habsfan18

Hi guys,

I'm kind of confused right now. I stopped drinking on February 1rst and didn't drink until the 18th of june. I drank because I was going on a solo trip to Ireland, Scotland and England. I just felt like I would be able not to binge drink anymore. I actually was pretty successful during my trip except for one night, but it wasn't that bad. Since I didn't drink that much during my trip I thought I was "healed" from alcoholism. However, since I came back I was drinking mostly everyday but always like 1 beer or 2 and it was just to relax. But then on friday, 2 days ago, I binge drank so bad that I ended up puking and continued drinking and passed out. My parents were very worried as they thought I was in a coma. I need your opinion, should I learn how to drink or just try to stop drinking like I did for 137 days and still failed?

Thanks guys! You are the reason I stopped drinking for more than 4 months the first time

Windancer

Hi Habsfan. Trying to moderate has usually been a very painful and dangerous path for me. It will generally start out well, and I will "trick" myself into becoming complacent and not having a big problem anymore. I have just ended up right back at square one sooner or later.
That said, the choice must be yours and yours alone. I would strongly suggest abstaining. But if you do choose moderating or damage control, Id be VERY CAREFUL and as honest with yourself as you can, which is also very hard to do.
I hope you stick around here and choose not to drink

Coldfusion

You won't find much support for moderate drinking here at SoberRecovery. Most of us have found that we have a problem with drinking, and cannot drink.

For me, it came down to getting outside support--AA meetings. And I spend a lot of time here at SoberRecovery. If you want to make this work, keep reading and posting!

ReadyAtLast

I don't think it's possible to 'learn' how to drink. People who drink normally just do it-they don't have to think about it,it just is.

As people say on here- once you have to try and control your drinking it is already controlling you.

For me, abstinence is the only answer. Maybe look at different ways of staying sober and get additional support

habsfan18

Thank you for your answers! I have another quick question. Do you think it's possible to get through this without going to meetings or getting additional support? I honestly have never felt so good in my life. Everything seems to go well and I'm making good choices except for the alcohol thing. I don't really feel like consulting as I had a bad experience doing so in the past. Any of you got through it without consulting or going to meetings?

Windancer

I myself am not an AA goer. But I know many, and I know it has helped many. No, I don't think you can just keep on going and hope the drinking doesn't bite you in the butt. Nothing changes if nothing changes! Posting on here is a great start. I also see a psychologist, and incorporate other self help supports into my lifestyle (journaling, meditating, healthy eating, working out etc). I don't think their is a one size fits all, but I DO suggest some form of support, (AA, AVERT, SMART, a therapist etc) and a good, solid PLAN.
Blessings to you.

ReadyAtLast

I don't use AA or see anyone or go to meetings. I've used mainly SR, AVRT together with making lifestyle changes etc. find out what works for you-something did work for you to keep you sober 137 days. Can you identify what made you drink,leading up to it,the thoughts you had etc. it's natural to have cravings and thoughts of drinking.The key for me is learning how to deal with them.

imhooks

You CANT learn to drink. You are an alcoholic, and there is no such thing as moderate drinking with the disease of alcoholism. It's a disease only treated with sobriety.

Anna

There are many of us who do not use AA, but rely on SR for support, so of course you can stop drinking without meetings. I think it depends on your motivation.

You cannot 'learn how to drink'. By the time you need to learn that, it's already too late. Once the invisible line is crossed, there is no going back.

aasharon90

How bad did I want to remain sober
one day at a time after I learned a
program of recovery to use in my
everyday life? I wanted to remain
sober more than anything, because,
I wanted and needed to, to prove
it to family that I was indeed sick
with an addiction and couldn't lick
it on my own.

Today some 23 yrs sober down the
road, I remain sober for me and don't
need to prove to anyone but myself
that I still want and need a program
of recovery to live by each day I am
sober.

The knowledge that I learned about
addiction has allowed me to live life
on lifes terms which could and would
kick my azz if I let it, however, using
recovery tools provided to me thru a
program of recovery, I can stand strong
against temptation and everyday obstacles
to avoid picking up a drink of alcohol
that would make problems worse than
they really are.

Listen....Learn.....Absorb....Apply

johnnybsober

I know I am only on day 12 but. For me the the biggest key was accepting the fact that I am an alcoholic. Since I am an alcoholic I can't drink. I was never able to control my drinking before I realized and admitted I have a problem, so I have no delusions that I can now. For me one drink will put me right back into the hell I am trying to escape.

One absolute truth is if you don't drink one you won't get drunk.

Fly N Buy

habsfan,

These posts pretty much sum it all up - face to face SG or not, online forum etc. Everyone is different for sure. Have friends been sober for 19 years w/o meetings and some after 20 years still go.

The theme here to me is identifying self -- I go to AA so this is my frame of reference.
For me self-centeredness, ego, denial kept me drinking from the time I was about 13 until into my 50's. I tried multiple times everything above mentioned including the friendly reminder of antabuse. AA is helping me dig into root causes / underlying foundation of WHY I continue destructive behavior even though I now it would probably kill me>>>that is the definition of insanity - Now that said, I don't not have the market cornered on wisdom as I am only at day 49.

