PurpleKnight

I had to accept that a period of abstinence doesn't in some way cure or fix me, if I take that 1st drink, my drinking will spiral as bad as ever again, I went round in circles on the "moderation" experiment for a long time, until I finally had to accept that 1st drink is the problem and the solution to the whole thing.

Hevyn

Hi habsfan. I'm happy you wanted to discuss your situation. We all undestand how you're feeling.

I don't use AA - just SR. However, when I came here I had been drinking 30 years & totally destroyed my life. I knew I couldn't touch it ever again. I tried everything to become a social drinker, but even though I had some success once in awhile - I always ended up in danger and despair. Stopping all together was so much easier and less exhausting than trying to pretend I had control.

We're glad you're here.

habsfan18

Thank you so much guys. You have no idea how good it feels to read your answers. It really motivates me to stay sober. I've done it once for 137 days. Why couldn't I do it for a year, 2 or even forever?

Dee74

Hi again Habs

Other people have said it - if you're worrying the heck out of your parents, almost comatose and nearly choking on your own vomit...this is not a problem you have in hand.

You can rationalise it all you want - and I do understand that - I was able to rationalise away drinking all day every day as 'not that bad...but the fact remains you came here for a reason and you keep coming back for a reason.

People don't learn to drink 'right' - they either do or they don't...can or they can't.

I think that once you accept which group you're in you'll find things get a lot better for you.

I have a great life, sober.

If you've tried to cut down for 20 years and you not only fail at that but get worse with your drinking I think it's ok to admit that your preferred outcome is not possible.

If the process includes endangering your health and safety then I think it's ok to halt that process and try another approach

I wish I'd done that a lot earlier than I did.

I'm not especially strong. I just accepted the reality and cried Uncle. My insatiable desire for alcohol beat me...into the ground.
The only way I know to improve that situation is not drink at all.

I suggest you shorten the length of your process Wingo - a year is a heck of a long time...2 years is even worse.,..a lot can happen in 2 years...and not good stuff.

D

2muchpain

Habsfan18

A few years ago, I had almost a year of sobriety, then decided to take a trip to Panama. I picked up a beer here, a beer there. Eventually started to pick up six-packs. I wasn't worried because I figured I'd just quit when I got home. WRONG!! The first thing I did when I got home was drop by the liquor store.
Taking "a break" from sobriety just doesn't work for me. Doesn't sound like it works for you either. I would suggest you learn from your experience, and that you stop now before it gets totally out of hand. Good luck!!!!

Croissant

Yeah, that reminds me of the first time I gave up smoking, for 8 years - nothing, not even one puff. Then, I'm in a nightclub, and take a puff....next minute, hell, I may as well smoke for the rest of my 2 weeks holiday. Took me another 12 years to put the ciggies down.

I know I will be exactly the same with drinking. My brain wants to party like it's 1999 - literally. But it's not 1999 any more. I took my health, metabolism, everything for granted. If I could easily keep smoking (even after a bout of pleurisy in the first month of taking it up again, then progressing to asthma)....well, it doesn't bode well for me drinking a poison that fools my brain that it's wonderful and euphoric to drink.

I know I will kill myself if I take one more drink. It may not be the first one that kills me, but I've said it before. I know I may as well put a gun to my head if I do.