Dry drunk???
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Dry drunk is a very oft-discussed topic here and sometimes very controversial. There is no definitive answer for what it really means, but some suggest that it's simply a person who has stopped drinking but has done no recovery work and still has many of the issues that their addiction causes.
Why do you ask - are you experiencing something similar in how you are feeling now?
Why do you ask - are you experiencing something similar in how you are feeling now?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
When I first got sober many years ago, I'd talked about a couple of my everyday problems during a meeting, mostly about my wife having left three years before due to my drinking. And elderly woman who had many years sober approached me and said something along the lines of, "I heard you share tonight about your problems. If you want, I'll sit with you and talk about it with you until that coffee urn is empty. If I happen to see you at this meeting next week, and you're talking about your problems again, I'll sit with you after the meeting again for maybe an hour, and we can talk. If I see you again at this meeting another time, and you're still complaining about the same thing, and you see me in the room, please walk in the opposite direction."
Some people might refer to this as "tough love," even rudeness or insensitivity. Contrary to what some people may want to believe, the message wasn't about me shutting up about my problems; the message was to do something about whatever it was that was bothering me, rather than constantly complaining about it. And this never-ending complaining is, to me, one of the behaviors we often see in what we commonly refer to as a "dry drunk." I don't like the label, but we have always and ever shortened the language in order to be able to understand things without having to explain them in excruciating detail each and every time we talk about them.
Life's mysteries are never unlocked with words, thoughts and feelings alone; the road to redemption is paved with actions, taking risks and building a better life.
Some people might refer to this as "tough love," even rudeness or insensitivity. Contrary to what some people may want to believe, the message wasn't about me shutting up about my problems; the message was to do something about whatever it was that was bothering me, rather than constantly complaining about it. And this never-ending complaining is, to me, one of the behaviors we often see in what we commonly refer to as a "dry drunk." I don't like the label, but we have always and ever shortened the language in order to be able to understand things without having to explain them in excruciating detail each and every time we talk about them.
Life's mysteries are never unlocked with words, thoughts and feelings alone; the road to redemption is paved with actions, taking risks and building a better life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
I read about dry drunk syndrome after i quit.
I don't use any support, just SR and reading some AVRT. Do i still have issues because of my drinking? Yes, but i'm slowly working on them. I don't feel like i'm abstaining and i'm building a better life for myself.
As long as i know i'm on the right path, i don't bother with the terminology.
I don't use any support, just SR and reading some AVRT. Do i still have issues because of my drinking? Yes, but i'm slowly working on them. I don't feel like i'm abstaining and i'm building a better life for myself.
As long as i know i'm on the right path, i don't bother with the terminology.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: nomad
Posts: 253
Okay but that's not what I was asking, I was wondering if anyone was grieving in the beginning when they quit drinking? Not that you had to quit drinking because you were going to die or go to jail or anything else, but the thought of being sober was the scariest part because there was no beer involved or alcohol in general. I went through this, let's even forget all about the dry drunk label. All I'm wondering is if you grieved or mourned the loss of alcohol in the beginning not that you grieve or more and alcohol now. Does this make any sense to anybody?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
It makes sense. No, I don't feel that I grieved or mourned the loss of alcohol. I have grieved the death of my mother, and this was nothing like that at all. I see it as a bad metaphor.
I have had cravings and urges, however. They become less and less as time goes by. I rarely have strong urges. They are mostly gone.
I have had cravings and urges, however. They become less and less as time goes by. I rarely have strong urges. They are mostly gone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by geno198 
Hello I was just reading about dry drunk syndrome. Has anybody gone through it? Did you morn or start the grieving process not drinking anymore?
After I was able to stop the flow of alcohol into me my head started to come out of the fog alcohol induced. In many ways I still acted and reacted to things like I was still drinking, my sponsor said it was a dry drunks way of handling life in general and I needed to eliminate my reactions by way of repairing the real reasons I drank.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
As Jennie said, yes, i had cravings too. But overall, i didn't missed alcohol, i never saw it as a friend.
Of course it may turn you upside down in the beginning, like any major change you do in life. Especially because alcohol is a depressant and reliefs stress temporarily. You may find yourself without your little "tool" to cope with various situations. Yes, i felt that.
