myhollowhell

So a little back story, I am a phlebotomist. I have been doing this since I was 19.

I am just getting sober again, and my dream job is to become a trauma nurse. For me to get into the nursing school that I want I have to have a really good looking application. Well having phlebotomy for multiple years, looks stunning on a resume.

I am a heroin multiple other drugs- addict . I am an IV user. I don't want to give up my job and don't feel that it would trigger me at all , yet everyone around me my family, my sponsor, some friends really feel that me dealing with needles all day is a BAD idea.

I love my job, not because of needles or anything of that sort. It is purely because of the people I get to work with and our clients. I am good at what I do and I have had so many patients tell me "getting my blood drawn is possibly the worst experience I have ever had in my life I get stuck multiple times and it is awful". By the time I am done I get so many compliments and a "wow you are so good, you just made me not so afraid thank you so much"
I love taking someone who is deathly afraid of needles, and make sure that they don't hurt and they are no longer afraid. I don't succeed every time but the majority of the time, I do.

At this point I am unwilling to give it up. I LOVE what I do.

I am not asking for someone to tell me what I need to do. I am asking for y'all's experience, if you have a job that triggered you or are afraid going back to the job would trigger you and what would you do if it's a job you love.

Thank you to all that reply. I genuinely appreciate it.

sugarbear1

is this job triggering you? doesn't seem to....

no triggers here. waking up to a new day was a reason, once. not now

PurpleKnight

Sounds like you need to come and give the nurse at my doctor's office a few pointers, she can be brutal with a needle when taking blood!!

Seriously though, it doesn't sound like your job is causing any triggers, so enjoy having a job that you like!!

Wastinglife

Hi Hollow, I was in rehab a few years ago for alcoholism but there a few nurses also in the program with me. 2 of them were there for opiate addiction. They were stealing pain meds from the hospital. One of them actually was skimming pain meds from patients so they weren't getting the prescribed dose.

As a nurse, you will be around all sorts of powerful opiate based medications. Do you think that may be a problem for a heroin addict? There was a post here the other day by an alcoholic bartender and his struggle to stay sober at work. An opiate addict nurse may face the same conflict.

myhollowhell

You are right, I will be around it. Yet I don't want that life. I want better, I feel that if I continue to work a strong program and stay in immediate contact with my higher power I will be okay.

Yeah I'll have my bad days, I'll have the days where I want to get high and the days that I crave but my only motive and real reason to go into the medical field is because I STRONGLY believe that medicine =healing. Medicine is intriguing and to watch someone come in broken , hurt, and in hurt ... And treat them with love, respect, and give them courage that they can walk through this.. is the most spiritual thing I could ever want to be apart of. I want to be apart of that. I want to help people in every way I can.
I just don't want my disease that I am working so hard to come to terms with ... Get in the way of my dreams.

Thank you so much for the stories about the nurses. I needed to read that.

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

EyesOfAStranger

It's an interesting question, and I can certainly relate to where you are coming from. I originally began my career in the medical field, and worked at a hospital as I attended a co-op ed university. I loved the medical field, but wound up dropping out after 2 1/2 years for what I can only attribute to stupid 20 year old reasons. Hindsight is truly 20/20. I have been doing office work for 20 years now and loathe it with a passion. There is no sense of helping others, so repetitive, ugh. It is not for me, and you sound similar to me. It's miserable.

That said, even if I could go back in to the field I don't think I could. I am an opiate addict, and I've thought about this before. I honestly do not think I could be surrounded by meds all day. It would taunt me and make me miserable. That's not to say I would necessarily act on any urges, but I feel like it would always be on my mind. Now that is me, not you. Throughout my addiction there were many things I could not do, was not willing to breach my morals on. As an example, the past 28 days of sobriety I have known my father has a bottle of 7 vicodin. As much as I have thought of them, it is not worth the betrayal to take them. Playing the tape to the end, there is no good outcome, and I know I would not be able to live with myself. So they have never been an option for me, and perhaps at work you would feel the same way and be just fine.

Herein lies the reason I am so impressed by recovering alcoholics. No matter what you do to avoid it, liquor is EVERYWHERE. You turn on the tv, there are commercials. You go to a restaurant, a supermarket, or even the corner store - there it is legal and easily accessible. It's not just as easy as no longer going to bars. And look how many here are able to resist those temptations and walk on by. It truly amazes me. And it is proof that it can be done

I think it comes down to you, and I think you will know what you can and cannot handle. Like I said, I know I couldn't do it - less because of being afraid I might to try to get my hands on some (it's incredibly hard these days, it's all automated - but there is always a way) but more because mentally I think it would get to me, and if I couldn't get it there I would probably go back to trying to find it outside of there.

You are so young, and I hope you get to live out your dreams! It is truly rewarding work - be honest with yourself and I think you will know

LBrain

if you can do it, why not?

Anna

Don't worry about what other people think.

Do what is right for you.