not sure i can throw it out ... might need it tomorrow. can i write that?
You can write anything you want! Obviously we will tell you that you don't really need it and it will make things worse...but you probably already know that. I don't judge you at all. I know from living with it that it's not easy to stop. Hell, I drank for 25 years before I managed to quit.
What else is going on in your life? Something specific that lead to the relapse? It seems you had some really good sober time in there- what went wrong?