Meraviglioso

Hello, I just wanted to introduce myself. I really hope that this will become a good source of support for me as I attempt... again.... to get sober. I am a 35 year old American living in Italy, the land of wine wine wine, which has always been my drink of choice. Alcoholism is not really accepted as a disease here. I have had a really hard time finding support from anyone, including those closest to me. I have a GREAT life, my only real problem is my alcohol abuse. I have been averaging about 2 bottles of wine a day, I am nearly always drunk. It is not a good thing for a number of reasons. My biggest motivator in making the decision to change is my 2 wonderful sons, ages 4 and 5.5. They are happy, healthy, wonderful. I know if I continue to drink I will risk losing them- either physically by their father taking them away to keep them safe or emotionally. We have been separated for over 3 years now but have a really positive, caring relationship as co-parents and friends even. I also have an amazing, loving boyfriend. After many years of failed relationships (including with the father of my children) I have finally found an amazing person who loves me so completely. I dare say too much as he has been too lenient with my drunkeness. He always says "I know it is a problem but I love you problems and all" Which is nice, but not what I need. He is a really healthy, positive, strong person but I think that deep down he knows he can't do anything for me, the change will have to come from within me. I need to do this also for him. There are only so many times people will put up with my ********, you know?
I chose my user name after a wonderful Italian song by Domenico Modugno. I will post the link to it below, it might be helpful for some of you.

Meraviglioso

youtube.com/watch?v=9qw3nCvFZK0


It appears that I cannot post a link, but if anyone is interested the you tube information is above, you just have to add the www I hope it is ok I shared that, I just wanted to give the motivation behind my user name and I think it is a really positive message to remember when we are feeling down.

And here are the lyrics translated for those that don't speak Italian!


E vero, credetemi è accaduto/ it's true, believe me, it happened
di notte su di un ponte/ one night on a bridge
guardando l'acqua scura/ while i was looking at the dark waters
con la dannata voglia/ feeling the damned impulse
di fare un tuffo giù uh/ to dive into them
D'un tratto qualcuno alle mie spalle/ suddenly someone behind me
forse un angelo/ perchance an angel
vestito da passante/ disguised as a passer-by
mi portò via dicendomi/ took me away saying
Così: Meraviglioso/this: wonderful
ma come non ti accorgi/ can't you see
di quanto il mondo sia/ how the world is
meraviglioso/ wonderful
Meraviglioso/ wonderful
perfino il tuo dolore/ even your sorrow
potrà guarire poi/ could heal someday
meraviglioso/ wonderful
Ma guarda intorno a te/ take a look around you
che doni ti hanno fatto:/ at all the gifts they offered you
ti hanno inventato il mare eh/ they invented the sea for you
Tu dici non ho niente/ you say you have nothing
Ti sembra niente il sole!/ does the sun seem nothing to you
La vita,l'amore/ and what about life, love
meraviglioso/ wonderful
il bene di una donna/ the love of a woman
che ama solo te/ who loves only you
meraviglioso/ wonderful
La luce di un mattino/ the light of the morning
labbraccio di un amico/ the hug of a friend
il viso di un bambino/ the face of a child
meraviglioso/ wonderful
meraviglioso/ wonderful
Ma guarda intorno a te/ take a look around you
che doni ti hanno fatto:/ at all the gifts they offered you
ti hanno inventato il mare eh/ they invented the sea for you
Tu dici non ho niente/ you say you have nothing
Ti sembra niente il sole!/ does the sun seem nothing to you
La vita,l'amore/ and what about life, love
meraviglioso/ wonderful
La notte era finita/ th night was over
e ti sentivo ancora/ and i could still feel you
Sapore della vita/ taste of life
meraviglioso/ wonderful

Dee74

welcome to SR Meraviglioso
Glad to have you join us

D

Meraviglioso

thanks, I am really glad too. I need to get through today, tonight especially. I wake up every morning saying "enough!!!!!!" and feel very positive about my decision to change and it is just INCREDIBLE how by the afternoon I'm back at it. Not today though. Not today. I will post on here all day if I have to!

Dee74

I did lol - it really helps

D

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you onboard!!

LBrain

welcome to the forum - keep posting. do whatever it takes to get through the day without a drink.

Meraviglioso

So far so good. It is 13:45 here and I haven't had a drink yet.... small victories. I am even at my children's father's house and there is an open bottle of white wine in the fridge, haven't touched it.

LBrain

don't even think about it, pretend it's not there

Meraviglioso

Fortunately I am extraordinarily busy with paperwork so I don't even have time to get up from the desk. But I will be leaving soon to go elsewhere. I just need to get back from my errands this afternoon without stopping by the bar.

DoubleDragons

In the beginning of sobriety, sometimes it is one minute at a time. You can do this. I have four children, and I am such a better mom to them now being calm and fully present. My husband never asked me to quit drinking either. I made my own decision, which was great, because I have no resentments. I did sobriety for me, then my children, then him. I am ten months sober and I drank for 27 years. You can do this!!!

Fly N Buy

Welcome! You can do this if you choooooose to !!! Glad to have you here - SR helps me daily - Great people with honest, open hearts!!!

buona fortuna!!
peace

Meraviglioso

Thanks everyone. And thanks to you Double Dragons for sharing that. That really gives me hope as a mother.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us.

melki

Great to have you here! I was so happy to find this forum too. It's been an incredible source of inspiration, information, and support. Hello from a fellow mother of two wonderful kids I also drank wine by the bottles, tried to moderate for years, now sober one month and very elated about it. I'm still going though some tough parts of recovery, but definitely a better mother now that I'm not preoccupied with getting from drink to drink.

Read through the forum and post away! Several things I found especially useful when starting out were ideas in Rational Recovery (you can google it, there's a crash course online presentation), concept of AV (Addictive Voice), and trigger points for drinking like HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). Prepare a plan for yourself how to get through them and how to go forward.

This forum is my biggest source of support, I've been checking it daily. Best of luck and we're here for you when you need us!

awholenewlife52

Welcome, Meraviglioso!

ccam1973

Welcome and best of luck. Great support here; post away!

Meraviglioso

Thanks again everyone. It is 19:15 here and I'm still drink free. I feel really good for just getting this far, even though it isn't much. I'm getting ready to take my children out for pizza

melki

Make sure you know what you'll order to drink for yourself. For me, it helped going into every situation prepared, without giving myself any wiggle room and taking alcohol option off the table completely (as opposed to "I'll nurse one glass of wine for the whole night" or smth similar). It was freeing!

Meraviglioso

Success! We just had water for everyone. I choose a pizzeria for a reason. I usually have beer with pizza and beer is much easier for me to pass on. I don't think I'm ready to go to a restaurant where they serve food I would have wine with. It is the wine that wakes the monster within. I had a few pulls as we were driving home and I passed not one, but two of my favorite bars. Having the kids with me really helps. While it is not uncommon here to bring kids to bars (they are social places that start with breakfast and coffee in the morning and go into the evening) it is not something I have done regularly and always made me feel pretty bad. So being determined to quit this time and having them with me really helped me resist the urge.
Now they are in bed, I need to finish my last paperwork for the day and then off to bed myself. I won't say "I made it" just yet... still a bit to go til I sleep, but I feel confident I'll get there. The kids are too young for me to leave home alone and I have zero alcohol in the house.