Fly N Buy

Had a long time drinking buddy tell me this a couple weeks ago when he learned I am on the path of sobriety.

My friend has a very large stomach, perhaps something distended - just got his first DUI and drinks whiskey daily.

I replied - wish I could, but I can't. Others are more fortunate.

This really hit home with me about the denial I had been in for many, many years. There is little doubt this affable, comforting gent will probably never admit to his issues. It is sad to kind of see the writing on the wall of where this friendship is headed. Of course I will stay in touch with texts and still be available to him if he ever WANTS help, but it's tough releasing those folks from our sandbox of buddies.

I know my sobriety and life depends on this however and will jealously guard it all costs!!!

How have ya'll dealt with losing those closest friends when sobriety becomes the main goal in your lives???

Thanks,

PurpleKnight

I got a lot of hassle from some when I quit!!

I focused on what I wanted from a friendship, those people that couldn't get their head around me not drinking anymore and gave me grief over it, were they really the people to have around in a real life crisis?

Also I thought surely friends should be in my corner when I make serious life changing decisions about my health not criticise me for it!!

The others that have drifted away as I only saw them in places I drank, I have reconciled that if I never saw them when doing any other activities, they were more drinking buddies than friends, that was the only thing we had in common and shared our time doing!!

gettingsmarter

This doesn't actually answer your question but by staying strong and not drinking is one less person person to fuel and add too the societal drinking consciousness. Your staying strong has just the opposite effect on him as him asking you to drink. He may never change but you have planted a seed for change.

ScottFromWI

It's definitely not easy. I have learned though that many of them weren't really my friends anyway, they were simply drinking buddies. Once alchohol was missing out of the equation there was nothing for us to discuss anymore. Real friends will accept that you aren't drinking anyomore, and most will encourage you.

The tricky ones are a couple of lifelong friends that I have that are also alcoholics but either don't realize it or don't care. I'm referring to people I've known since before either of us started drinking. In those handful of cases I'm still trying to figure it out - in one case we simply had to part ways, which was painful - but necessary.

doggonecarl

You mean the ones I didn't lose because of my drinking?

Zebra1275

I had a buddy that I did most of my drinking with, at least until I started drinking alone.

He moved out of state and we lost touch with each other about 25 years ago. A couple of years ago my wife found him on Facebook, and long story short, we got together when we on vacation near his home town.

Well, after spending a little time with him I discovered he was in AA, and surprise, surprise, so was I.

We had fun re-connecting and we decided it would be fun to attend an AA meeting together, so we did. I guess we've come full circle.

Anna

Change is so important in early recovery. I think many of us have to experience losing friends or removing them from our lives for our own good.

LBrain

only two people agreed that I should stop drinking, wife and sister, everyone else thought I was over reacting and that I was not an alcoholic etc.

Fly N Buy

What an awesome experience!!!

I went to a baseball game with a friend when I was traveling in last several months. We grew up together back in the 70's and developed many bad habits together. It's been years since I have seen him. At the game I offered to buy him a beer - he told me he'd been sober for 19 years. Wow - I thought.

Since I quit slightly less than two months ago, we have stayed in touch and have become close again. Amazing how things turn out!!!

Fly N Buy

I pulled up this old thread this afternoon - grim reminder

I have not communicated with this ole drinking buddy of mine in quite awhile. Today someone I don't know called and was a business referral to me from that friend. The gent calling stated he was roommates with old friend.

I sent my friend a text - he is/was married for over 25 years, two young adult kids and parties like he's still in his 20's or 30's.

Asked him if he was ok??

His response;

Moved out back in the summer - almost got electrocuted. Blew shoulder apart - Physical Therapy 3 times a week. Lot's of changes - Am Happy!

Wow, hope is he..........

SoberLeigh

Very sad update, Fly N Buy.

Fly N Buy

A stark comparison between getting sober, working on recovery and staying out there allowing things to get worse with delusional self centered thoughts - " Am Happy" As his 17/ yo son finishes up senior year in High School.......

My gratitude list tonight will be short and sweet.........

Carver

What a great story

With regards to the original post, I was a lone drinker, so it's not really been a big issue for me.

PurpleKnight

Heartbreaking update!! . . . I used to convince myself all the time that I was happy!!

Soberwolf

Being polite & saying I'm on a diffrent path these days

daz135

Totally get that can drink a rediculess amount and no one says anything and I mean the people who would look out for you like parents etc.

thomas11

[QUOTE=Fly N Buy;4810521]Had a long time drinking buddy tell me this a couple weeks ago when he learned I am on the path of sobriety.

My friend has a very large stomach, perhaps something distended - just got his first DUI and drinks whiskey daily.

I replied - wish I could, but I can't. Others are more fortunate.

This really hit home with me about the denial I had been in for many, many years. There is little doubt this affable, comforting gent will probably never admit to his issues. It is sad to kind of see the writing on the wall of where this friendship is headed. Of course I will stay in touch with texts and still be available to him if he ever WANTS help, but it's tough releasing those folks from our sandbox of buddies.

I know my sobriety and life depends on this however and will jealously guard it all costs!!!

How have ya'll dealt with losing those closest friends when sobriety becomes the main goal in your lives???

Thanks,[/QUOTE

I always drank alone so I did not lose any drinking buddies, but I will share what I can. When I was younger I was part of an extremely tight knit group of guys, we partied together, but we also did a lot of stuff we should not have been doing, thus the reason we were so tight knit. When I got out of it, I had to cut them off and it was not easy. I lived a solitary life for 3 years before I came out of my cave to re-engage the world. But it was worth every day. Very hard, but worth it. I hope you find the same.

Fly N Buy

[QUOTE=thomas11;5629702][QUOTE=Fly N Buy;4810521]
I always drank alone so I did not lose any drinking buddies, but I will share what I can. When I was younger I was part of an extremely tight knit group of guys, we partied together, but we also did a lot of stuff we should not have been doing, thus the reason we were so tight knit. When I got out of it, I had to cut them off and it was not easy. I lived a solitary life for 3 years before I came out of my cave to re-engage the world. But it was worth every day. Very hard, but worth it. I hope you find the same.

Yea, thanks Thomas - hit 17 months next week and couldn't be happier with the decision I made to quit.

This post was a follow up from last year, just fyi.......