AlcoholFree66

I had a night away for work on Thursday night. I took my laptop to log on to SR but forgot my internet connection so couldn't log on.

I finished work on Thursday. To be honest the 'romantic' thoughts of drinking (AV) starting buzzing in my head about lunchtime. I stayed away from home Thursday night and as soon as I finished I really thought about getting a bottle of wine. I forced myself to stall and thought I'd check into my room first.These thoughts were rolling through my head 'The family would not know - I could get away with it - I wouldn't need to admit my slip on SR. But I would know. But I could not feel guilty just this once. But it would start the ball rolling again - it wouldn't be just once.' I checked in but I was still tempted. I allowed the thoughts to really roll around for about for a couple of hours. I nearly caved. Finally I ate my dinner that I'd taken with me from home.

The relief I felt then was enormous. I was on a kind of high for the rest of the evening because I'd remained sober and got into bed early and read my book. I had an enormous sense of relief when I woke the next morning too. My day at work yesterday was good.

The thing is - it is no longer about me thinking I get sneak a quick high. It would not be just the once. I would know and the guilt and remorse would be horrific.

Anna

That's great. You are being true to yourself and that is so important.

Good job!

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through!!

awholenewlife52

Great stuff, AlcoholFree66, well done!

Dee74

I'm glad you got through

I've notice you seem to be doing the 'hard yards' lately tho?

What kinds of things can you add to what you've been doing for your recovery?

D

least

I'm glad you didn't give in.

HockeyGuy

Good job!

Ruby2

Ditto what Dee said. Good job powering through but what can you add? Or subtract, too.

And I think a lot of people really underestimate the impact of eating or not eating has on controlling urges. Our blood sugar drops and our brain goes to the quickest infusion it knew for so long...alcohol.

courage2

Hi AF -- I'm glad you didn't drink. I know that feeling, that urge to sneak in a quick binge when no one (you think) is looking. There's a lot of delusion in those thoughts.

What do you do for support? I know you're on SR -- do you get any face-to-face? Do you have relationships in a daily class on SR, or on the Undies thread? It's important that you take an experience like this seriously. What could you next time to make it easier and happier?

Fiveyearssober

Good for you! You didn't listen to the nasty gremlins I am so happy that you shared your experience. The struggle is so intense sometimes. I am five years sober and every now and then a gremlin will tell me I could probably have just one beer when I'm out with friends from work. No one would know. Then my head clears and I remember that I don't stop at one, I can't. You did an amazing thing and I hope you can feel pride in the strength you showed

AlcoholFree66

Thanks for the feedback. I will really think about what I can add to my 'sobriety tool box' to support my recovery. I know food and blood sugar is huge for me - as soon as I ate food the other night the urge to drink is removed immediately.

courage2

AF, I hope my post didn't seem like it diminished the magnitude of your accomplishment -- you did great to push through a difficult situation sober. I think this is an example of a sober reference -- you now have an internal example of a challenge or obstacle that you succeeded at sober, that you can refer back to and build on. This experience shows how much you want sobriety, and taught you that eating helps -- that's a great tool!

dwtbd

It sounds like you got the biggest and best tool in the kit, and know how to wield it with authority. The hammer that knocks back in the loose nail of "just once" lying. Way to go!

awholenewlife52

I've noticed when I've had sober periods in the past that food and blood sugar is a huge issue for me too. If I can have my dinner at night at a reasonable time, all alcohol cravings go and I have a happy, sober evening. It's something I'm going to remember this time around too.

Well done again, AlcoholFree66.

Lucie29

That is exactly how I relapsed last time after 2 months sober. I was out to dinner with someone who didn't know I quit drinking, or that I am an alcoholic, and I had "a glass of wine". I thought I could get away with it since no one would know. I ended up having a whole bottle that night, and still got away with it. The problem is, I decided to try to get away with it the next night, and the next night, and so on. You can imagine where this ended up. For me, one glass of wine is never enough, and one night out is never enough. Good for you for not caving when no one was looking, because it sparks a fire that is hard to put out once lit.

hall65

I know how you feel, im on day 19 and i have felt exactly the same today, its the first time ive felt i may give in to temptation, ive managed not to drink and im hoping tomorrow will be an easier day. It is a constant battle, i just dont want to go back to drinking ,well done on remaining sober

AlcoholFree66

Thanks all for your helpful and supportive responses. Courage that's exactly how I took your first post - thank you. I so want sobriety and I really appreciate your support. Constructive feedback is awesome. Lucie I couldn't agree more with your comments - I'm so glad that I was able to be honest enough with myself to consider just this last Thursday night.
Off for a morning swim with my daughter now - how delicious!

Ren1love

I feel the same way. I couldve gotten away with drinking plenty of times, no one would know but me....But the guilt would kill me. I have a board where i write dashes on for each day im sober. Everyday at some point i look forward to putting that dash down. Silly i know. but its really important to me. Awesome job from staying away from the drink.