How do you forget
 

How do you forget the past when it hurts so bad? When it literally aches in your heart, how do you let it all go and move forward? Needing tips here because if I don't manage to move forward im goona be stuck in the cycle of drinking!


Sober today tho :)

for me i have to get up in the morning and start my day off just trying to so somthing like cleaning up, i soon get out of my head when i am busy

i have to make real hard efforts when that pain kicks in i am lucky i am in aa as the meetings there give me peace from my head for a while if i am in pain,
whilst at the meetings i hope i can find a new comer as nothing helps me better than a new comer in aa

all day long i have to carry pain along with me and only time will let if hurt less

if i choose to sit alone in my home and do nothing but sit and think about the pain then i might as well drink
but if i dont want to drink and face the pain i am in then i have to do things as it will not go on it own
there is no magic nothing will come and remove the pain
its down to me to do something and helping others is just one way i have found helps me when i am in so much pain i dont want to carry on

so make a list of all the jobs you can do and get on with it, see how someone else is feeling today ? you might be able to cheer each other up if there having a bad day as well : )

“if i choose to sit alone in my home and do nothing but sit and think about the pain then i might as well drink
but if i dont want to drink and face the pain i am in then i have to do things as it will not go on it own
there is no magic nothing will come and remove the pain
its down to me to do something and helping others is just one way i have found helps me when i am in so much pain i dont want to carry on.
so make a list of all the jobs you can do and get on with it, see how someone else is feeling today ? you might be able to cheer each other up if there having a bad day as well.”


Excellent points. I’ll add that even though I’m not religious I ask repeatedly for help from my Higher Power.
It will work if we work it as shown by many who ask.

BE WELL

The only way I have found I can forget the pain of my past is to do my drugs and drink myself to oblivion.

The only way I have found I can deal with the pain of my past is by accepting the fact that it has happened and I want to do better and make sure it never ever happens again.
If I sit in my head day in and day out, I am done for. So I never allow my mind to have a dull moment when I first get sober. If I am sitting in a quiet room I turn the tv on and my music from the computer or my ipod. I draw even if it's a stupid stick figure. I try new hobbies or find a marathon of shows to watch.
I cannot put my mind on standby. If that means reading until I pass out then that's what I have to do.

For so long now, I have taught my mind the only way to forget is to get high and drunk. I made sure I did not feel.
I am having to re teach it everything, and feel the pain of the past.
I was told when a painful thought comes up- let it. Feel all of it. Let your heart hurt, let yourself cry, let it alllll come out. It will pass and you will make it through alive and feel better once it passes. No matter what the mistake was, or if someone else wronged you.. If you feel it now t won't hurt so bad later.

Us alcoholics and addicts HATE feeling. Yet sober, all we do is feel and we want to shut it down. Well we can't anymore. The more I fill that feeling will booze and drugs the worse it will hurt later down the road when I get sober again.

I've also learned talking about it, no matter how embarrassing helped me a lot too. If I confided in someone I didn't have to take the pain on alone. That person shared it with me, so I didn't feel so alone with hurt and helplessness.

Chille.

It's good that you're reaching out for help. Starting out the day with a nice breakfast and then doing a few small chores usually works. Then, taking a short walk around the neighborhood is really good for clearing the mind. I would also buy a notebook and start writing out a bunch of the stuff that you're thinking. It serves as some sort of catharsis. Then, call someone. I hope that that helps. Good luck!

You want to get out of your head then get out of the house. Make new memories. Do positive and good things.

I keep my memories as motivation. I think the most motivating ones are those of waking up after blackouts.

I don't dwell on my past, but I don't close
the door on it because I can learn from it.

I stay within the day and make sure that
I do whatever I need to do to not pick up
a drink of alcohol/controlled substance that
would and could kill me or destroy me.

I listened, learned, absorbed and applied
many useful recovery tools to incorporate
in my everyday affairs/life for many one
days at a time to get me where I am today.

Healthy......Happy.....Honest

You never forget it, but learn from it and use it as a motivator to never drink again. Especially in early sobriety it's very hard, but each day simply ask yourself this: Should I take a step forward today and do something to advance my sobriety, or should I worry about something I can never change?

I can't stay in the past, it is too painful. Just take it one day at a time. Each day gets better. I'm in a very confused place right now and I'm OK with that because at least I'm not drunk. The answers will come. Cry if you need to cry, but get it out and move forward. Life is short and we cannot "go back" and change anything. You have made the choice to move forward to a better place. Great decision. You can do this.

OK, please feel free to disregard everything I am about to write, just throwing this out there :)

Lots of good advice, you are looking for a to do list for getting through the day. How to deal with this right now.

