Newbie here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 60
Newbie here
So a DUI arrest brought me here, and to the realization that I have a problem. I won't spend my time talking about the arrest, it was a long time coming...
I am not sure what you would call me, but I think the closest thing is a binge drinker. If I drink during the week, it's usually one large bud light or Sapporo after work, or the occasional shot or two of whiskey as a calming tool after work. My biggest problem is drinking in the weekends, usually Friday or Saturday (but not both).
I think I drink (drank) out of loneliness being a single man not in a relationship. I also drank to loosen up since I am quite the rigid type most of the time. I'm almost like a dr. Jeckle mr Hyde type of person. I am mild mannered while sober, but as soon as the demon juice gets in to me I change.
I really started to get worse this year, with episodes of me being loud an obnoxious in bars, getting in to fights, vomiting on myself, hooking up with women I had no business being with, all culminating with my recent legal issue. I think there is a direct relationship with my loneliness and and these activities.
I've decide to completely stop drinking. Well, at least I have tried. I had a work happy hour that I had to attend a coupe of weeks ago, and just drank water. My coworkers asked me what was up and I just said I'm over drinking. I left early, and was happy to be away from that activity. I met up with a friend this past Friday for dinner. He drove to the bar (I took the train) and automatically began ordering drinks. I drank soda. He busted my butt a bit for not drinking, but didn't make too big of a deal about it. We went to a second bar, and I felt compelled to get one beer, that I nursed for 3 hours.
I've never finished a 750l bottle in less than a week, nor have I ever drank more than 4 beers at home alone. However, I have drunk way too much at one sitting in bars. I have also become more of a mean drunk, which in don't like. I am not sure if I am a good candidate for AA, but I do think I need to talk to someone about my issues. I had a bar in apartment that I threw out, and I discarded all alcohol I had in my apartment, including all my shot glasses. I don't want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore. My father gave up smoking cold turkey at the ripe old age of 41, and gave up alcohol 20 years later. I am 34 now and want to rid my life of this vice.
I am not sure what you would call me, but I think the closest thing is a binge drinker. If I drink during the week, it's usually one large bud light or Sapporo after work, or the occasional shot or two of whiskey as a calming tool after work. My biggest problem is drinking in the weekends, usually Friday or Saturday (but not both).
I think I drink (drank) out of loneliness being a single man not in a relationship. I also drank to loosen up since I am quite the rigid type most of the time. I'm almost like a dr. Jeckle mr Hyde type of person. I am mild mannered while sober, but as soon as the demon juice gets in to me I change.
I really started to get worse this year, with episodes of me being loud an obnoxious in bars, getting in to fights, vomiting on myself, hooking up with women I had no business being with, all culminating with my recent legal issue. I think there is a direct relationship with my loneliness and and these activities.
I've decide to completely stop drinking. Well, at least I have tried. I had a work happy hour that I had to attend a coupe of weeks ago, and just drank water. My coworkers asked me what was up and I just said I'm over drinking. I left early, and was happy to be away from that activity. I met up with a friend this past Friday for dinner. He drove to the bar (I took the train) and automatically began ordering drinks. I drank soda. He busted my butt a bit for not drinking, but didn't make too big of a deal about it. We went to a second bar, and I felt compelled to get one beer, that I nursed for 3 hours.
I've never finished a 750l bottle in less than a week, nor have I ever drank more than 4 beers at home alone. However, I have drunk way too much at one sitting in bars. I have also become more of a mean drunk, which in don't like. I am not sure if I am a good candidate for AA, but I do think I need to talk to someone about my issues. I had a bar in apartment that I threw out, and I discarded all alcohol I had in my apartment, including all my shot glasses. I don't want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore. My father gave up smoking cold turkey at the ripe old age of 41, and gave up alcohol 20 years later. I am 34 now and want to rid my life of this vice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi jtf7 
If alcohol is causing you concern or problems in your life then you've found the right place - welcome aboard.
(For what it's worth I think you'd be welcome at AA too - there's no drinking 'scorecards' required...)
D
If alcohol is causing you concern or problems in your life then you've found the right place - welcome aboard.
(For what it's worth I think you'd be welcome at AA too - there's no drinking 'scorecards' required...
)D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome Jtf7!
SoberRecovery and AA meetings have kept me sober!
Keep a record of the meetings you attend---the secretary will usually sign your card--because this will show the judge that you are committed to sobriety.
SoberRecovery and AA meetings have kept me sober!
Keep a record of the meetings you attend---the secretary will usually sign your card--because this will show the judge that you are committed to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Jtf, and welcome!
It appears that you are pretty perceptive about yourself and that's a very good sign indeed. The first thing I would advise against right off the bat is comparing yourself to what other people think of as alcoholics or people who "have a problem" based on how much you drink/when you drink/where you drink versus what they do. That kept me out of recovery until I had already gone a lot further down a bad road because I thought because I wasn't drinking the same way, I must not be the same as them; i.e. have a problem. Many call this a case of the "yets" (as in those things haven't happened, yet) but not all people with a drinking problem drink the same way. Obviously.
