I am my daughter's worst enemy
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winchester, Idaho
Posts: 2
I am my daughter's worst enemy
My oldest daughter has spent the past 10 years addicted to something; the most recent was meth. At one point, I sought treatment with a therapist to learn how to help her and ended up realizing it was myself that needed the help. How does a mother abandon her children? What kind of a mother would let their child go without food, shelter, clothing or medical care for any reason? Those were my issues. When I found out my helping was only prolonging her addiction, I followed the therapist's advice and let go. It was hard but in the long run, she was thankful for it.
She chose to get clean about 18 months ago and in a weak moment, I agreed to let her live with me while she got strong enough to go her own way. I'm still waiting and I feel like I am right back where I was when she was at the height of her addictiond.
I am in the middle of a tornado - subject to her extreme mood swings and being responsible for her living expenses. She has spent time in jail on and off and even though she is not a felon, she is unskilled and unmotivated to be on her own. I am at my wits end.
Instead of blowing up and ending any chance of a relationship with my daughter, I have found two different Al-anon groups that meet weekly and I will start tomorrow, I found this website for support and will just take it one day at a time. I can't choose her path, I can't do rehab for her, I can't sway her with begging, pleading, threatening; I can only be responsible for myself and my behaviors.
For the most part, I am seeking fellowship with others going through the same trials.....learning strategies to avoid getting sucked into pointless arguments and avoiding the guilt when she uses the well-known triggers to get a rise out of me.
Mo
She chose to get clean about 18 months ago and in a weak moment, I agreed to let her live with me while she got strong enough to go her own way. I'm still waiting and I feel like I am right back where I was when she was at the height of her addictiond.
I am in the middle of a tornado - subject to her extreme mood swings and being responsible for her living expenses. She has spent time in jail on and off and even though she is not a felon, she is unskilled and unmotivated to be on her own. I am at my wits end.
Instead of blowing up and ending any chance of a relationship with my daughter, I have found two different Al-anon groups that meet weekly and I will start tomorrow, I found this website for support and will just take it one day at a time. I can't choose her path, I can't do rehab for her, I can't sway her with begging, pleading, threatening; I can only be responsible for myself and my behaviors.
For the most part, I am seeking fellowship with others going through the same trials.....learning strategies to avoid getting sucked into pointless arguments and avoiding the guilt when she uses the well-known triggers to get a rise out of me.
Mo
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Mszwed, you sounds like you are making a lot of great choices by seeking help for yourself, SR can also be a wealth of support. While you are always welcome here in the newcomers forum, be aware that there is a forum here specifically for friends and family of addicts too, you may want to check that out too.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
welcome mszwed! your title jumped out at me! my son is a person with an addiction and i have finally gotten out of his way so he can learn to live a clean and sober life. alanon has been a godsend as has SR, so much support here. i'm glad you found us, for my sake as well as yours! shared wisdom is helping me in my recovery from being addicted to his addiction (codependent). my son lives with me and i had hoped his being in recovery would be easier than the alternative, and it is, but it has it's own special challenges!
yeah i'm still waiting as i live in the middle of a tornado too! i feel like i'm back to where i was also and you know... i probably am. maybe now i'm paying too much attention to his recovery?
so, for me, i am putting the focus back on myself and doing what i can for me to have more peace. glad you've joined us! see you over in friends and families soon?! lots of good stuff for us codies there!
Originally Posted by mszwed 
I agreed to let her live with me while she got strong enough to go her own way. I'm still waiting and I feel like I am right back where I was when she was at the height of her addiction.
I am in the middle of a tornado - subject to her extreme mood swings and being responsible for her living expenses.
I have found two different Al-anon groups that meet weekly and I will start tomorrow, I found this website for support and will just take it one day at a time.
For the most part, I am seeking fellowship with others going through the same trials.....learning strategies to avoid getting sucked into pointless arguments and avoiding the guilt when she uses the well-known triggers to get a rise out of me.
I am in the middle of a tornado - subject to her extreme mood swings and being responsible for her living expenses.
I have found two different Al-anon groups that meet weekly and I will start tomorrow, I found this website for support and will just take it one day at a time.
For the most part, I am seeking fellowship with others going through the same trials.....learning strategies to avoid getting sucked into pointless arguments and avoiding the guilt when she uses the well-known triggers to get a rise out of me.
so, for me, i am putting the focus back on myself and doing what i can for me to have more peace. glad you've joined us! see you over in friends and families soon?! lots of good stuff for us codies there!
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