So much SHAME and embarrassment! :-(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname 
The phrase "one of my tabs" implies to me that you had more than one, so maybe you paid one and then ordered more drinks? (I have done this) Then maybe you thought that you had paid your tab, from earlier, and didn't remember ordering the last few rounds? Just a thought. Who knows? You know, on the embarrassment thing, there's not much you can do, what's done is done, you do the crime and you do the time; consequences follow actions. Maybe try to use this as added motivation down the line to stay sober, at least then it's a positive event. I know part of why I got sober and (finally) stayed sober was due to an event I found deeply embarrassing during last May, and that helped me solidify my resolve to give sobriety another go.
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totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
It is likely that you will never hear anything else about this, nor will your son be affected by this "one" incident in any way. Even if some word got out, it would likely have little affect over the long haul anyway. What does have an effect is a long term pattern of "stuff". If you are like me, then this is just one of many incidents to come if you continue. Forgive yourself for this. It is really likely a much bigger deal to you than anyone else. Take it, learn from it and understand that it could happen anytime you drink. Then make a decision what you want to do over the long haul. After a while you just might look back and hopefully think, "Hey, I am glad that happened. I learned from it before a bunch of other stuff happened". Could be the incident that changes everything for the better................or just one of others to come.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
The only thing you can do if you think people will talk, is behave beautifully from this day forward. SO let them talk. But if what they see is a sober, well behaved person, you are proving them wrong eveyr time. I dont know if its good or not, but when I have a memory, that I'd rather not have..I knock it right out of my head, why should I dwell on the uncomfortable? HEY, even non drunks have memories they don't like....I would never throw it in their faces...
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6
I SO feel your pain
I'm new here. This is my first post, and to encounter this as my very first post is amazing to me because you remind me of me.
Serenidad, I feel for you so much. I've been in your shoes. So recently. I'm only 8 months sober, and it's been such a rollercoaster. The things I did while drinking I can barely allow myself to think about, or I WILL pick up a bottle again. I'm allowing myself to let it in a little at a time, because of course we DO need to know what we've done, as it can reinforce our desire to stay sober, but not so much that it will make ourselves feel worse and want to take up drinking again. But the shame. The God awful shame. I've been there, and if I met you, I would wrap my arms around you and tell you it's going to be okay. Please hang in there. Know that there are many on here, like myself, who have been there. You are certainly not alone. And if YOU're a loser, than there are a heck of lot of others out there! I kid you, because I know you're not a loser, nor am I. We are just people who want to feel good, and drinking did that. For a while. That's the "evil" if you will, of drinking. It's all very innocent at first. It's just social, you start off not needing a lot, but before you know it, you're on the slippery slope downward and by then it feels almost impossible to stop sliding. DON'T let your shame make you spiral back down. You're obviously a good person. Keep your chin up. Come on here, with the rest of us, and we'll take it one step and a time.
Hugs,
Pairs
Serenidad, I feel for you so much. I've been in your shoes. So recently. I'm only 8 months sober, and it's been such a rollercoaster. The things I did while drinking I can barely allow myself to think about, or I WILL pick up a bottle again. I'm allowing myself to let it in a little at a time, because of course we DO need to know what we've done, as it can reinforce our desire to stay sober, but not so much that it will make ourselves feel worse and want to take up drinking again. But the shame. The God awful shame. I've been there, and if I met you, I would wrap my arms around you and tell you it's going to be okay. Please hang in there. Know that there are many on here, like myself, who have been there. You are certainly not alone. And if YOU're a loser, than there are a heck of lot of others out there! I kid you, because I know you're not a loser, nor am I. We are just people who want to feel good, and drinking did that. For a while. That's the "evil" if you will, of drinking. It's all very innocent at first. It's just social, you start off not needing a lot, but before you know it, you're on the slippery slope downward and by then it feels almost impossible to stop sliding. DON'T let your shame make you spiral back down. You're obviously a good person. Keep your chin up. Come on here, with the rest of us, and we'll take it one step and a time.
Hugs,
Pairs
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
possibly a God sent warning ???
Originally Posted by Serenidad
What if MY actions hurt my son?
Has liquor ceased to be a luxury
And
Now became a necessity ???
If so the best part of all this may be
A God sent wake up call for you
If alcoholic and you continue to drink
This event will be next to nothing
Compared to what's ahead down the road
Mountainmanbob
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Serenidad,
AA will give you the spiritual tools to deal with the messes we created. It just takes time to work through. Everyday we don't drink is making living amends to yourself and family.
Hang in there - just don't drink and don't worry about the coach talking to the coach about the blah, blah, blah. Give yourself a break and just don't drink today!!!
peace
AA will give you the spiritual tools to deal with the messes we created. It just takes time to work through. Everyday we don't drink is making living amends to yourself and family.
