How do you deal with drinking significant others?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
At first, I didn't tell my mate that I am trying to quit. I just made up excuses for the first week or two as to why I wasn't drinking. Then, once I realized that I wanted to stop drinking for good, I came clean, stating that I want to stop drinking completely. She has been extremely supportive. She even offered to quit along with me. For me, however, that wasn't important, since she doesn't have a problem with alcohol - I do. She drinks a glass or two of wine most days, but that hasn't been a trigger for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
This is going to be hard for me too. He doesn't drink but once or twice a month, can stop after a few, or other times he can drink as hard as I do, but its still not often and never at home alone. I've mentioned that I have a problem before (I binge every-other night) he shrugs it off like its no big deal. Maybe he just acts like I don't have a problem because he doesn't want to believe it, or he doesn't want to upset me by saying I'm a lousy drunk out loud. Maybe he'll secretly be happy when I quit, quit. But it seems he doesn't want to lose me as a drinking buddy when he does want to let loose.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
PJane, that must be really difficult for you. I'm single so I can't really relate but I just got back from a family vacation where "normies" were drinking, and I started to feel so sorry for myself, I ended up crying. Only my mom didn't drink, because she's the only one who really understands and respects that I have a problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi PJane and thanks for posting! I feel for you on this one. I would assume that (not having read your other posts) you realize that you have a problem with alcohol and, if so, your husband probably knows it too. If this is true, that's at least a good starting point and, as Scott says, if you discuss it with him, coexistence is possible.
In the end, it really is up to you. The first time I tried to quit I was in a relationship with a drinker who, while not up to my levels of insanity, was definitely a regular-to-heavy drinker. He was also my drinking buddy so eventually got resentful of the fact that I was sober. I couldn't live in a house with him drinking around me constantly so I did relapse. Not his fault, mine. But I knew that it was going to be really hard to get sober in that situation.
I also found that in early sobriety, I absolutely could not be around people who were drinking. Or, if I absolutely had to, I needed a definite escape route on my own terms. Obviously this is not really possible when you live with the drinker.
Some people on here have not had a problem with this at all. So, like I said, it depends on you. While many people do not understand alcoholism, they do understand the destructive and painful behavior that goes along with it and generally will be supportive of you stopping unless it's somehow threatening to them.
This last go-around I lived with a good friend who is a normie and he was more than willing to take the alcohol out of the house and not drink in front of me. For him, no big deal but, for me? Saved my hide.
These days? I don't even notice people drinking most of the time. But I could not live with someone who was an active drinker. I could also probably not date someone who was an active drinker. Too risky...for me.
I think communication and honesty are key. There's always a way if there's a will. It's entirely possible and you'll get tons of awesome support here.
In the end, it really is up to you. The first time I tried to quit I was in a relationship with a drinker who, while not up to my levels of insanity, was definitely a regular-to-heavy drinker. He was also my drinking buddy so eventually got resentful of the fact that I was sober. I couldn't live in a house with him drinking around me constantly so I did relapse. Not his fault, mine. But I knew that it was going to be really hard to get sober in that situation.
I also found that in early sobriety, I absolutely could not be around people who were drinking. Or, if I absolutely had to, I needed a definite escape route on my own terms. Obviously this is not really possible when you live with the drinker.
Some people on here have not had a problem with this at all. So, like I said, it depends on you. While many people do not understand alcoholism, they do understand the destructive and painful behavior that goes along with it and generally will be supportive of you stopping unless it's somehow threatening to them.
This last go-around I lived with a good friend who is a normie and he was more than willing to take the alcohol out of the house and not drink in front of me. For him, no big deal but, for me? Saved my hide.
These days? I don't even notice people drinking most of the time. But I could not live with someone who was an active drinker. I could also probably not date someone who was an active drinker. Too risky...for me.
I think communication and honesty are key. There's always a way if there's a will. It's entirely possible and you'll get tons of awesome support here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Definitely have a chat with him, but your sobriety is your sobriety at the end of the day!!
There's always going to be people drinking in the world, alongside adverts for alcohol and bars on every corner, it's gonna take time to adjust but you'll get there!!
You're a non drinker from now on!!
There's always going to be people drinking in the world, alongside adverts for alcohol and bars on every corner, it's gonna take time to adjust but you'll get there!!
You're a non drinker from now on!!
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