todayiwill

Hate myself for buying wine last night. I need more control . Today is a new day and I will fight this fight .

ProudDaddy

Every day is another chance to change. Don't be discouraged and DON'T GIVE UP! Remember that you're not alone. We are all here fighting with you.

Taking5

Do you want control? Or do you want to quit? Please let us know.

Mentium

I don't know how you are going about quitting TodayIwill, but a lot of AA members describe the merry-go-round of 'today I will do it' only to find that by the end of 'today' they are in the store buying their surly for the night yet again. I did that time and again, even pouring away gallons of alcohol in te morning only to be doing exactly this later that day.

The 12 Steps approach, which I acknowledge is not for everyone, takes the approach that many of us have no control and accepting that is the first step to recovery. Might be worth thinking about anyway.

Fly N Buy

Had a huge urge myself yesterday, so don't want to sound like know it all. But, I was able to work through it. I reached out on the chat room here and it helped a lot to get me past.

It's a bad feeling to have that hate/shame - But, today is another day. After many years of trying to "control" I found that was the issue - I could not.

What has gotten me to day 48 is going to a lot of AA meetings ( trying 90 in 90 days ) , getting a sponsor, listening to others, developing a sense of spirituality and working steps.

For me, I had to get to that point of truly being willing and desirous of change. Again, it took me a long time however and I still struggle.

Stay hopeful, but please recognize it requires work. You are brave to post this and it shows you want to get help......You're in the right place, but for me much more was required. Will power simply does not work.

Prayers and peace to you,
keep fighting!!!

todayiwill

I want to quit.

desypete

i kept on quitting the drink and would go long spells without a drink, but i just couldnt stay stopped
this went on for years until i was drinking everyday and lost everything i ever loved or owned

no one wanted to know me nor help me as i had no money so didnt have any other option open to me other than aa
i sometimes think thats aa role to be there when people have no other option left but some come in early in fact a lot come in early these days and stop there drinking before they get to my level that i got to

so if you keep on trying and getting no where then have you thought about getting help with it ?
thats all i see aa as is a place to help people who have a drink problem

you dont need to believe in god or anything to come along to an aa meeting give it a try and see what you think there is no commitment of any kind its not a cult or anything like
its just a bunch of drunks who try to help people and themselves stay of the drink

IOAA2

Hi. There are many factors in the desire to stop alcohol intake. In no particular order with many others also: We need to be ready, we need to do this for ourselves, not just for the family, job etc, we need to be honest with ourselves about our drinking, we need to accept that we cannot drink in safety and we will be disciplined in not picking up the first drink.
For many years AA has been my saving grace and it works like many other methods IF WE WORK IT.
It seems that when we start feeling better our AV kicks in and the work is forgotten and replaced by forgetting how bad it was and our thinking process reverts back to consuming alcohol.
As said and is fact alcohol is powerful, cunning and insidious.

Just the facts.

BE WELL

Thepatman

Don't hate yourself, this only grinds at yourself esteem.

Try to learn from this setback. What was your mind set before you proceeded to buy it for example. Maybe next time you could try to analyze the situation, see yourself buying the booze, the feeling you will have the next morning etc. they call it playing the tape to the end.

Flawed

Thepatman is 100% right in the "playing the tape to the end". Wine was my poison as well, and that tape has been my best deterrent. You can do this, it's not easy, but nothing worth having ever is. Keep trying, and keep looking for resources, programs or methods that help you and break that cycle!

IOAA2

When I got sober it was suggested to “REMEMBER WHEN” at moments the desire is present as people don’t remember pains of the past very well.
I also need to remember that alcoholism never gets better by drinking alcohol nor solve anything.

BE WELL

Dee74

Hi todayIwill

for me, what I really needed to do was to accept I had no control at all over my alcohol consumption.

Once I started drinking, I was lost. I gave up my control.

The only way for me to keep control was to not drink alcohol at all.
Not one drop.

D

PurpleKnight

Go at it again, you'll get there!

Fiveyearssober

Dee74 I totally agree with you. I used to think that maybe, someday I would be able to just have a drink every now and then in social settings. Five years into sobriety I know that I can never raise that cup to my lips. I don't have the control to stop myself. I love what Patman said about playing the tape to the end. I have never heard that before now but that is what I have done to stay sober. I envision what could/would happen if I take that drink....my life that I have built would unfurl.....alcohol is not worthy of that!

todayiwill

I will play the tape to the end. Thank you .

Mountainmanbob

Make a firm decision
And build a sober tool belt
MM

hokey

Like others have said, I had to accept that I had no control over alcohol. I will always be an alcoholic, that will never change. I can never drink like normal people, I cannot moderate, I cannot be a "social drinker" ... therefore I cannot drink. The only one I have control over is the first one, after that the control is gone. I cannot pick up that first drink. Not easy and yet so simple.
I, too, attend aa meetings, have a sponsor, and try to work the program to the best of my ability. I come here a lot and read and post. I have 60 days of sobriety by doing these things, one day at a time and not picking up that first drink. You can do this, todayiwill!

Taking5

If you want to quit, you ought to consider AA's approach - there is no fight, we must surrender to alcohol. This is one of the AA paradoxes - we surrender to win.

Nuudawn

Alcohol is essentially my kryptonite. It usurps all authority over my being. It renders me useless...perhaps worse, as I have endangered others under its influence.

Do you need more control or do you need more work or thought to your plan? If this thing was consuming the best of ya (as it was in my case)...you will be left with a lot of life and consciousness you might not know how to handle or what to do with. This is not easy. Sometimes we do not give this process the respect it's due.

Anna

I hope you make the decision that alcohol is no longer an option in your life.

Glad you're back.