Vodka is now my safe place
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Vodka is so far from a safe place
Vodka/gin/rum/wine - take your poison
ALL made my problems MUCH worse - created problems that weren't there - damaged my health (hopefully no permanent damage but who knows)
you can stay on the never-ending hamster wheel that alcoholism is or you can get off
why not just try sobriety for a bit? see and compare your life with 6 months sobriety to how it was
Vodka/gin/rum/wine - take your poison
ALL made my problems MUCH worse - created problems that weren't there - damaged my health (hopefully no permanent damage but who knows)
you can stay on the never-ending hamster wheel that alcoholism is or you can get off
why not just try sobriety for a bit? see and compare your life with 6 months sobriety to how it was
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Alcohol doesn't end the pain, it numbs temporarily the feeling of the pain, if that makes any sense(?).
I am sorry for your lose and the pain of grieving, I wish you solace from the feeling, but numbing the feeling will not wash away the pain, it will only delay it and bring more .
Wish you well
I am sorry for your lose and the pain of grieving, I wish you solace from the feeling, but numbing the feeling will not wash away the pain, it will only delay it and bring more .
Wish you well
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 74
I'm sorry for your loss memastrole. I have been numbing pain for years with drinking. It just doesn't work or make things better. I just had a relapse recently after many months of sobriety. Nothing was fixed by me drinking again. It only made things worse and now I am suffering physically and mentally once again. Please don't drink the vodka. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 11
I cannot fathom the pain that you must feel.
I do, however, understand the lure of something to numb that pain, to soften the edge that cuts so deep. That warm cocoon, so inviting, invites you deeper and deeper. Comfortably numb, you willingly follow. Your brain, designed to handle survival in the wilderness rather than vodka, is inadequately equipped to avoid the alcohol-driven destruction of your life, your family, your friendships, and your dreams.
You know in your head where vodka leads. You know where it will end, as it has for countless others. You have read their stories, heard their stories. You know it in your head, you understand it.
No parent should survive their children. Your situation is extremely painful, and you need all the help you can get. Friends, family, a mental health professional, a priest or other religious representative, this website. All of the above. You need to reach out for help and avoid isolation. You need time - a lot of time. You need to mourn, to cry. A lot. Denial, anger, despair, sorrow. Those are all natural responses to loss, and help you to heal. You need to find a new focus, a reason to live, someone, something. All of the above can help heal you.
Vodka can and will kill you, but only after it has painfully destroyed everything and everyone that meant anything to you.
I urge you to choose instead to live, to shun alcohol and reach out for help. Many people have suffered terrible losses, yet been able over time to heal their wounds and live beautiful lives notwithstanding such losses.
I am very sorry for your loss!
I do, however, understand the lure of something to numb that pain, to soften the edge that cuts so deep. That warm cocoon, so inviting, invites you deeper and deeper. Comfortably numb, you willingly follow. Your brain, designed to handle survival in the wilderness rather than vodka, is inadequately equipped to avoid the alcohol-driven destruction of your life, your family, your friendships, and your dreams.
You know in your head where vodka leads. You know where it will end, as it has for countless others. You have read their stories, heard their stories. You know it in your head, you understand it.
No parent should survive their children. Your situation is extremely painful, and you need all the help you can get. Friends, family, a mental health professional, a priest or other religious representative, this website. All of the above. You need to reach out for help and avoid isolation. You need time - a lot of time. You need to mourn, to cry. A lot. Denial, anger, despair, sorrow. Those are all natural responses to loss, and help you to heal. You need to find a new focus, a reason to live, someone, something. All of the above can help heal you.
Vodka can and will kill you, but only after it has painfully destroyed everything and everyone that meant anything to you.
I urge you to choose instead to live, to shun alcohol and reach out for help. Many people have suffered terrible losses, yet been able over time to heal their wounds and live beautiful lives notwithstanding such losses.
I am very sorry for your loss!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
I've never endured the sort of pain you have - my heart goes out to you - but I've endured enough to know that alcohol did nothing but add to the pain, sadness, and misery. It enhances what you are already feeling. It might seem like a safe place or an escape at times, but it is really only digging the hole you're in even deeper.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 134
I think many of us here drink to numb feelings or pain. I am so very sorry for your loss, I don't have any advice except to say you are not alone, please please reach out to your family or friends, even us here on SR, to help you through this horrible time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I'm very sorry for your loss memastrole.
I hope you will decide to put the vodka down tho. In my experienxe all alcohol does, at best, is push the pain to one side for a little while...but it always comes back...which means more vodka....
the wound stays raw and smarting that way. It's never heals.
The great tragedy of losing someone is horrific. But losing yourself too could make it worse.
There's a ton of support here - and elsewhere. Have you considered counselling at all?
D
I hope you will decide to put the vodka down tho. In my experienxe all alcohol does, at best, is push the pain to one side for a little while...but it always comes back...which means more vodka....
the wound stays raw and smarting that way. It's never heals.
The great tragedy of losing someone is horrific. But losing yourself too could make it worse.
There's a ton of support here - and elsewhere. Have you considered counselling at all?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
Memastrole - so very sorry for your incredible loss and for my earlier misguided response. What I thought I was responding to was something else, not in context. I pray that you find peace and the strength to endure and to help your partner through this tragic time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 77
Vodka was my safe place too (so I thought). Until one day last year I had liver pains so bad I thought I was going to die. That's when I decided to stop and just see how I felt. At first I didn't think I could do it, but after a month w/o it I started to feel so much better physically. I didn't go to bed at night thinking I was going to die anymore. I'm 8 months sober now and good gosh I could kick myself in the ass for waiting this long. If you can stop and let the fog clear you may see a different picture.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 164
Memastrole,
To lose one's own child is a horrific tragedy unlike any other in this world and I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope you are able to find the support you need and a healthy way to mourn this tragedy.
You already know that vodka isn't going to help you mourn, though. And in terms of your grieving process, I imagine it could have a very damaging long-term effect on your psyche.
Wishing healing, support, and peace to you and your family.
To lose one's own child is a horrific tragedy unlike any other in this world and I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope you are able to find the support you need and a healthy way to mourn this tragedy.
You already know that vodka isn't going to help you mourn, though. And in terms of your grieving process, I imagine it could have a very damaging long-term effect on your psyche.
Wishing healing, support, and peace to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Vodka will not help the grieving. ...I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what pain you must feel. But you must feel it-you are not safe with vodka. It is dangerous stuff. A grief counselor could help you get through this. Vodka will make matters worse.
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