The Jekyll and Hyde personality is pretty common with a lot of us, too. Sometimes we use alcohol to get the nerve to interact socially when we're naturally not inclined to do so and it can be a quick slide into some other, less desirable, features coming out as well. I had that in spades by the end of my drinking career (I'm a year and a half sober) and it got to a point where people were clearly NOT inviting me to things or trying to monitor my alcohol intake when I was in public because I was completely untrustworthy and unstable when drunk. If that's not humiliating, I'm not sure what is
As far as friends, you just have to be strong. People who are pressuring you to drink are normally doing so because they are insecure about their own drinking as well. At least I have found this to be the case. Most (well, basically ALL) of my relationships in the end were based on drinking so it was hard to find friends who wouldn't pressure me and I thought this was normal. But what I realized when I took a break from those "friends" is that most people don't really care whether you drink or not. Everyone on here is going to tell you that you are going to have to be willing to make some pretty big life changes that go along with quitting drinking, and this is pretty much accurate. The first (and most difficult) are usually some of your friends.
Anyway, I really applaud that you're clear-sighted enough to recognize this and do something about it now. Trust me, it is worth it and no matter how shy or straight-laced or lonely you think you are, there is absolutely nothing that alcohol can not make dramatically worse. Fast.
That's the great irony of alcoholism. In the end, you wind up about 100xs more lonely and isolated than you ever were to begin with.
Plus, in my experience, when I got into relationships because I was lonely and expecting the other person to fill some "missing piece" of me? I drank more and got even more lonely and destructive.
Quit while you're ahead. This is one choice I promise you that you will not regret. The rest will fall into place. But you have to be sober to see it coming.
It appears that you are pretty perceptive about yourself and that's a very good sign indeed. The first thing I would advise against right off the bat is comparing yourself to what other people think of as alcoholics or people who "have a problem" based on how much you drink/when you drink/where you drink versus what they do. That kept me out of recovery until I had already gone a lot further down a bad road because I thought because I wasn't drinking the same way, I must not be the same as them; i.e. have a problem. Many call this a case of the "yets" (as in those things haven't happened, yet) but not all people with a drinking problem drink the same way. Obviously.
The Jekyll and Hyde personality is pretty common with a lot of us, too. Sometimes we use alcohol to get the nerve to interact socially when we're naturally not inclined to do so and it can be a quick slide into some other, less desirable, features coming out as well. I had that in spades by the end of my drinking career (I'm a year and a half sober) and it got to a point where people were clearly NOT inviting me to things or trying to monitor my alcohol intake when I was in public because I was completely untrustworthy and unstable when drunk. If that's not humiliating, I'm not sure what is
As far as friends, you just have to be strong. People who are pressuring you to drink are normally doing so because they are insecure about their own drinking as well. At least I have found this to be the case. Most (well, basically ALL) of my relationships in the end were based on drinking so it was hard to find friends who wouldn't pressure me and I thought this was normal. But what I realized when I took a break from those "friends" is that most people don't really care whether you drink or not. Everyone on here is going to tell you that you are going to have to be willing to make some pretty big life changes that go along with quitting drinking, and this is pretty much accurate. The first (and most difficult) are usually some of your friends.
Anyway, I really applaud that you're clear-sighted enough to recognize this and do something about it now. Trust me, it is worth it and no matter how shy or straight-laced or lonely you think you are, there is absolutely nothing that alcohol can not make dramatically worse. Fast.
That's the great irony of alcoholism. In the end, you wind up about 100xs more lonely and isolated than you ever were to begin with.
Plus, in my experience, when I got into relationships because I was lonely and expecting the other person to fill some "missing piece" of me? I drank more and got even more lonely and destructive.
Quit while you're ahead. This is one choice I promise you that you will not regret. The rest will fall into place. But you have to be sober to see it coming
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 60
I also have a deep sense of shame and fear. I have a sibling who suffers from a disability that I will be responsible for once my parents pass. I hate that my problem not only jeopardized my freedom, the safety of others, but most importantly, the welfare of my sibling if I was not around to support him.
It's like the realities of life are finally starting to hit me.
It's like the realities of life are finally starting to hit me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 60
What does sober mean? I've had one 12 0z beer in three weeks. I didn't even want to drink that beer (last Friday) but did for social reasons and milked it for three hours as my friends had their fill of drinks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
You're doing good, seeing it for what it is. I really respect your attitude about your sibling, you sound like a good guy. I always think of where drunk/stoned me would be right now, when we quit it's like we take a different path than our old self. Listen to YOUR gut/heart, not peer, and social pressure. Good luck buddy!
-Ted
-Ted
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