The trip you spoke of would surely test me as well!!!! I may have to take it off my bucket list or make it the last thing on my bucket list!!!

I think at this point you know what you need to do for yourself. Great people here online - I was highly skeptical at first. Go figure, an alcoholic that doesn't trust anyone but themself!

Peace bro.....

Solosweat

Dont be discouraged. I am on year one of self discovery and awareness. I have cut down drastically. I have set goals. This next year I am going to try and cut down even more. Drinking was a very big part of my life for all of my adult life. I do not want it to be my life anymore.

It is a process. Some people are ridiculously strong and can give callous advice, I am not so strong and only know what I have been through. However, I have to think that there are others like me.

Hang in there, don't give up.

-Wingo

LadyBlue0527

You're on a slippery slope that we've all traveled. There's no way to get you to realize what faces you ahead. We can only tell you what's happened to us.

Your first post here was about your parents being so concerned and the fact that you almost choked on your own vomit and died.

This post talks about your parents thinking that you were in a coma.

Doesn't the fact of the last two things happening and you still asking if you should "learn how to drink" help you to realize somewhat how sick this really is? Things may happen like that only periodically right now but they will get closer between and when it does happen it will be worse.

You're asking us what you should do. With all that you've said what is it that you think that you should do?

Croissant

I have sat through a funeral where a friends son had choked to death on his own vomit at a party. He was 23 years old.

You have reached a point where nothing is predictable about your drinking. That is a fact.

You thought you were safe with 2 drinks, then it flips to where you are blacked out.

You've answered your own question. To ignore what the answer is, is really what you are contemplating.

JD4010

I learned that I can't learn to drink. It is all or nothing with me. I tried countless times to become a moderate drinker. Failed each time.

Today marks the start of my 3rd week sober. I'm on a roll!

360shoes

Hi Habsfan,

Just my experience but I kinda had to go through that. Pretty much any habit or whatever you want to call it had to start with me having a deep conviction that what I found out to be true for me was in fact, truth.

I've been called a good quiter by my friends and family. They have told me I make it look easy. Ha! They should be in my head for a day. It's been far from easy. It takes a hell of a lot of work.

My work has been building on that conviction. I haven't been able to change much with out conviction. Once I get a base of some conviction...now it's a game changer.

I didn't have to be perfectly convinced. But I sure had to accept the reality of what it really was and accept the reality it would be difficult and the reality it would be better. Accepting reality was a big part.

Quiting some things or improving things or developing...whatever it is or whatever you want to call it takes a little bit of mental gymnastics at first. At least it does for me. If I work on that conviction of it's bad...it will be better, I seem to have that to fall back on when it gets tough.

I've questioned myself many times. It's been when I could answer myself quickly with the truth that it helped me move on from the question.

Can I drink and not have negative consequences? 100% heck no. It always has and always will end up the same way. Not good. Great. Now I don't have to ask anymore. I just have to answer the question with what I have come to know as true.

But the wiring in my brain will for whatever reason...don't care why...I just know it does...will sometimes out of the blue come up with a crazy thought that alcohol does something positive for me.

My thoughts and actions from there on out is where it's going to make a difference. If I entertain the thought or craving...I'm heading for trouble. If I shut it down and just let it do what it wants but fall back on my truth. It seems to pass all on its own. I don't judge it. I just don't debate with it.

Reflecting on the reality of my life and accepting it helps me tremendously.

letitgo

Very inspiring all. That question stills comes up. and the answer I cant control anything when drinking. It has never been a life vest just a vest of lead pulling me to the bottom of the ocean.
I wished I can enjoy a drink. But self destruction and binge drinking are always one sip away.
Don't temp yourself with moderation. A true **.**% failure rate.

FreeOwl

It's possible - but the bottom line for me is I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

I don't want to go back and re-learn the painful lessons I've learned over and over and over again.

At present, I just use SR and call my sponsor from time to time and maintain a focus on my healthy pursuits and reminding myself why I choose sobriety. That said, I am sure I will go to AA again at times. I used it a lot early on. I have read the Big Book many times and keep it handy to read from time to time just for the reminders and strength and insight. I am interested in doing recovery work to help others eventually... I will use an assortment of methods to maintain this choice because it is far preferable and leads to a more meaningful life than any attempts at "learning to drink". For 25 years I tried to 'learn to drink'. I'm pretty sure that if I haven't learnt to do it, and the attempts kept leading to worse and worse results - there is a very very good chance it's not going to happen. The risk now outweighs the benefits, and I am happier sober anyway.

LadyBlue0527

On the contrary, the advice from people on this board is very much full of fear for,and sympathetic to those who still think that there is a way to control this. It's spoken based on experience after having tried seven ways to Sunday to find a way to continue drinking all ending with the same drastic result.

We all loved to drink, we all tried to keep drinking, it didn't work. We're just trying to save you the same pain that we went through to finally figure it out.

Maybe things could be worded differently sometimes but everyone's heart is in exactly the same place.