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The dreaded relapse - HELP

Old 08-03-2014, 02:54 AM
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The dreaded relapse - HELP

I really wish i didn't have to write a post about relapse. It happened 2 weekends ago after 4 great months being sober, by far the longest I've ever managed. I drank heavily for 1 evening. Haven't drank since but my confidence and that strong feeling of hope has taken a huge hit.

So what happened? I've been trying to figure it out since. Initially I had a long list of things that 'led' me to drink again....my ex wife, pressure at work, the stress of being constantly short of money etc etc. I even blamed the weather for being too good! In the end the sad fact is I drank because I wanted to drink. Dammit

Attended a lot of meetings since and things are slowly starting to settle. Was given a really tough time at the aftercare group last week - one of the therapists was particularly frank, he told me that I am in total free fall and guaranteed to drink again unless I start working the programme much harder than I had been. It was embarrassing and painful to listen to but he is 100% right.

I REALLY don’t want to go back to how things were and want to regain some of that confidence I had before the relapse - frightened that if it happened once it could happen again.

I would love to hear from anyone who has come through relapse and managed to get back on track
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Old 08-03-2014, 02:58 AM
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The main thing is you made it BACK! Many folks don't sadly, it was a slip, a mistake, a mistake you can and I am sure will certainly learn from

Day by day ok
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:04 AM
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you did fantastic getting right back to being sober. I quit many times, but never made it 4 days, much less 4 months prior to quitting for good. Sounds like you are truly ready. Just put it behind you, take away what you learned from it and forgive yourself.
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:10 AM
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Hello Mac1, first, i'm happy for you! You slipped and managed to get back as soon as possible!
I'm almost 4 1/2 months, and sometimes the pressure almost took me to the bottle, but the fear stopped me. The fear that the slip will become a relapse and the relapse will turn into full blown drinking every day again.
Because i know how strong one must be to slip, stop, learn from it and continue the journey. I don't think i would be able to do it.
Congratulations again, unfortunately i don't have any advice to give, but for me it took more than 2 weeks to feel good and believe in my sobritey.
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:39 AM
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4 months is great and one night does not erase that. I'm trying again and I'm super determined this time. I have to believe that and have hope. You sound determined. Don't beat yourself up. You'll continue on stronger than ever.
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:40 AM
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Thanks everyone for the really positive replies

Weiresttoner - hang on to that fear of relapse. Although I've managed to stay sober for 2 weeks the demons are so much closer now. Last night was white knuckle time and I just had to stop everything and take time out to really concentrate on why I want to be sober. Wish I could turn the clock back but I can't...so its time to give this my all and work harder more than ever.
I can't beat alcohol, the addiction will always be there but I can give it a good bashing along the way
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:47 AM
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My original sober date was April 4. So I have drinken 3 days in the last 120 going which is progress considering I used to be an everyday drinker.

I did the same thing a few weeks ago. July 4 nice weather, BBQ. party, stress release, ect... Called it what ever you want. Its came and went. Been back on the horse and about to hit 1 month again. The hangover and making an jerk out out of myself was a great reminder for me to stay sober.

Glad you came back. We were built around alcohol and change is hard. But you acknowledged and its in the past. Thanks for your post. I know many an relate and find it inspiring.
Here is a great quote to remember
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"
George Santayana

I wish you the best in your journey.
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:50 AM
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Hey Mac.

Good on you for initially getting sober for 4 months.
That is quite an accomplishment.

Now, that you are sober again, be patient and loving to yourself.
The counselor at rehab doesn't have the right to speak to you in that way.
Unfortunately, rehab has a huge failure rate.

It seems like rehab and 12 step programs say the same thing,
'If you stay sober, it's because of the program. If you drink, it's
because you failed.' That philosophy is garbage.

Take care of yourself and really watch people in your 12 step meetings
before you reach out for help. What I mean by watch them is,
Listen to how they speak at meetings and observe what
they do outside. Then, you can figure out who to ask.

Be good to yourself. You're worth it. Thanks for sharing
Your experience. Good luck!
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Old 08-03-2014, 05:42 AM
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Plain and simple relapse sucks. The only positive thing I can say about it is the learning experiences I received from it.

It is painful, confusing, and irritating. That hope that I once had is a smashed and my hopelessness rules my life.
I think the only thing I hang onto when I get my first day or two days sober is the hard fact that I want this. I want to be clean and not run my face in the ground. I want a different life.
So what stop us? Our resentments against a the world, or even bigger our resentments towards ourselves.

I figured out quickly this time around that I MUST be patient with myself, or I am done for before I have the opportunity to stay clean. I have to know I am going to do a lot of wrong, yet instead of me just being "wrong or bad" all of the time I have to twist my thinking as to telling myself I need and want to be better. I have an opportunity to do great. Not to prove anyone wrong, but to get to know and learn to love myself.

It is awesome that you are willing to hear others out around you when it's painful. Telling myself positive things and doing my best to change my thinking has helped me tremendously.
When I get irritated or am overwhelmed with this feeling of helplessness I find someone or something that will walk me through that feeling.
The cliche saying "this too shall pass" is very true. I get random cravings, even when I am happy my addict mind says things are going great, a shot won't hurt.
I have done it for so long, it's all I have ever known. So I tell myself a different story, tell someone what my mind is saying and how outrageously ridiculous it is and keep moving forward.

