Need some ideas for a major trigger situation that I can't avoid
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Need some ideas for a major trigger situation that I can't avoid
I've made it to day 4, and am thrilled. Looking forward to more and more sober days.
A little background. I used to live with the father of my children (we were never married) when we were a couple. He lives in a family home that runs several apartments for tourists visiting our area of Italy. I was put in charge of managing that as we get a lot of foreigners and English is a common language. It has been a good little job for me, one that I think I will be way more successful at now that I am not drunk all the time.
The thing is, I have to be at this house every Saturday for check-out, check-in. I am here all day long cleaning, waiting for the new guests to arrive, collecting money, etc.
This house was a place that I suffered a lot of emotional turmoil and I dare say emotional abuse. It is where my alcoholism really took hold. My therapist says she thinks I am suffering from PTSD and that certain things about the place are very emotional for me. I am having a hard time today avoiding thoughts of drinking. Starting from the moment I arrived early this morning I wanted to drink, but thankfully I set in to helping clean and that kept me busy. I am now done with all that and just have to wait until the new guests arrive. There is tons of readily available alcohol in the house, including an open bottle of wine. I am fighting it, but it is really tough as this is a place that I remained constantly drunk to numb my emotions.
I HAVE to be here. I cannot leave this work- I have nothing else to support myself and believe me, for years and years I have tired to find something else but the economic crisis here is astonishing.
Any ideas on how to do this. Right now I am sitting outside the house, away from the alcohol and many of the memories. But I need a strong plan and am having trouble.
A little background. I used to live with the father of my children (we were never married) when we were a couple. He lives in a family home that runs several apartments for tourists visiting our area of Italy. I was put in charge of managing that as we get a lot of foreigners and English is a common language. It has been a good little job for me, one that I think I will be way more successful at now that I am not drunk all the time.
The thing is, I have to be at this house every Saturday for check-out, check-in. I am here all day long cleaning, waiting for the new guests to arrive, collecting money, etc.
This house was a place that I suffered a lot of emotional turmoil and I dare say emotional abuse. It is where my alcoholism really took hold. My therapist says she thinks I am suffering from PTSD and that certain things about the place are very emotional for me. I am having a hard time today avoiding thoughts of drinking. Starting from the moment I arrived early this morning I wanted to drink, but thankfully I set in to helping clean and that kept me busy. I am now done with all that and just have to wait until the new guests arrive. There is tons of readily available alcohol in the house, including an open bottle of wine. I am fighting it, but it is really tough as this is a place that I remained constantly drunk to numb my emotions.
I HAVE to be here. I cannot leave this work- I have nothing else to support myself and believe me, for years and years I have tired to find something else but the economic crisis here is astonishing.
Any ideas on how to do this. Right now I am sitting outside the house, away from the alcohol and many of the memories. But I need a strong plan and am having trouble.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I understand.There are many situations where people say they HAVE to go to them-events parties etc-I'm always one of the first to say you don't HAVE to do anything on such threads 
However, work is different and in the current economic climate I understand it's just not that easy to just quit work when you have a family to support.
The best option is to learn to manage the situation you are in. I think it's great that you have recognized this as a trigger and have come here first. I would suggest you come to SR as and when you need to throughout the working day. Urge surfing also worked for me in real time when the cravings hit.
Urge Surfing – Relapse Prevention – Mindfulness
What is Urge Surfing? | Urge Surf
However, work is different and in the current economic climate I understand it's just not that easy to just quit work when you have a family to support. The best option is to learn to manage the situation you are in. I think it's great that you have recognized this as a trigger and have come here first. I would suggest you come to SR as and when you need to throughout the working day. Urge surfing also worked for me in real time when the cravings hit.
Urge Surfing – Relapse Prevention – Mindfulness
What is Urge Surfing? | Urge Surf
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I found urge surfing useful
I will also say - for 5 years, day in day out, I drank within the four walls of my apartment.
For seven months after I got sober I lived in the same apartment. I might still be there had it not been sold and torn down.
My point is - it may be the same old place, with all the memories, but I was not the same person. I made a commitment to being sober.
