Dr. Apt.
 

I need support. And I have turned to y'all for it.

I have my doctors appointment today. In my other post it had talked about me afraid that I had hep c, I have shared dirty needles- a lot of them and to add to that, I think I'm pregnant. Which is a very controversial topic that I am unwilling to start talking about.

Point is.... I NEED support. I am what only two weeks clean? Only. I will find out the pregnancy test pretty quickly I know the hep c one takes a few days.

I am afraid I will turn to my old ways of doing drugs. I've been wearing a mask telling myself I'll worry when I have to it's okay ill figure it out. We'll the day is here that I figure it out and I feel as if I am about to take off and run to the other side of the country again after mAking a pit stop.

My emotions are high. Not sleeping well.. Yuck . I just need support and encouragement. I don't want to go use again and I understand I am responsible for that. I just need people to care.. Help me not too.
Ugh how pathetic am I ? :/

Can you get to a meeting? It would really help you to have face to face and human contact right now.

The Hep C (IF you even have it) is treatable. There are solutions for the pregnancy too - there is a solution that you can live with in regards to a pregnancy.

One step at a time.

Don't use. Nothing is made better by using. Get to a meeting, or if you really feel in danger, go to a hospital and tell them what you've told us.

Can you go to rehab? When my cousin was at rehab, there was girl in there who was pregnant. She was there, I think she may have been court ordered there, to protect the baby.

I mean, IF you are pregnant, you don't know yet right? If you are, please please please...don't use!

Please stay in contact because you will get tons of support here. :)

I just ran away from rehab. Yet again. I went out used and decided it was time to get clean. So I came back and two weeks later I am having awful symptoms that aren't Withdraw. I hope they are.

So now I am clean thinking all of these good things will happen to me if I keep doing the right thing.
Some may see some of these as a blessing, I see it as horrifying. I am 24. I'm done being the pretty girl that threw her life way. I want a life.
For a long time now I thought I could do my drugs and have a life. It worked for a little while, I made both my jobs and stayed out of trouble.

Everyday though I lived being so miserable. Everyday I would tell myself I can do this. I can figure this out. I can't, I cried everyday shoving a needle in my arm . And then I lost everything, so quickly...like many of you.

Meetings scare me. The people are so happy and they terrify me. I don't like getting close to people.

I think, if people really knew me knew the things that have happened to me...they would look at me in disgust . So I stay away for now.

Please don't judge me for running. It's not a good feeling, I don't know why I do it.
I just do.

No one is here to judge you. See your doctor today and be completely honest about everything. You are going to need to do some things and take actions you will not like. Whether that is rehab, AA, or whatever remains to be seen. Support will always be here and elswwhere, but don't forget that you must still do the work.

Hollow, no judging here. We all have our own demons to to deal with and overcome.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Personally I don't think people at meetings will judge you the way you feel they will. It may be hard for you to get close to people, but it sounds like you need "face to face" support.

Do what ever it takes to beat this, now, not tomorrow.

We are here for you, best of luck!

Hollow, if I had the strength at your age to start turning my life around I wouldn't be 31 and disabled from alcohol abuse. This fear is a gift, it's your innermost self warning you to stop. It's a self-preservation instinct, listen to it. Many, many blessings to you!

I have a sponsor. She was one of my moms friends from work. My mom was crying at work one day over me... Ugh what a terrible feeling.

My sponsor called 5 minutes later and asked if I needed a sponsor. I am on step 2 in the NA book. I'm doing my steps and have a sponsor, I am just in fear of meetings.

When I walk in the room with all those people I start like sweating and feel so anxious. I get terrified. I don't know how to shake the anxiety.

My sponsor has brought another woman over and we had a book study last week. I'm just afraid to leave my house.

I hope the appointment goes well, be honest and get the treatment you need!! :)

SR is in your corner!! :grouphug:

Make sure your doctor is also aware of the anxiety issues too. My Drug of Choice was alcohol, so I can't speak for WD from other drugs, but anxiety was a symptom of my early sobriety too. It got a lot better over time, and there are also treatments available if it doesn't.

About to be in my way there and I hate being in public right now. Anyone just hate being in public after getting sober?

Hi. Many have felt like you until the experience of attending meetings shows that people are mostly not judging you. We have a sort of self centered fear regarding new situations. I needed to convince myself I’m not that important in the overall scheme of things. In fact if you listen to some of the stories I’m sure many are far worse than yours, so try to relax and Easy Does It.

BE WELL

There is a lady in the meetings I attend and she is still drinking. There is no judgment. We are just thrilled that she is still trying. We love her and listen to her.

Last time I had to ask for help, my voice was so shaky. Speak the truth, always speak the truth even when your voice shakes. Do you know what they said to me? "Oh, I'm so glad you called. YES, we will help you."

So please tell your Dr, ask for help even if your voice shakes. Have your mom or sponsor go with if that'd help. And please keep posting here to let us know how you are doing. Sending hugs.

I hope all goes well at the Doctors MHH.

Let us know :)

D

Pregnant test was negative. My blood test should be in tomorrow. I am scared for the Hep C because the doctor said my symptoms match Hep C I probably have it.

I'll go off the word probably and they haven't told me either way so screw it. I did the next right thing and that's all I can do. Not worry about things I have no control over anymore and just continue to stay sober.

Great job on going to the Appt!! We can't get the treatment we need unless we know the facts!! . . . and stay off Dr Google in the meantime!! :)