ElleDee

I'm going through fresh sobriety agitation, emotions all over the place, etc. Today at work I should have let an issue die but NOOOO... I didn't like the tone of someone's email so I had to push my point until she apologized for being "preachy" which she is and has been that way in the past but it would be a simple to thing to just ignore instead of getting my feathers all ruffled. I copied in my co-worker who was familiar with the situation hoping for her to say something to me privately because I know this person irritates her too but she didn't. I thought... hmmmm.... maybe it's because SHE KNOWS WHEN TO SHUT UP or just drop it because it's not worth it. Now I've been feeling bad about it for the rest of the afternoon. Plus it wasn't the first time today... I had to go vent about about something to someone else this morning. She was totally with me and agreed yada yada... but why? What good does it do? I feel that when I carry on about something it only makes the bad feelings linger and make me feel worse for griping.
I can't stand the way I'm feeling. I prayed The Serenity Prayer so many times today. I whined to my daughter. I called my girlfriend and b*tched about a situation at our condo to her on the phone. It's like I just can't be happy and content. I feel like an angry person. I don't feel like myself at all.

I know it will get better. Let's just hope I don't get myself in trouble in the meantime.

biminiblue

I heard someone say in a meeting, "Just because I think something doesn't mean I have to say it."

I think there is much to be said for not making life any more difficult than it is already. Acceptance is the answer...I'm not saying I do it perfectly...just the other day a friend of mine was gossiping for like five minutes (this is something he does all the time.) I looked at him and said, "Really? Must you always be in other peoples' heads?" While it stopped the gossiping, I feel bad still - three days later.

Mouth in action before mind in gear.

ElleDee

I have a tendency to want to "tell it like it is" anyway... but my emotions are on overdrive right now. Ugh!

soberjuly

Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. That is why I really, now, think that our brains are drunk for days after we drink. I mean the way we think and react is just not how a sober person, whose brains is working as it was meant to be, works.

My daughter is at tennis/swim camp. I picked her up yesterday and her swimsuit was on backwards. It has this diagonal cut, and you know how the front is always higher than the back? Well, one of her nipples was showing. Ok, she's 4, but still, you'd think the teen girls watching her could see that and switch it around but no. So she was walking around and swimming with one nipple showing for a couple hours. Not nice, we live in the US not Europe and other kids will make fun of a little girl dressed like that. Plus, she's the size of a 6-yr-old, she's inherited my Amazon genes I'm afraid.

And there were other issues, she came home 2 days in a row and her lunch was uneaten. Obviously she doesn't know to get it out of her backpack or something. She just finished preschool and she's just not used to doing so much by herself.

Oh and 2 days ago, I caught her before she walked into the lobby, naked with a towel barely on her, lugging her backpack. She was looking for the changing room. It was her first day...could you help a 4-yr-old? you self-absorbed teen girls taking selfies and giving me nasty looks like why is a parent back here in the changing rooms, well, I wouldn't have to be if you girls just did your job!

Yesterday, I arrived to find my daughter at the pool walking around asking people if they knew where her backpack was. No one was helping her.

Okay, the old me would have lost it. And they are in the wrong but the new me dealt with it totally different. I spoke nicely to someone this morning about it. Nicely and calmly!

And I am on Day 18, but just last week, given the same situation, mean-drunk-combative me would have come out.

It was about Day 16 that I entered a calm.

That is why it now saddens me when people go back to drinking because nothing seems to have changed in their life in a week.

I really think our brains, everything, the liver, kidneys, heart...everything needs to recover from years of drinking.

And as alcohol affects everyone differently, there is no set time. For me it was 2 weeks, it may be 2 months for someone else. And I am convinced I am still improving.

I am of mostly Scandinavian descent and you know the Scandinavians can drink! so it's all your own individual makeup as to how fast you recover.

But it does get better and I am sure you are a lovely person, she will come back, I promise!

Anna

Try journaling instead of putting everything out there. It's a good tool for you to get the feelings out without involving someone else.

soberjuly

Yikes! That was me in a nutshell! the alcoholic brain.

I used to think, well I didn't drink today, so I'm sober, so I must be thinking clearly. The thing is, you just don't think clearly until you are really clear of alcohol. I believe now that can take weeks, weeks of the body and brain repairing itself.

Nonsensical

It'll get better.

I used to have a propensity for volunteering the truth to people, and it wasn't always appreciated. A wise boss once asked me, "Would you rather get what you want or say what you want? Because when you say what you want you are unlikely to get what you want."

soberjuly

too funny and too true

NightmaresOnWax

They say the best way to save face is to keep the bottom half closed.
Because of the nature of my work, I het tons of nasty emails from co workers blaming our department for problems, or complaining about things that are for the most part their fault.

I've gotten into trouble quite a few times by responding with the cold hard truth.

Over time I learned that it pisses them off a LOT more when you ignore their email, because usually everyone knows the truth anyways. It also makes you look a lot more mature and professional than them.
the best thing about email is you can read it and keep your reaction to yourself, or perhaps let another co worker who you trust read what they wrote and keep it between you two.
most of the time that person ends up looking like the bad guy for creating drama. Managers have enough crap to deal with and the last thibg they want is a loose cannon working for them, creating problems that don't exist.
worst case is management will question me, I explain the truth and 9 times out of 10 then side with me on the issue.
The absolute worse thing you can do is respond to their sassy email with more sass.

Gilmer

if you have truly offended somebody--and it wouldn't reopen a bad can of worms and make the issue worse by beating a dead horse--apologize and say you've really been in an inexcusable foul mood lately. You don't hate these people. By apologizing and admitting your wrongness in lashing out, you can repair damage to feelings.