Of course it may turn you upside down in the beginning, like any major change you do in life. Especially because alcohol is a depressant and reliefs stress temporarily. You may find yourself without your little "tool" to cope with various situations. Yes, i felt that.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by geno198
All I'm wondering is if you grieved or mourned the loss of alcohol in the beginning not that you grieve or more and alcohol now. Does this make any sense to anybody?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I think this "dry drunk syndrome" is similar to many other psychological disturbances, when people project their inability to overcome obstacles due to lack of effort, onto external things or circumstances. Blame others for their turmoil and lack of progress. For example, in a dysfunctional relationship, someone would blame the partner while it's them who sabotages solutions. This can happen and does happen in nearly any area of life, I believe. I think if there is anything we "grieve" in these situations, it is control. It is hard to admit that we do not have control over a situation and it would be more productive to stop trying to be "omnipotent". In the context of substance abuse, this is basically the phenomenon of not accepting our powerlessness over our drug of choice. Then we keep trying to still fight for control, and it's endlessly frustrating and disappointing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: nomad
Posts: 253
I must be different, in my case I am sober and I and putting in the effort to stay sober. When I did drink, I liked it, it was the good that lead to the bad. For example I would drink after a hard day, I was a stress drinker, or a good day drinker, there wasn't always bad or always good time to drink. But after the thing in side of me got going, it turned in to bad. When I quit for good in April, I mourned it because I missed it. I did like what it turned me in to but I did love it. Me personally I had to Greave it. It was part of my life for so long that I missed it. I know it's weird but that's how I had to deal with it. I felt like this time and believe me I fell short a bunch, I had to grave it because it wasn't coming back.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
What I went through seemed very much like the stages of grief. I don't know what I was grieving exactly. Maybe the booze or the end of an era in my life. It took me about 6 months to finally get to acceptance. Then I started a new grieving process for the "old me." Isn't dry drunk just an alliterate term for Ahole?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 10
I've always heard the term "dry drunk" used in AA meetings by hardcore AA followers who proclaim that anyone who doesn't follow the 12 steps of their program is a "dry drunk" and could never possibly be on a right path toward life. As an example, I know two people who were married who made a pact to just quit drinking, and they stopped, and haven't drank for 25+ years, but never went to AA, they just did it together on their own, and they would be called "dry drunks".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
I'm not an alcoholic (visit here mainly for Friends and Family, but I'm filled with admiration for you guys) but I had a lot of emotional and psychological problems due to growing up in an alcoholic family. I've spent a lot of time in therapy, and have gone through phases of grieving when, objectively, situations were getting better.
A therapist explained to me that when we give up a destructive behaviour pattern, whatever that might be, we go through a period of grieving. He described it as 'feeling like losing an old friend' - because, of course, it was once a way of coping and feeling safe. My experience was of feeling quite lost and lonely until healthier ways of being really get established.
It was quite a relief to hear this!
A therapist explained to me that when we give up a destructive behaviour pattern, whatever that might be, we go through a period of grieving. He described it as 'feeling like losing an old friend' - because, of course, it was once a way of coping and feeling safe. My experience was of feeling quite lost and lonely until healthier ways of being really get established.
It was quite a relief to hear this!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
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Originally Posted by geno198
Okay but that's not what I was asking, I was wondering if anyone was grieving in the beginning when they quit drinking? Not that you had to quit drinking because you were going to die or go to jail or anything else, but the thought of being sober was the scariest part because there was no beer involved or alcohol in general. I went through this, let's even forget all about the dry drunk label. All I'm wondering is if you grieved or mourned the loss of alcohol in the beginning not that you grieve or more and alcohol now. Does this make any sense to anybody?
Just to show how much of a friend (it really isn't) or how much of a part alcohol can be to us, go here and read people's goodbye letters. It is really like you are saying goodbye to someone who was part of you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/..._________.html
Feel free to write your own letter when you are ready it is really quite freeing in a way.
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
in a word No. I could never grieve for something that brought so much pain into my life and millions of others. I grieve over the the people in my life who are now dead. I will not allow alcohol that much power.
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