I hang onto the hope that one day, I will have freedom from all of the pain and anger I hold onto. So many people have had this... Why not I????
Also, prayer seems to help through out my day. I used to roll my eyes and slander anything to do with it. Yet it relieves my mind for a moment and I need any relief I can get.
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Old 08-03-2014, 06:06 AM
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Originally Posted by lovefist View Post
Hey Mac.

Good on you for initially getting sober for 4 months.
That is quite an accomplishment.



It seems like rehab and 12 step programs say the same thing,
'If you stay sober, it's because of the program. If you drink, it's
because you failed.' That philosophy is garbage.


Take care of yourself and really watch people in your 12 step meetings
before you reach out for help. What I mean by watch them is,
Listen to how they speak at meetings and observe what
they do outside. Then, you can figure out who to ask.
OMG I wish you much luck in your beliefs. I see a lot of internet words that are just plain BS from people not being informed and “act as if.”
The fact is that the majority of the people who follow the program DO stay sober. The majority who don’t stay sober try doing things their way and don’t get sober, period. An old expression “ If you don’t like or disagree your misery is refundable.”
Most coming to AA don’t make it for various reasons, often fear interferes with clear thinking that millions are sober world wide because they practice the PROGRAM and let go of past beliefs and change their thinking which is not always easy.

BE WELL
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:04 AM
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Hey Mac, change up your plan and it may not happen again, nothing changes if nothing changes!!

You can do this, go at things again!!
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:21 AM
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I used one night at 3 months. It ended badly because my stomach felt like it was on fire the second I started to drink. I made it through 3 drinks and finally dumped it because my brain was screaming more. That made me recommit to the fact that drinking sucked. Had I not gotten sick who knows where that would have lead. You need that mindset that it is never Ok to drink any amount under any circumstances. I had very serious PAWS at 4 months. Those milestones can be prime relapse for some of us. What I learned from that relapse beside drinking sucks was to never let those thoughts get me alone again. If you feel thoughts of using starting to plant themselves speak up and tell someone.
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:28 AM
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"I drank because I wanted to, dammit"

-theres your insight, buddy. its all right there. honesty sets us free. I believe that. good job.
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by IOAA2 View Post
OMG I wish you much luck in your beliefs. I see a lot of internet words that are just plain BS from people not being informed and “act as if.”
The fact is that the majority of the people who follow the program DO stay sober. The majority who don’t stay sober try doing things their way and don’t get sober, period.

Oh, please. Those I see with a lot of time appreciate the gift of sobriety and how they work their program often varies.

Unfortunately, there are some meetings run more with a cult-like vibe than as a fellowship.

How anyone new would find such meetings attractive with the creepy smiles/happy talk is beyond me.
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:54 AM
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My goodness. I was sober for a year as a teenager and I've been relapsing since with varying periods of sobriety. I guess the main thing to remember is why you want to get sober. I can't get sober for anyone else other than myself, because it clearly doesn't stick.

I used to go to an alcohol and drug community which wasn't AA, and they were amazing. But AA fitted into my work schedule better so I ended up there instead! I really recommend keep trying till you find the right fit. It will happen. You'll find a place that just works.
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Old 08-03-2014, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Ken33xx View Post
Oh, please. Those I see with a lot of time appreciate the gift of sobriety and how they work their program often varies.

Unfortunately, there are some meetings run more with a cult-like vibe than as a fellowship.

How anyone new would find such meetings attractive with the creepy smiles/happy talk is beyond me.


Hi. I notice you use the word some, no argument there but where in life is perfection for each of us, especially with a ball park number of 6,000 meetings a day in the US alone.

When people are comforting and secure in their own skin and not dry drunks it’s called sharing and helping others, that’s the way it works. People helping people.
Any alcoholic is invited, name me other places welcome alcoholics?
Police, most families, hospitals, bars and most places except AA don’t want to be in their presence.

BE WELL
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Old 08-03-2014, 10:51 AM
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Mac, It happened to me many times. In my heart I knew what had to be done - and I knew I'd get there. I had to prove to myself that it wasn't possible to enjoy 'a few' ever again.

It sounds like you learned something valuable. Sometimes we need further proof that we must be more vigilant. Glad you are back and continuing the journey.
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Old 08-03-2014, 02:44 PM
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Thank you so much to everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences. There's some great advice and much to think about and work on

So glad that I posted about the relapse - just the very act of of admitting to it seems to have helped in its own right. Its crucial that I go to regular meetings - just got home from one and it went really well. It just helps so much to be around people who have been through a similar experiences.

Time to stop beating myself up and get on with it
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Old 08-03-2014, 02:57 PM
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You will gain the confidence again just keep counting and maybe working at what to do when your under pressure to drink.
John.
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Old 08-03-2014, 03:00 PM
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I'm glad you got right back Mac - that's over half the battle right there
Keep thinking of things you can add now to what you've been doing.

and folks - please lets share our experience on what works, not our opinion of others experience or recovery method.

D
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