Just because I always drank because of X need not be a valid excuse for drinking now. The rules have changed
It may not be comfortable or pleasant for a while, but if you have to be there, you can do your work and deal with what ever feelings arise, without alcohol.
Use whatever support you have here and elsewhere, It will get easier in time.
You can do this
D
I will also say - for 5 years, day in day out, I drank within the four walls of my apartment.
For seven months after I got sober I lived in the same apartment. I might still be there had it not been sold and torn down.
My point is - it may be the same old place, with all the memories, but I was not the same person. I made a commitment to being sober.
Just because I always drank because of X need not be a valid excuse for drinking now. The rules have changed
It may not be comfortable or pleasant for a while, but if you have to be there, you can do your work and deal with what ever feelings arise, without alcohol.
Use whatever support you have here and elsewhere, It will get easier in time.
You can do this
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
oooohhhhhkaaaayyyy phew. The major urge has passed. I had some lunch and will now go sit by the pool. I really hope these folks show up soon though, I want to get out of here, I don't feel safe and secure here like I do in my own house.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 306
You are already implementing a plan without really knowing it.........you are sitting outside! Whatever you need to do to manage the situation....DO IT. If that means you finish the work, then sit outside waiting for guests to arrive, cool! Whatever it takes to not drink......nothing is too extreme, IMO.
It is also helpful that you are already working with a therapist. That will be tremendously helpful as it helps us figure out our thoughts and emotions.........understanding why we drank so we can move into the future SOBER.
Urge surfing is helpful.......I did it for a long while before I knew there was a name for it. Read up on it, it is a great tool for managing the cravings AND emotions that sometimes come out of nowhere.
I won't sugar coat it: the first couple months are HARD. But I truly believe if you can make it through them you will find every day it gets a little easier. That has been the case for me anyway.
You seem a very thoughtful and intelligent lady who knows quite well the seriousness of the situation. You CAN do this!
Keep posting. SR helped me tremendously during the first month.
It is also helpful that you are already working with a therapist. That will be tremendously helpful as it helps us figure out our thoughts and emotions.........understanding why we drank so we can move into the future SOBER.
Urge surfing is helpful.......I did it for a long while before I knew there was a name for it. Read up on it, it is a great tool for managing the cravings AND emotions that sometimes come out of nowhere.
I won't sugar coat it: the first couple months are HARD. But I truly believe if you can make it through them you will find every day it gets a little easier. That has been the case for me anyway.
You seem a very thoughtful and intelligent lady who knows quite well the seriousness of the situation. You CAN do this!
Keep posting. SR helped me tremendously during the first month.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
That's good news Meraviglioso!
As newly sober, I steep myself in various available information - as do many others. One of the things I have run across that seems to get over MENTAL URGES(as I do not have any physical cravings) is avoid three triggers. Loneliness(call someone, talk to anyone or get on SR!)Tired or hungry.
Thus far, when I have a mental craving I reflect on which one of these issue I need to address NOW! Tired or hungry is pretty easy to fix - nap/food - snack. Loneliness is probably the toughest for me. But, whatever it takes I strive to reach out to someone. Even if only for 5-10 minutes.
SR fills that void - even if I am simply posting - as YOU did!
Good Choice, and stay sober!!
As newly sober, I steep myself in various available information - as do many others. One of the things I have run across that seems to get over MENTAL URGES(as I do not have any physical cravings) is avoid three triggers. Loneliness(call someone, talk to anyone or get on SR!)Tired or hungry.
Thus far, when I have a mental craving I reflect on which one of these issue I need to address NOW! Tired or hungry is pretty easy to fix - nap/food - snack. Loneliness is probably the toughest for me. But, whatever it takes I strive to reach out to someone. Even if only for 5-10 minutes.
SR fills that void - even if I am simply posting - as YOU did!
Good Choice, and stay sober!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
+1 on "the rules have changed"
A lot of this is about changing rules, when you get down to it. You governed your life with one rule- and value-set as a drinker. The "sober" you calls plays from a different playbook. What made sense under the old ways has no foothold in the new system.
It takes time to adjust to a new set of rules - to settle to equilibrium once more. That can be uncomfortable; change feels weird - you're outside the comfort zone. (life is a lot more rewarding if you're breaking out of the comfort zone once in awhile, though!)
