Pairs

Hi everybody. I'm new to this board and new to sobriety. It's been over 7 months since I had my last drink. I NEVER thought I'd make it this long. I've been in despair about this for years. I've been drinking for over 25 years, and I saw no hope of ever quitting. Finally I couldn't take the shame, the hangovers, the hell anymore so I vowed that this would be a new year. And I've made a lot of progress. Thing is, it seemed EASY in the beginning. Because it felt SO great not to be hung over, so great not to hate myself or feel so ashamed all the time. But as spring turned into summer and barbecues started and I watched enviously as people could enjoy what I couldn't, I felt all the desire to drink coming back tenfold. And I don't know what to do about it. I always felt before I quit drinking that life would never be fun again. Then I made the change and started feeling happier. Now here I am feeling what I was before. What the hell is the matter with me??? I miss that relaxing, nice feeling, where your worries are gone for a while. I miss leaving everything behind for a while. I miss it desperately right now and am very, very afraid that I'll start to drink again. I know there's probably nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I know that if I blow it and take that one drink, I'll be back on the slippery slope. Maybe, just maybe if I hang out here a while, maybe give someone else a hand up, it'll pick me up too? I'm hoping for both.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you posted and that you recognize you are in a vulnerable situation.

I wonder what changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? I had to find new, healthy ways to 'fill' myself and it took awhile. The two main things that helped me were volunteer work and lots of walking. Have you made new friends and tried new activities that don't involve drinking?

Stay strong and get through this!

Dee74

Welcome Pairs

Anna makes a great point - I not only had to stop drinking, but I had to change my life as well, cos my old life was all about drinking - drinking as a problem solver, as a relaxant, and as a social lubricant....

What other ways have you found to relax and have fun sober?

D

least

I had to change the way I thought. My whole mindset is different now and I have no desire to drink. Find yourself a new hobby. Something not involved with drinking. Or you could volunteer somewhere. Give back to the community. It's a good way to make friends and get out of your own head for a while.

LBrain

First off congratulations on seven months. I just completed seven months today.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Spring into summer. .. I missed out on a lot of spring. I did things to keep myself occupied but avoided a lot. I am choosing different things and people. Mostly it is an attitude adjustment. I do know that I am starting to enjoy the things I used to do. I enjoy them more without the drink. It's refreshing to go out and live without the tirednfeeling alcohol takes away from it. Hang on. Learn to appreciate life for what it is.
It will feel better.

NightsWatch

Hi Pairs. I think it's good that even though a part of you wants to drink, the other part of you recognizes that it's not a good idea and seems to be putting up quite a resistance. It made you come here after all.

I quoted the above because that's always the temptation right? To leave our worries behind, to go on an inner vacation from our problems, our own thoughts. You know this already, but doing this doesn't solve anything. The problems will still be there when you get back, except this time there's one more problem - you're drinking again.

Somewhere I read that continuing to drink is like procrastinating. We put off all the things that we need to work on - the boring, scary, difficult stuff - and the problem with using alcohol is that we can easily get to the end of our lives and see that we didn't do anything about it at all. There's going to be a lot of regret, but by then, you won't have a chance to change it. But today you do.

I have this problem of "I'll do it tomorrow" and the illusion that somehow, tomorrow-me will have more willpower or won't have the craving or I'm magically a more idealized productive version of myself. I'm wrong 90% of the time; tomorrow-me doesn't want to do the dishes either, and tomorrow turns into a week, and sometimes until things start growing on the dishes. The problem is that there are always more tomorrows you can push things off to. At least until the one day when there won't be. Everything that you get done, has been done in one of your todays, because it's the only time you can do anything. Today you can do the actual work instead of pushing it off to tomorrow-you, a you who is likely just as fond of vacations.

Pairs

Thank you so much, all of you. You've been kind. Yes, I do need to make more changes, but my life is so busy, much busier than it was before. Somehow I could always be busy and still drink. I could do anything and drink, even a hobby. So yes, while I need to develop new interests, being busy is not necessarily going to be my answer. I used to drink and do housework, drink and exercise, drink and read, drink and play on the computer, drink and do yard work, drink and cook. SO much of my life was more "fun" because I could drink while I did it. Now I have to deal with the "boredom" at times. I do know, of course, that the fun inevitably turned into hell. The thought of that hell has been the only thing keeping me from starting again. And I'm hoping that joining you here will be the other thing keeping me from it. Thanks again.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum pairs!!