27cougar

Did OK yesterday! I found that once I got past the initial temptation to stop at the convenience store and got home, I kept busy. Dinner, dishes, walked dog, watched a Harry Potter movie with the kids. Feel clear headed this morning with my coffee!

But I need opinions on something. Last evening while playing with the dog in the backyard, I remembered that I couldn't find my Altoids and chapstick. Last time I had them was when we went to a family event in our Suburban last weekend. I thought I'd look. My husband is packing it up right now because he is leaving for the weekend for some "guy time" (attending NHRA drag races). I checked the passenger side door holder, between the seats and under the seat. THere I found some pills. One still in the plastic, and 1/2 another one wrapped in white paper. What is this? I wondered. I took them inside and googled what the wrapper said. Erictica. It's a generic Viagra. Under the seat of the rig my husband is taking off in this weekend. My anxiety went through the roof (but I did NOT drink - I breathed!) I decided to ask him about it. He was already asleep but when I went up, he woke up to use the bathroom so I took the plunge and confronted him. His story is that a friend gave them to him a long time ago and he put them there and forgot they were even there. That just does not ring true to me! Who gets Viagra from a friend and then stashes it under the car seat? And forgets about it? My gut tells me it was there because he thought he might have occasion to use it this weekend. Without me. I am confused and unsure what to do next. But I feel strong in that I will deal with this with a clear head, not a drunk one. I am looking for opinions - does that story make sense at all or is he lying through his teeth?

LBrain

Do you have any reason to doubt him? Does he "need' it? Is it possible they have been there for a long time?

The important thing is to not let this affect your ability to remain sober.

GotGrace

I am glad you didn't drink! That is a huge victory. Separate the two issues and keep breathing. Whether there is a reason to worry or not, drinking will only make things much, much worse.

Hugs to you!

ReadyAtLast

I echo LeBrain -does he 'need' it and do you not trust him? Only you know the answer to both. If I found something like that in my husband's car and he said that to me I wouldn't doubt it because I trust him but I know in previous relationships I would not have believed it. Only you know if your husband is trustworthy

anattaboy

A drink won't help. A drink won't help. A drink won't help.

Fly N Buy

Trust for me seems to be based in previous credibility. Only you know that history and the entire scenario.

That said, like others - just don't drink! Whatever plays out a clear head always makes better decisions and choices than one soaked by demon rum ( in my case !)

Stay sober.....

27cougar

thanks you guys. i agree i want to keep a clear head to make decisions and think things through.

we do have a history that he cheated three years ago. we were seperated for almost a year, counseling and got back together 2 years ago June. Just had our 12th wedding anniversary. He does not "need" viagra with me - that part has been going great. I have forgiven and have been working really hard on trust. His story just doesnt ring true to me - it fell out of a friend's pocket at a bar one night and the friend said just keep it man so he just put it in his car and forgot about it??? I am sad and confused.

Cahabr

I just don't understand why husbands need a getaway "guy weekend". Have him give you the address and phone number and do some recon. I hope his story is true. Either way, alcohol won't help at all, and sobriety will help for sure. Keep a clear head.

Croissant

I think sometimes when we ask for advice on these kinds of things, we really know the truth deep down.

I would think something like that would be a funny story to share with your partner, not shove the pills under your car seat. Like others have said, only you know him.

Mountainmanbob

I have seen on many occasions guys giving these to other guys. Handing them out like candy.

Be at ease dear Lady.

Finding condoms would be a whole different story.

I have them laying away in several locations that I don't use
yes -- I have a prescription
but -- those things make my head feel light
being sober I don't care for that

MM

ReadyAtLast

I disagree. My husband goes away with friends fishing. I have no problem with this at all. I go away for spa weekends. I don't think anything sinister should be read into the fact a spouse is going away

gardendiva

Yep, if this happened to my husband he would ask to try them out with me, not put them under the car seat.

Stay strong and don't drink.

Cahabr

I guess it varies based on situations. I spend so much time away from my family at work and training I just can't imagine wanting more time away. Doesn't seem like it would serve any purpose other than to raise suspicions (as seen here)

soberjuly

Ok, first off I am VERY sorry. Also, I don't want to be a big rain cloud but you said 2 things which resonate with me. One is that "your gut" tells you something is wrong. The second, is that "his story just doesn't ring true to me".

I was married to a cheater, so I know. I know exactly what it feels like and he never changed despite all the times he swore he would.

Maybe you are just sensitive because it happened before. I really hope it is nothing!

lovesymphony

Sometimes I think the best thing to do if you suspect someone of cheating is to not let them know your suspicions or they cover their tracks more

Chilledice

Maybe he needs them to peform but is embarrassed about it ? Good job on keeping sober :-)

Nuudawn

These are powerful words your self is saying...

BUT the issue at hand here is you finding sobriety for you..and your family. I suspect the reason you want to sober is because alcohol is affecting your life and relationships etc etc.

I am afraid I don't really know much about your life or drinking..but since you're here...I think I can imagine.

Does your husband have a drinking issue as well? I have no idea what's going on with your drinking, your sobriety, your relationship...but it's time YOU do.

The only way to assess anything..is sober. For me, my drinking makes me absent from my life...and my relationships in many ways.

I don't mean to be flip here, but is it really a giant surprise there are relationship issues here? We don't pay attention to much other than drinking when drinking...

Stay sober...focus on that...don't let this be an excuse to stay unconscious. It's time to wake up now...

SmilingLight

That's a heavy thing to have on your shoulders. It sounds fishy to me as someone who has dealt with infidelity.

One thing I know is that there's no problem that can be made better by drinking and any problem can be made worse. If I were you, I'd focus on staying sober. At least the money you save can be used for a private investigator or divorce lawyer later if you need it.

soberjuly

or maybe he doesn't have trouble with the wife but with someone else the guilt he feels affects his ability

or he goes after really young girls and worries he can't keep up or perform like a young guy can

Yes, I wouldn't wig out or he will cover tracks. I am NOT saying he is guilty, I am just, well, I lived that reality for 8 years.

Now I actually get emails from my ex's girlfriends in despair because they think he's cheating on them and they want MY advice! lol

I would be nice as pie and once he leaves snoop around a bit. Who keeps Viagra in their car? It is too weird.

Anna

I think you probably already know the answer to your question.

I do hope you find some peace in your life.