July 30: Recommitting to Sobriety
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Don't worry about it Kevin. You were just stating your feelings at the time. No need to have regrets... not here! We are all in the same boat and rooting for your success... everyone's success... no matter what. 
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Page 151 from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous
Chapter 11
A VISION FOR YOU
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Chapter 11
A VISION FOR YOU
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by ElleDee 
Don't worry about it Kevin. You were just stating your feelings at the time. No need to have regrets... not here! We are all in the same boat and rooting for your success... everyone's success... no matter what.
There are no wasted posts in this forum. Someone out there will relate to it. As you can see by the post before mine it helped someone. So no regrets okay?
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Originally Posted by ForgetfulKevin
Sorry to bump this but I wanted to follow up to say I regret having started this thread.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I "chose to drink" last week (other than "I can drink and I will"), or what I hoped to accomplish by posting about it the next day.
Looking back, it seems a little cocky and "tra-la-la" to me, as if I was confidently testing the waters to confirm my decision in favor of sobriety, or something like that. I'm not sure it makes sense to me.
Today it looks really irresponsible, on a forum where there are many struggling people who cannot afford to "test the water" even once. Please accept my apologies for that.
I do appreciate the questions that were asked (seeds planted and germinating), and of course the encouragement.
I should keep in mind that there must have been some convincing reasons/intuitions that led me to quit drinking (again) and join SR two months ago.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I "chose to drink" last week (other than "I can drink and I will"), or what I hoped to accomplish by posting about it the next day.
Looking back, it seems a little cocky and "tra-la-la" to me, as if I was confidently testing the waters to confirm my decision in favor of sobriety, or something like that. I'm not sure it makes sense to me.
Today it looks really irresponsible, on a forum where there are many struggling people who cannot afford to "test the water" even once. Please accept my apologies for that.
I do appreciate the questions that were asked (seeds planted and germinating), and of course the encouragement.
I should keep in mind that there must have been some convincing reasons/intuitions that led me to quit drinking (again) and join SR two months ago.
I had several arrogant stubborn I-can-do-what-the-hell-I-want moments. I would drink and say I learned something from it. Drink again a bit later and again see what I did and now I know not to do that again.
I discovered that was pure AV talking. I always dismissed it because I did not get a full blown relapse. I controlled it I thought.
Really controlling it means I don't drink and I don't use the excuse that I am just reminding myself. That's pure AV.
Good to see you back at it and hope to have your smiling face on the weekender as always.
Ken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 468
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.
To be honest, I'm not completely back yet. Sorry about that, but I shouldn't leave a false impression. I drank three other evenings after the 29th. I'm not sure I'm ready to quit again yet. I suppose I'm still convincing myself (as in UltraDad's signature).
Jackandbess2: Please don't take time off from sobriety on my account. I'm not setting a very good example here.
Weasel: Thank you very much for the resonant feedback. I'll be sure to reread that.
I hope people won't waste their time, energy and concern trying to enforce sobriety or abstinence on me. I'll find my own way. I'll say "help!" if I need to.
A useful concept I picked up from another thread was "hierarchy of values", which I will keep in mind and consider the next few days. I will also have to stay mindful of how easily people can overlook or dismiss negative consequences.
I will probably be lurking and thanking on SR more than posting for a little while.
Thank you all, and best wishes. You are in my thoughts, and your posts and stories and examples are also in my thoughts, for which I am glad.
"Kevin"
To be honest, I'm not completely back yet. Sorry about that, but I shouldn't leave a false impression. I drank three other evenings after the 29th. I'm not sure I'm ready to quit again yet. I suppose I'm still convincing myself (as in UltraDad's signature).
Jackandbess2: Please don't take time off from sobriety on my account. I'm not setting a very good example here.
Weasel: Thank you very much for the resonant feedback. I'll be sure to reread that.
I hope people won't waste their time, energy and concern trying to enforce sobriety or abstinence on me. I'll find my own way. I'll say "help!" if I need to.
A useful concept I picked up from another thread was "hierarchy of values", which I will keep in mind and consider the next few days. I will also have to stay mindful of how easily people can overlook or dismiss negative consequences.
I will probably be lurking and thanking on SR more than posting for a little while.
Thank you all, and best wishes. You are in my thoughts, and your posts and stories and examples are also in my thoughts, for which I am glad.
"Kevin"
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