Ruby2

Elle, I understand what you are going through. Don't worry now about what you wrote. Or about venting. You will have days where you get twisted up in knots, bent out of shape angry. I went through that for a few weeks where if you looked at me cross eyed I would probably have gone ballistic. It was awful. Dealing with my mother in law still has that effect on me but less so. I've taken to saying a prayer and trying to have sympathy for her that she has to go through life being so annoying. And really, it isn't just me either.

Even now I have periods of anger but they have been fewer and further between. Write it out and crumple it up. Type it out and erase it. Call someone you trust to vent. I've done all those and taken a walk, gone grocery shopping to just get out of the house, etc.

Just go in tomorrow and act normal. Dwelling on it, overcompensating by discussing, explaining in detail will only make things worse because if this person is insensitive and annoying in general chances are what you said was like water off a ducks back. If it comes up, think twice, speak once. Or count to ten before responding.

As a side note to SoberJuly, talk to the counselors about your daughter and your concerns and ask them to help. My son and daughter regularly come home with their lunches uneaten. There could be other reasons for it not being eaten. My 6 year old daughter eats almost nothing. She tells me she doesn't have time to eat. In fact when she was in school she told me she had nine minutes to eat. Nine minutes, mommy! Well, she had more than nine minutes. She got distracted. Talking to other kids, playing, etc. as for my son, he gets distracted too but he also takes medication for ADHD and it acts as an appetite suppressant. So I have had to ask his teachers to monitor his eating.

As for the towel thing. Sometimes the counselors get distracted too. Maybe they were helping some other kid. Once at the park I turned my back on my then three year old son to check on my infant daughter. I heard people giggling and turned around to see what they were laughing at. In a matter of a few seconds My son had taken off all his clothes and was running naked through the play area. The laughing got louder when he ran away when I chased after him. All I could do was laugh too.

If the counselors are spending time on their phones, talk to their supervisor about what you've observed. Or go and observe what goes on?

Nuudawn

Hey..just wanted to say I understand friend. Lately I feel like I don't have "skin". I feel like everything penetrates and irritates me far too easily. An eye roll...sarcasm or a disrespectful tone can get me seething in seconds. I have been managing to bite my tongue but oh gosh..I feel like I'm hanging by my fingernails sometimes.

I have no emotional regulation it seems..my anger is easily sparked. I think this is part and parcel of process ..unfortunately. We hang with it ..and things will simmer.

Soon we will be just chock full of zen and wisdom and patience.
(Ya ya..I can't keep a straight face even typing that lol)

Croissant

ElleDee...I completely understand, and you are always so direct with your posts here....I can easily see you'd be similar in real life.

I'm similar in that I struggle with the concept of if I hold myself back, I'm somehow not being authentic? Or I'm lying in some way?

I will say it's been one of the biggest things I've struggled with in getting sober. How do I handle this as a sensible adult, but still be true to myself.

Anna is right, journalling helps a lot. But also too, having the presence of mind to call time out from thinking about a situation (very, very hard to do!). Most of the things I gnash my teeth about weren't even worth getting steamed up about upon reflection. I often think now I steamed myself up in my drinking days to start the roller coaster...to the bottle shop. Getting steamed up, had become part and parcel of my addiction wheel. That's why I question it so much more now when I'm pissed off. It's learning to divert to a relaxing option that has been a lesson.

Months and months even...years. Alcohol got me in a cycle of thinking bad, to look for a happy solution...alcohol (the addiction mode of operation, of course!). But apart from the conscious healing, the internal healing of our brain is complex...we've dampened so much with alcohol. We need to cut our body some breaks on how it deals with our stress triggers.

GracieLou

And to go with that....

"Just because I think something doesn't make it true"

Many of my actions were a result of what I thought other people were thinking. That does not make it true. My perception of the truth can be way off and at times it was, especially at the beginning.

What other people are thinking is none of my business. I can guess but if I react on a guess, an assumption or an expectation, who is really at fault? I am.

My emotions were raw and still can be at times. Some I have learned to deal with while others still feel like fingers on a chalk board. Anger is one of them. I can feel sad and it does not effect me like anger does. Sad I can deal with, pray about it, talk about it and I can get past it rather quickly. Anger, not so much. I hang on to it, twist it, examine it, resent it and turn my whole day/week upside down because of it.

The Serenity Prayer is a good. I say that many times when I am upset to remind myself that I cannot control the actions of others. All I can control are my own reactions.

If I am wrong then I must admit it as soon as possible. See my side and clear it away. If I am right, then I have to ask myself is it worth the effort to prove it. Do I want to be right, or happy?

Being right can involve a lot that I just do not need on my plate. Being happy means I let it go and move on. That does not mean I let people walk all over me and if it comes down to it I will stand my ground but in most cases I have to ask myself, How important is it really?

When it comes to my serenity which directly effects my sobriety I find most of the time, it is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Nonsensical

Same boss also told me, "Paul, a thing can be true even if you don't say it out loud."

Wish I had his people skills.

desypete

i never say that was me anymore as i say yes that is me
thats what i can be like at any given moment of the day IF i give in to that feeling were i have to have my say and let them know about it

then i will spend the rest of the day moaning and finding others things to moan about

you said it yourself elle shut your gob lol

it does get easyier to learn how to shut our gobs over time but at least your now seeing it and starting to see there is a different way to do thing when you want to have a rant lol
the poor aa memebers had to listen to my rants in there meetings for quite a long time till someone said to me if i was going to be as miserable as you being sober i would drink again lol

i had to learn how on earth to be happy : )