Recognizing trigger situations is important early in sobriety because you don't want to rock the precariously balanced boat, but we're intelligent and self-aware beings, not animals. We can override our programming on a conscious level, and disregard or outright shatter what was previously a "trigger". And in the long run, that's another part of the process.
If you gotta be there, you gotta be there. It can either go badly or go well. Make the right choice.
Good luck
A lot of this is about changing rules, when you get down to it. You governed your life with one rule- and value-set as a drinker. The "sober" you calls plays from a different playbook. What made sense under the old ways has no foothold in the new system.
It takes time to adjust to a new set of rules - to settle to equilibrium once more. That can be uncomfortable; change feels weird - you're outside the comfort zone. (life is a lot more rewarding if you're breaking out of the comfort zone once in awhile, though!)
Recognizing trigger situations is important early in sobriety because you don't want to rock the precariously balanced boat, but we're intelligent and self-aware beings, not animals. We can override our programming on a conscious level, and disregard or outright shatter what was previously a "trigger". And in the long run, that's another part of the process.
If you gotta be there, you gotta be there. It can either go badly or go well. Make the right choice.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The thoughts of drinking are simply that "thoughts", you don't need to act on them, there is no inevitable conclusion as to how the story will pan out, no one will force you to drink if you don't want to!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
I hope you got through the day.
It might be possible for you to begin to attach new memories to the house. You said that the job is good and you will likely be much more successful at it now that you're sober. So, maybe you can look at the house as your opportunity to take care of yourself financially and to be able to work in a place where you are proud of the job you're doing.
It might be possible for you to begin to attach new memories to the house. You said that the job is good and you will likely be much more successful at it now that you're sober. So, maybe you can look at the house as your opportunity to take care of yourself financially and to be able to work in a place where you are proud of the job you're doing.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
What Dee and Anna said.
Since you need to be there every Saturday, this presents you with an opportunity to experience your progress and replace old memories with newer ones with each passing week.
One of the most formidable obstacles for people who suffer with anxiety is finding the willingness to face or walk through our fears...panic disorder, social anxiety, and phobias of all kinds. Without this crucial element, we remain trapped in a very narrow and very stifling universe, one that many people come to embrace, even at the cost of leading a life unlived. The more we avoid that which we fear, the more powerful those things are to us. An alternative is to accept our fears as they are and work around them in healthy ways, ways that suit our being.
I don't always or even often recommend that someone who suffers with PTSD return to the place where the trauma originally occurred (although this is sometimes the treatment of choice), but rather than reliving your fears, it may be healthy for you to approach the scene of the crime with your newer, more sober perspective on things, as difficult as I'm sure that seems. Again, I'm suggesting this since your livelihood depends on your being there. And, as you did today, you can reach out on SR or to someone you trust when things aren't going well.
Since you need to be there every Saturday, this presents you with an opportunity to experience your progress and replace old memories with newer ones with each passing week.
One of the most formidable obstacles for people who suffer with anxiety is finding the willingness to face or walk through our fears...panic disorder, social anxiety, and phobias of all kinds. Without this crucial element, we remain trapped in a very narrow and very stifling universe, one that many people come to embrace, even at the cost of leading a life unlived. The more we avoid that which we fear, the more powerful those things are to us. An alternative is to accept our fears as they are and work around them in healthy ways, ways that suit our being.
I don't always or even often recommend that someone who suffers with PTSD return to the place where the trauma originally occurred (although this is sometimes the treatment of choice), but rather than reliving your fears, it may be healthy for you to approach the scene of the crime with your newer, more sober perspective on things, as difficult as I'm sure that seems. Again, I'm suggesting this since your livelihood depends on your being there. And, as you did today, you can reach out on SR or to someone you trust when things aren't going well.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
I go daily to the same place where I did most of my drinking. I don't know if it would be easier for me to stay sober if I didn't have to go there -- the fact is, I have to go there, so I do. And I don't drink there, or anywhere else. Carry around candy in your pocket while you're cleaning. Start learning the guitar during your downtime. You can't change the place but you can add on new associations to the place, and then eventually when you think about the place there will be thoughts of pride and success over the trauma of before. I wish you the best!
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