Going to a neighbour for a Bbq night - need support :-(
 

Friday afternoon here, in an hour I am going over to the next door neighbour for a family bbq. I now this is going to be the first really tough test of my determination :(
They don't know that I try to give up drinking and I definately don't want them to know of mybproblems. The husband in our neighbour family is somekind of a drinking friend to me also, that is why I know this is going to be hard. I cant blame not drinking on driving either.
wish me good luck, he aways buys some nice beer for us :cries3:

If it was early days of sobriety for me I would not go. Avoiding temptation especially early on was critical for me. If you do go you don't have to tell everyone your business, just say you're not drinking tonight.Put your sobriety first

Oh dear. Maybe just start drinking sodas there and if they offer a drink say, maybe later, it's early for me. Maybe they will get the hint that you don't want/feel like drinking. Or go to the bathroom, dump it out and fill it with tap water from the sink if it's doable with the bottle/can.

Don't go. Too early in sobriety. It's ok to say no. :)

Think how good you'll feel waking up Saturday morning knowing you did not choose to drink!

Clean pipe. I am in the same place as you. Sometimes it is pretty awkward to not show up at something. Soberjuly has a good suggestion to take a drink to not draw attention to yourself. The hard part is to have that drink in your hand and not take a drink of it, especially in early sobriety. Right now I am using the excuse (but true) that I am dieting and getting in shape.

If it gets too much, pop back home and get on here for a bit. Keep playing the tape forward to tomo, you are going to feel amazing that you stayed sober. Stay strong!!

I disagree with taking an alcoholic drink in hand to pretend you're drinking. It's easy for it to be topped up .At the end of the day there is no shame in NOT drinking and no shame in saying you are not drinking. you don't need to tell everyone your business, just say no

Pretending to drink, lying -to me it's just lying to yourself and pretending to be someone you're not. For me getting sober wasn't just stopping drinking but learning how to be honest and true with myself and stopping pretending to be someone I wasn't

If it were me, I likely wouldn't go if the temptation was too high and I was just going to be miserable. But I also understand not wanting to be left out of everything social. Having a bottle of water in my hand at all times has helped, Ive also said "im on a cleanse", or "im on medication that interacts with alcohol", or just a casual and simple, "no thanks, Im good for now!".
Hope you stay strong :)

OH, boy...go over, say hello --when offered a alcoholic bev simply say your stomach is bothering you, do you have a ginger ale or similar to settle my stomach? Then eat very lightly and excuse yourself, you have to lie down/bathroom/etc...

I agree with Ready. I have been in the same situation several times. One was last week where three friends were having some drinks; two alcoholics and one normal drinker. When offered a drink, i just said no thanks. Nothing was brought of it at all and i enjoyed the conversation without having a drop of alcohol. felt great that night and the next day that I just said "no thanks" and we moved on. None of the three i was with knows anything about my addiction btw.

Tough situation that you should handle which ever way that will keep you from drinking. Don't go if that is what it takes, chime in here to SR on breaks from the BBQ often, or go and simply don't dwell on the fact that you are not drinking and more than likely no one else will either.

Good luck!

I am just over a month sober (sigh..again). Tomorrow night I am attending a birthday pool party of a longtime friend. It's a middle aged chick sleepover..yes, seriously. I have known all these gals since high school. Two of us are currently sober (my other sober gal pal just got out of rehab). When I advised the birthday girl that "two of us" will be sober, she said "what does that mean?". I kind of chuckled and said "well, that means we won't be drinking hon". She then chuckled at her own comment. There was a pause...then she said "well, don't judge me okay". I assured her we would not.

I am planning on taking a cooler of stuff I like to drink like these mini Perrier cans in grapefruit and lime flavour..as well as some other stuff. If you're not strong enough to say "not drinking these days"...are you strong enough to go?

Don't be ashamed of not drinking alcohol. It is only a beverage there are plenty of alternatives. Be proud and focused on what you are trying to accomplish and enjoy eating BBQ.

Bring a 6 pack of non-alcoholic ginger beer or favorite non-alcoholic drink of choice, that way you can be assured of having a drink you enjoy.

And if it gets too difficult, check out early and get a good nights sleep and look forward to a productive Saturday.

I'm at day 69 and have been to a few such events. Once I accepted that I could have a good time without drinking, I just enjoyed the good time.

"I'm not drinking this evening" . . . that's all you need to say, you don't need to get into anything else!!

Thanks to everyone! I qont have time to answer everone righ now since this bbq is right next door at my next door neighbours place. Our kids and wives are there and I just excused myself daying that I had to make a call. I just checked all replies and they really mean much to me! The hardest thing is not excusing myself for not drinking but that those coold beers are looking so damn good! ; ( I will hate myself if I drink one and my wife will be pissed at me but still every cell in my body screams that I want one of those cold beers! Damn I am going ceazy but I havent caved in. I think of how great I will feel tomorrow if I dont drink now but it still is hard. 13 days sober today and it feels like this is the big test..
will reply later tonight when I am home again.
thanks all again!

Sorry for my spelling. As a non native English speaker writing on my cell its easy to get the words wrong.

I see two sad smileys in your original post and only read about some underlying "obligation" and no enthusiasm as in: Yeah, we are going to BBQ and my neighbors can grill a mean rib eye and they are wonderful people with whom I have deep, fascinating conversations.
Obviously you don't feel like going deep inside so don't go :)
No thank you is a complete sentence you know. You don't owe them the pleasure of your presence which actually might end up quite unpleasant if you are craving a drink and being a sour puss or even worst pick up a drink and end up making a jackass of yourself.

I think you should seriously reconsider going back. There are so many alarm bells in your posts. You don't have to go and you certainly don't need to 'test' yourself at 13 days sober. Be kind to yourself and avoid this stress and pressure

Congrats on 13 days sober btw :)

You can do this!!! I havent been in a situation like that yet and I'm terrified.I know I will have to face one. Just gotta keep the faith in yourself. I'd love to hear how you get through it. You can be an inspiration to all of us. Sending good vibes your way!!

Let us know tomorrow.