Hang in there - just don't drink and don't worry about the coach talking to the coach about the blah, blah, blah. Give yourself a break and just don't drink today!!!
peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Hi Serinidad, I feel your pain so much in your post. The past is the past and moving forward you don't have to be that girl again. I know alcohol causes all my morals and boundaries to go out the window. Flashbacks of my behavior bring so much embarrassment. Your not in this alone. Great choice not letting this cause you to pick up a drink!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Sorry that you're in that "ugh..oh no!" place. It's never fun. I wouldn't concern myself too much over the any "information leak" adversely affecting your son. What sort of educator would hold the the issues of the parent over the son? I worked in a school systems many years ago, in a teeny tiny town, as a "special needs assistant". As it was a small town, I was privy to the going's on and issues of many a parent. With that knowledge, I think I probably gave special attention and compassion to children of "difficult circumstance". I would not fret about that one little iota. Not at all.
Hopefully, a part of you can hold this "shame" somewhat dear. Put it in a special place to retrieve when a drink sounds like a good idea...or your old AV is telling you "it's not a problem" or "you will just have one".
I doubt there is not one person on this board who doesn't have hideous booze addled war stories that make us want to crawl under a boulder upon reflection.
But you are crawling out from under the burden of active addiction. Your son will be much more adversely affected by your active addiction than any idle gossip of yesterday. Eyes forward. To borrow from some military slogan...
"Be all that you can be!".
Hopefully, a part of you can hold this "shame" somewhat dear. Put it in a special place to retrieve when a drink sounds like a good idea...or your old AV is telling you "it's not a problem" or "you will just have one".
I doubt there is not one person on this board who doesn't have hideous booze addled war stories that make us want to crawl under a boulder upon reflection.
But you are crawling out from under the burden of active addiction. Your son will be much more adversely affected by your active addiction than any idle gossip of yesterday. Eyes forward. To borrow from some military slogan...
"Be all that you can be!".
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I used to be that guy in my neighbourhood serenidad - unwashed wild hair, hadn't showered, stumbling around...
If my reputation can come back from that (and it has) yours can too.
Focus on who you are, not who you were
D
If my reputation can come back from that (and it has) yours can too.
Focus on who you are, not who you were
D
Last edited by Dee74; 07-29-2014 at 02:58 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Just had to say I can relate to having a severe case of the "what ifs"!!!
Hate what you did, but you can't hate yourself, that will lead you back to booze. Your acquaintance that works in a bar has probably seen many folks over do it - you can't control what he says and you should try to put it out of your mind.
I too get nasty flashbacks - some so real I can feel the shame burning up my face - I just let it go and it passes. And I try to remember that those days are OVER!! I am a different person now that doesn't behave in that way any more - and I have so many blessings to count because of my new way of life. So keep your head up and keep moving forward!
Hate what you did, but you can't hate yourself, that will lead you back to booze. Your acquaintance that works in a bar has probably seen many folks over do it - you can't control what he says and you should try to put it out of your mind.
I too get nasty flashbacks - some so real I can feel the shame burning up my face - I just let it go and it passes. And I try to remember that those days are OVER!! I am a different person now that doesn't behave in that way any more - and I have so many blessings to count because of my new way of life. So keep your head up and keep moving forward!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
I really don't know what to say. I am so grateful for all of you. I just read through each and every one of your comments and they were amazing! I am going to be sure to re-read them often. Thank you SO much!
After my post I exercised for an hour and then went to an AA meeting. The topics really helped. I think it's safe to say, with the help of all of you, that I will go to bed sober.
God bless all of you! I will try to stop beating myself up. I will try to stop worrying so much. I will try to like myself (even if it's just a little). I will do everything possible to stay sober one day at a time because I don't want to ever go back to the place of darkness that alcohol took me.
Love u guys!
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After my post I exercised for an hour and then went to an AA meeting. The topics really helped. I think it's safe to say, with the help of all of you, that I will go to bed sober.
God bless all of you! I will try to stop beating myself up. I will try to stop worrying so much. I will try to like myself (even if it's just a little). I will do everything possible to stay sober one day at a time because I don't want to ever go back to the place of darkness that alcohol took me.
Love u guys!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Youre doing great. Youre on track in your recovery. Who cares what that guy thinks. You werent going back to that bar anyways. Dont be ashamed. Everyone has something like that happen. Not just us alcoholics. Be proud of yourself for what youre accomplishing. Ive walked in youre shoes. Im proud of you.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Tonymblue
Youre doing great. Youre on track in your recovery. Who cares what that guy thinks. You werent going back to that bar anyways. Dont be ashamed. Everyone has something like that happen. Not just us alcoholics. Be proud of yourself for what youre accomplishing. Ive walked in youre shoes. Im proud of you. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
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