MasterSkywalker

57 days today... but ive been all alone since day one... I don't have anyone in my life and I don't trust strangers enough to let them in... so does this mean I am a failure or will fail in my recovery?

IWillWin

The force is with you ... and so are all of us here at SR. Recovery is a very personal journey - but we can't do it alone. If face to face support such as AA or other group meetings are not an option for you, participate as much as you can here. Isolation is an addict's worst enemy. At the very least we need to share our thoughts and this is a great place to do that with no judgment.

You are still in the early stages - it does get better. CONGRATS on 57 days ... that is a huge achievement!!

You are not alone

Mountainmanbob

answer -- not necessarily
but
AA attendance with the reading and study of the AA Big Book
has proven to be of great help for many

it's not good to be alone -- as we know
attendance in a local church has helped many a loner
to make good solid moral friends (needed by all of us)

MM

biminiblue

Can you do something to change that?

I live alone and have no family and very few who I call friends.

I went to meetings, then I started calling people I met. Along with spending time here and reading about recovery, it is working.

Thepatman

I don't think you will fail if the solitude is not grinding you to the core. I am alone as well except when I have my son every other week.

I can't do this anymore, so AA is a good match for me. Only been to a few meeting but there are a few members that I get along with. Why not try it? I felt shy at first but I am somewhat introverted, reason why I drank in the first place I think.

May the force be with you

ScottFromWI

No one is doomed to failure Master. You have overcome your drinking for 57 days, that's quite an accomplishment. Now you can start working on you. Your fear of letting others in is simply another problem that has a solution. As some have mentioned, meetings might help you ease in. You might also consider therapy....social anxiety is a very treatable issue. You can also find a lot of virtual friends here.

ultradad

Congrats on 57 days, that's amazing in itself and shows you're serious about your recovery. I also would suggest AA. It's a bit different than letting strangers in your life cause the people of AA are just like us : )

CodeJob

My RAH is a loner. He is 15 mo sober. It can be done. I wish you well!

Mountainmanbob

An excellent point made

MasterSkywalker

thank you all for the kind words and support... I am not trying to blow off your advice, I have attended those meetings in years past and I never liked it... I don't know what else is out there for me...

SpaceMandrill

I totally dig the solitude thing, and how it makes you want to cave in :/. Just yesterday I went out to the pub with the express purpose of meeting new people, and I did! I also got into a fight, almost got thrown out, met a cute, smart girl who made it absolutely, 100% clear that she ISN'T interested in me, and pissed off some good people by being a drunken *******. So, yeah. Alcohol won't help with loneliness, not really. Even if you try and use it as a "social lubricant". It just doesn't work well for its stated purpose.

I was thinking about alternatives. For me, that would be a a martial arts club. Maybe going to jam sessions, but the problem with that is, well, obvious. Musicians and alcohol mix very well indeed. What are you into that might involve other people, but not drinking? We are social animals. We go bonkers without face to face human contact, that's just a fact.

And congrats on the 57 days

ScottFromWI

What about therapy? Many of us have underlying issues that have nothing to do with our alcoholism. We may have used alcohol to try and escape them, and we may have made the worse by drinking....but simply removing alcohol for the equation is not a solution for them. Anxiety, depression, OCD, etc are all very treatable conditions.

PurpleKnight

Great job on 57 Days!!

The plan is to be Sober, if you are achieving that, no matter what method then that is a success, something must be working to get you to this stage!!

SoberHoopsFan

Congrats on 57 days. If you are in the US, meetup.com is a good way to meet people in your area that are planning sober, (often outdoors) activities. Human contact is important in general, but the fact that you are sober for that long is huge regardless.

biminiblue

AA isn't for everyone.

DO you have any interests? Something you want to try? Horseback riding? Canoeing? Woodworking?

Take some classes involving something that interests you. Geology, botany, marine life, painting. You'll be out and meeting people.

Eddiebuckle

Have you been to a meeting in the past 57 days? Your perspective may be different now. Also, each meeting is different, they are a function of the people in attendance. Go to a different meeting, or if it's been years, you might find a meeting that you initially disliked is actually someplace you enjoy.

Regardless of what outlet you choose to create a support network, understand that you need to be open to others for relationships to take root. Try to withhold judgment before you discount possible alternatives.

Eddiebuckle

Excellent advice. I took classes at our local community college - it was cheap, challenging and I got to know new people with similar interests.

Aellyce

Hi Skywalker - good to see you posting again. Congrats on your sober time!

As for being alone or not, I think it's very much a choice we all have. Also, if we want to have friends, it always starts with meeting people who are initially strangers. What's holding you back from it so much? If you have social anxiety, have you tried getting help and treatment for it? Many people have managed to recover from that and live a much less isolated life. I second Scott's suggestion about therapy. That can be a good way to unleash a lot of your inner life and problems in a very safe way and have someone who knows how to think about personal issues, listen to you. You can even choose between individual therapy and groups. I do individual, just started a few months ago. I tend to enjoy it a lot.

How to meet people? There are hundreds of ways... Do you want recovery-oriented connections? Then of course most straightforward is getting into some type of face-to-face support group. Or just people who have similar interests to yours? Then DO what interests you, and seek out others who do the same. Or just friends with whom you could be close and open about yourself? I think any connection can lead to that, but we need to make the effort ourselves. I personally like to meet people online a lot and get into discussions about shared interests first. See if we have interesting things to tell each-other and if we are compatible in communication. Then maybe meet in person. In this type of approach, an important thing is not getting too carried away in all sorts of fantasies about the virtual partner initially - I learned that the hard way. Just focus on the topic and let it unfold.

Being alone absolutely does not mean any sort of failure. In fact, it can even be good in early recovery, because we don't get very distracted and burdened by other people's problems. But it's better to not remain excessively lonely, especially if you are not happy with it.

Dee74

Not necessarily. I think it will make it harder tho.

I hope you'll warm to some of us and start a little support network for yourself MasterSkywalker

D

soberjuly

Young padawan the force is strong with you...sorry, couldn't resist, huge SW fan here.

But seriously, 57 days!!! You obviously are strong and I know it gets lonely, especially when you sometimes have to end the old life to really escape from alcohol. I'm not surrounded by alcoholics, just moms who have to out-mom everyone. Who's the best mom...it's like a virus.

Anyhow, after the first week detoxing, I resurfaced to a couple - come to my party where I am selling overpriced holistic organic crap - emails. Which I ignored. Because these people don't really care about me and I know it. I am really down to my husband, my 3 kids, one GF who moved to Indiana last summer...the rest are all peripheral friends. I don't have time to spend on time-wasters so I need to branch off and find real friends. I also got rid of Facebook which is really just a brag-fest and full of people who don't really care about me. If I whittled FB down to the people who really cared about me, maybe 10, and then what's the point.

But yes, you must make the effort. Ideally go after your interests and you should meet fellow like-minded people.

A couple days ago, a guy in the Costco parking lot said "cool license plate"...I knew he was like-minded because only a SW fan would get what my license plate means.