stf2012

I suffered from terrible, debilitating anxiety for weeks. Zoloft prescription was slowly beginning to help, but I couldn't take the mornings. I couldn't get out of bed. One morning I drank a glass of vodka (maybe half a can of beers worth, so 6oz?)

Within moments I could feel the cold icy burn running down my throat and stomach and within a few minutes I felt such tremendous relief and could finally begin my day.

For three weeks this habit continued, getting worse and worse every day. Even on weekends, when I would visit my parents in the country (I live in nyc), I would wake up early and take a giant swig from the vodka bottle in the freezer. Eventually I would bring my own booze cause I think they were catching on.

A couple of people at work noticed but are friends so they said nothing.

One night I poured all my alcohol down the sink and woke up trembling and a wreck. I found two beers in the bottom of the fridge I had missed and chugged them down. It helped, but not nearly as much as half a pint of vodka.

Since then I have been drinking a half bottle of wine in the mornings to cope. I lay in bed drinking swig after swig, waiting for the buzz to kick in and find the motivation to get up. Friends tell me switching types of alcohol doesn't make it better, but I do feel less wrecked at work by noon time when the hangover starts kicking in.

I feel that drinking less at night (usually a six pack and a half to full bottle of white wine) leaves me in much better shape, but is still always find myself convincing myself that one small glass won't hurt. Of course, that turns into the half bottle

I've gone to a couple of AA meetings but felt uncomfortable there. Maybe I have to force myself to go again and keep going.

In the meantime, I don't know what to do.

Gilmer

Tell your doctor the whole truth. Sounds like Zoloft isn't working for you--and you are endangering your health by combining it with alcohol. You need to stop drinking. Drinking is horrible. Please stop while you still can. Come clean with your doctor--he or she will help you come off of it in the best way, and will manage the Zoloft situation.

Dee74

welcome to SR stf2012

I think a lot of us fell into the anxiety trap - a little alcohol made us feel better...soon it became an imperative.

By the end, my drinking was exacerbating my anxiety.

It was tough to quit, but things did get better after a little while.

Support really helps and you'll find that here.

I think you'd find it at AA too - maybe give it another go - try a different meeting?

If the discomfort persists but you feel you need that face to face support, there are other meeting based recovery groups too

D

Wastinglife

I can totally relate. As my drinking increased over the years, I found that the hangovers were getting harder and harder to deal with because of the anxiety. I would wake up and think my world was collapsing. I went on anti-depressants but continued to drink. AD meds do not work for heavy drinkers. I would get through the morning at work but at lunch I was sneaking off to a pub for 2 or 3 pints to get some relief from the withdrawal and anxiety.

I can say with certainty that your anxiety is made ten times worse by the alcohol and the Zoloft is likely not doing what it should. When I quit drinking, my anxiety improved drastically.

courage2

I drank -- thought I had to -- every morning to face the world, face the day, wouldn't turn on my computer, start my compute, or pick up phone messages without a couple of belts.

It progressed until I was drinking all day long, every day. I was sick & sick at heart.

You don't have to live that way. I stopped and so can you. Mornings are still hard for me but I do them sober and at the end of the day I know what I've done and who I've been with.

Coldfusion

As a depressant, alcohol counteracts Zoloft. As a solvent, alcohol washes useful medications out of your body. The positive effects of Zoloft are largely eliminated by alcohol.

Raider

STF, heartbreaking post. Seriously go see a doctor. Really. You're going to die like that. Praying for you.

ScottFromWI

Welcome STF2012. I understand NEEDING to drink too, my drinking went over that line at some point and it became strictly a burden. I also had anxiety and turns out it was also pretty much exclusively caused by drinking.

The solution of course is to stop. It is not pleasant initially, and at the extreme levels you have been drinking it can be downright dangerous, even life threatening in rare cases. You should consult with a doctor, and don't be surprised if they recommend detox. Even detox can be a blessing in a way.

You can do it if you want to, and it's worth the initial hardships many times over.

least

Go to your doctor and be honest about your drinking. Ask them for medical help to get detoxed safely. Then begin a peaceful sober life. It's worth the effort.

Tonymblue

I was in that bad cycle as well. It progressed to 3 or 4 shots in the morning just to stop the dry heaves. Then at work. it was shooter bottles of vodka in my socks, southern comfort flask hidden in my tool box. My god, i would even do shooters while riding my motorcycle home. I say go see your doctor. Tell him everything. Then detox through him. It wont get any better. Stop that cycle. Good luck.

Serenidad

Totally agree!!! I only have 7 days sober and my anxiety is 90% better! I am also on Zoloft & I think it's finally working because I'm not drinking. It won't work if we are drinking. I suffer from pretty bad anxiety myself and have had it since childhood. The morning after drinking my anxiety would be SO bad that it was actually painful and I thought I was dying! I walked thru the pain because someone told me it was temporary. They said if I just stop drinking it would get better. I believed them. They were right and it's only been 7 days! I've also been exercising A LOT and that is doing wonders for my anxiety. One last thing....try to avoid caffeine & nicotine. Those 2 things make my anxiety 100 x worse. Good luck! I'm sorry you are suffering. :-( You're in my prayers.