(I will repeat some of the advice, as it seems very good to me, for me...perhaps you as well)

If it hurts so bad to think about it, don't think yet. How do you not dwell? Keep busy, with anything. Make a checklist of things you are going to do today. Right now. Not necessarily great things you are going to accomplish, just "things I am going to do while awake today" list. Including if I may borrow, watching TV from 10-12, eating lunch (pick something to eat now and write it down), a short walk around the neighborhood, stopping on that walk to draw one thing (even if it is terrible and takes 5 minutes), stopping at the library and looking at the (whatever) section of books, grabbing a coffee (read the paper while drinking your coffee), walking back home, researching a topic online for 30 minutes (like.......i dunno, look up zoos and make a list of ten zoos you'd like to, recommend someone to visit), eating dinner, is there a desert?, what is on TV tonight?, bedtime ritual? and have checkboxes for all, and make big checks when each is completed. Wunderlist is a great free list making app for your phone. Easy to make lists and check things off.

Anyway, please ignore if this is just silly :)

. . . and this thread is why I love SR. There is just so much wisdom, encouragement and support on here. I really can't add too much to this advice bc these are all the things I do, too. So, I'll just say DITTO!

Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement I appreciate each and every one of you :)

Chilledice, like you, I had a terrible time moving away from the shame and guilt. It plagued me for a long time. Finally, I began journaling. When I felt miserable, I just wrote and wrote and it helped so much to get it all out. It was a cathartic experience.

Well I personally believe it has now come down to dealing with the pain without the bottle or die! I can actually feel my body complaining!

For me realising I couldn't change the past, but I can change the future with action gave a certain sense of relief, we don't have to go back to our past and relive all of those memories, instead we can live in a happier place by focusing on our Sobriety!! :)

Yes, all of this ^^. As far as the shame goes, and living with your thoughts and emotions, it does settle down after a while. There will be a day when you wake up and do not feel that clench in your belly first thing or that sudden drumbeat of your heart when you remember. I think you can come to this place through various angles and techniques and some good ones have been suggested here already. For me, I had to let myself feel those damn feelings all the way through. Not dwell in them, mind you, but let myself feel them. With support. With friends around. Not alone. Definitely not alone at first. For me, the more I did this, the less hold they had on me. Yes, they still pinch sometimes, but a lot, LOT, less than before. And I realize which thoughts that I have that are connected to what feelings and I am learning to stop thinking thoughts that me feel like sh*t.

But it will fade, it will go away, it will get less and less with time. Unless, of course, you pour fuel back on the fire. Don't do that ;)

Is there anybody you can forgive?

My ex-husband took my kids to Sweden when they were 3 and 5 years and it took 3.5 years and every penny I had to get them back. I never thought I would. I cried almost every day. He did it just to be mean and spiteful and left them with babysitters and nannies. They were always the last to be picked up for aftercare. Their Swedish teachers told me so. They wanted me to get the kids but my ex tied me up in court battle after court battle.

I can't think of a person I hated more except maybe my father. I married a controlling jerk like my dad is. Sorry, it's true.

Well, I can't and won't tell the entire story of the custody case, it would take too long.

I have the kids now and they see their dad every other weekend.

Recently, he had some bad luck. He was in a really bad state. It was affecting the kids.

So I found him a better place to live, lent him security and rent money. Bought furniture. He'll pay us when he is able. He is an electrical engineer and earns a good salary but child support was killing him because he had a period of unemployment last year and a little this year.

Then, one week after moving into his new place, he lost his job. This lead to more loans. Now he has a job and is getting it together.

But I never thought I would ever find myself helping him after he took 3.5 years away from me.

It has been massively healing.

With my dad I would have to send him a letter and then rip up anything he wrote back, if he wrote back, because he is toxic and would just use words to hurt me. I will never have a relationship with him but I have thought about forgiving him but it would need to be in a one-sided way. Sorry if that sounds like not forgiving but I don't want him in my life. He only enjoys being mean and cruel.

So I don't know your personal demons but I just wanted to throw that out there.

SoberJuly - that is a powerful share. You really have it going on!

Chilledice - forgetting I am not sure will be beneficial. I forgot or repressed memories for most of my life. Then an overdose triggered them again and I started to loose my mind. I have found peace by accepting, processing, forgiving and realizing I am not defined by what has happened to me they are part of me but not all of me. I had to forgive myself to start and then was able with much work and remaining sober to begin the rest of the work.

The past is the past. I use it to live in the present and try not to dwell or pay too much attention to things I cannot change. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I am not religious but I say this daily, as it seems to fit in my own personal truth.

Good luck and be well.

No tips or tricks here. I'm not a list-maker, and if I were to make a list of "Things-To-Do," they'd likely never get done.

The only thing that works for me is to build a better, sober life. And if that doesn't distract you, perhaps nothing else will. You've got nothing to lose but your old way of being.