms: do I give up this one thing to have everything, or give up everything to have this one thing.Best of luck, welcome to the forum, keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 294
Originally Posted by melki
First of all, you are definitely not alone. Look at all of us here! I too use SR as my primary support. You might have an easier time missing alcohol when you reevaluate how you look at it. For me, it is now poison, bleh! It made my life miserable and nearly killed me. I am making my peace with the fact that I will never be able to drink normally. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. When you view your abstinence as a deprivation, no wonder you will resent it. Choose to look at sobriety as an opportunity instead, your ticket to a better life, to you you were meant to be. It gets easier when you want sobriety more than you want to just quit drinking, if that makes any sense... Also, it helps me to think in those terms: do I give up this one thing to have everything, or give up everything to have this one thing.
Best of luck, welcome to the forum, keep posting!
I too use SR as my primary support. You might have an easier time missing alcohol when you reevaluate how you look at it. For me, it is now poison, bleh! It made my life miserable and nearly killed me. I am making my peace with the fact that I will never be able to drink normally. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. When you view your abstinence as a deprivation, no wonder you will resent it. Choose to look at sobriety as an opportunity instead, your ticket to a better life, to you you were meant to be. It gets easier when you want sobriety more than you want to just quit drinking, if that makes any sense... Also, it helps me to think in those terms: do I give up this one thing to have everything, or give up everything to have this one thing.Best of luck, welcome to the forum, keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: west coast us
Posts: 7
haven't been active on here for weeks but happy to report, i haven't had any drinks! it's getting easier but at times is still challenging and takes some willpower (work events, etc. where everyone else is drinking, seriously, I am the only sober person out of about 30) but i have stuck to it. monday will mark 3 months! hip hip hooray! 
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