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stf2012

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am so glad to have found this website/app tonight. It is already giving me hope

One thing I wanted to add to the details of my condition is that my doctor had prescribed me Klonopin a while back for my anxiety. When my will is strong enough, instead of grabbing the bottle, I will take a Klonopin, lay down on the floor (it is somehow more soothing than laying in bed, where I end up so often, feeling like a drunkard bum), set my kitchen timer to 30 minutes - by which time I know it will take effect - and wait, breathing slowly, thinking of good things, swatting out of my mind as hard as I can any bad thoughts, close my eyes and know the timer is my friend. By the time it rings, I know I will be better and not desperately crave the drink. It doesn't work every time, but when it does, I have some optimism, and am relieved that my day hasn't begun with a drunk. I do this during the day at work, too. I will take the klonopin, jot down on a post it the time and know that in 30-40 minutes I will feel relief. Before, I would excuse myself and run to the liquor store and chug two mini bottles of the cheapest vodka, buy a small onion at the deli and eat it, smoke a cigarette and return to work, sweating like pig. What a contrived procedure! An onion?? Lol ...... :/

On the other hand, I hear and read bad things about klonopin being terribly addictive, and I am beginning to notice that. But I'd still rather eat a pill or two - especially in the middle of a two hour meeting at work - than start hands trembling and sweating from alcohol withdrawal. I had to buy a handkerchief because I would be sweating so hard during the day, in an ice cold air conditioned office, from withdrawal from drinking all morning, day, and night for weeks.

Does anyone have experience with klonopin?

Even if not, thanks again, and best wishes to all

stf2012

Taking klonopin in the mornings often helps me avoid drinking. But it makes me drowsy, so I have two or three cups of coffee. Darn catch-22. Thank you for your feedback, I am trying to get out and speed walk when I can will myself to do so. I'd love to be able to wake up, get outside and next time I'll stop by the coffee shop and get a decaf!!!

stf2012

7 days! That's great )

I have actually been smoking a lot more than I used to. If anything, the high price of cigarettes in nyc has become an issue, it shouldn't be the primary reason to quit, of course, but it helps not to want to spend $14 on a pack

Thanks again

DefconOne

After a drinking night I never knew what to expect. Sometimes I woke up and even felt normal and cruised through the day looking forward to another drinking escapade that evening. Sometimes I woke up feeling like I spent the night in the Sahara dying of thirst with a pounding head. Sometimes my body was sore, like I'd spent the night in a washing machine or in a boxing ring . In the later days, after I lost my job and was idle, I would get up and just start drinking starting with beer moving to the hard stuff in the evening till pass out time. When I quit it took about a week to dry out. I had hot and cold shakes, and heard voices and had images of people next to me in bed. It was harrowing and I'm glad its over. I fear relapse and can only manage my drinking problem one day at time. If I think longer term I know I will FAIL! I'm having fewer down and depressed cycles now that I've been sober for 5 months tomorrow. The program has been great, but deep inside there is still something missing in my life, a sense of real purpose which I hope to find on my sober journey.

Lucie29

I can relate to the cycle stf2012. My anxiety from drinking in the morning and throughout the day whether I was working or not caused crippling anxiety. It got to the point in NYC where I thought people were following me, or that I recognized complete strangers on the street. It took all my strength to get on the subway, and was paying crazy amounts on cabs to avoid them. I see now it wasn't the city, it was my drinking. When drunk I felt the opposite. I had confidence and was very careless and put myself in dangerous situations with strangers. I'm sober almost 3 weeks, and out of the city, and I feel I have my sanity back. I really am praying you make it out if that cycle, because I know how miserable and scary it is. When I moved I found empty scooters of vodka that I hid in different places in my apt. It's so crazy to think I was living like that.

bigsombrero

I'm another who relates to both the OP and agrees with this feedback. Like you, I started drinking in the mornings to relieve anxiety, vodka in my OJ. Eventually, my withdrawls resulted in panic attacks, shaky hands, and eventually seizures.

I was also on both Zoloft and Klonipin. And I drank mornings. Dude, you can't keep doing this - you are clearly not supposed to drink while on these medications. You need to STOP putting things in your body for a while...instead it sounds like you're just piling on more substances.

You can either wait until the ambulance picks you up, or somehow stop now on your own. Neither one are easy, but I'd have preferred option #2 myself (alas, I ended up taking the ambulance ride - 3 of them, in fact). You are here before it's too late, that's great... coming here is a great first step. Listen to the good folks here, their support and suggestions will get you on the right track. I really hope you quit drinking. I did, and I can't recommend it enough.

Redviper

Wow. This story is so close to home right now. You need to see a doctor and stop before it's too late.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you here!!

gvrecovery

When I started drinking vodka at 5:00 in the morning, I knew deep down I was in serious trouble, but I kept it up anyway. I had no choice. My work life went downhill and by the time I left I was a useless employee, and the anxiety was unbearable. Mixing meds with booze is a bad idea as I'm sure you know, and while I don't attend AA, I use a fundamental idea, take it one day at a time. Resolve not to drink today and develop a plan for how you're going to get through the day.