Posting just to post
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Posting just to post
Hi Everyone,
Posting here b/c I just really feel like I need to. Not doing so well. After reaching for that first drink a week ago, I'm back to daily drinking and hating it. Yesterday, I actually stopped mid drink and poured it and the rest of the bottle down the drain.
I feel nothing good about the drinking....I honestly just am doing it to make myself NOT feel sick and shaky. Sleep has been awful.
Today I leave for a 3 day weekend in NYC. I REALLY wish this weekend was coming in a few weeks instead of now. Until that first retched drink a week ago, I was really looking forward to this weekend and being able to enjoy dinners, shows, and other things totally sober. I am still planning on doing that but it would just be easier with a few weeks of sobriety under my belt. Not to mention, I'm just constantly tired from not being able to sleep properly (hence being up since 4am today).
I don't know what I'm asking here. I'm just posting b/c its always helpful to me.
Posting here b/c I just really feel like I need to. Not doing so well. After reaching for that first drink a week ago, I'm back to daily drinking and hating it. Yesterday, I actually stopped mid drink and poured it and the rest of the bottle down the drain.
I feel nothing good about the drinking....I honestly just am doing it to make myself NOT feel sick and shaky. Sleep has been awful.
Today I leave for a 3 day weekend in NYC. I REALLY wish this weekend was coming in a few weeks instead of now. Until that first retched drink a week ago, I was really looking forward to this weekend and being able to enjoy dinners, shows, and other things totally sober. I am still planning on doing that but it would just be easier with a few weeks of sobriety under my belt. Not to mention, I'm just constantly tired from not being able to sleep properly (hence being up since 4am today).
I don't know what I'm asking here. I'm just posting b/c its always helpful to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
If you can, try to live in the moment while you are on your weekend. Savor each show and dinner as a one time thing. If you can relax and live just for that few hours, the time will be more enjoyable.
I know it is hard to do. It is something I am learning to do as well, but I have found that when I can do this, I not only enjoy myself but I can hang on to those good times.
I can look back and say "I enjoyed that" rather then what I used to do which was "Yeah , that was fun but what about this or this or that or...." It was never ending the negative I could bring to the table in even the best of times.
I know it is hard to do. It is something I am learning to do as well, but I have found that when I can do this, I not only enjoy myself but I can hang on to those good times.
I can look back and say "I enjoyed that" rather then what I used to do which was "Yeah , that was fun but what about this or this or that or...." It was never ending the negative I could bring to the table in even the best of times.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Lola, posting and reaching out for support is always a positive thing!! 
You somehow need to break the cycle of drinking/hangover, the withdrawals will last for a while, but then you don't have to go back there ever again!!
You can do this!!
You somehow need to break the cycle of drinking/hangover, the withdrawals will last for a while, but then you don't have to go back there ever again!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Know where youre coming from. I got to the point where i would have to have a shot in the morning just to stop vomiting. Quitting is something that has to be done. You have what it takes. Can read it in your post.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Hi Lola, I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing all the pain and suffering that comes along with our addiction. I know for me it took absolutely accepting the fact that I had this disease of addiction before I could really take some serious actions towards getting help. I know for a fact I could NEVER quit on my own! Not sure how you feel about AA, but it really saved my life and if I ever start feeling down or like isolating I just go to a meeting and something about being in a room with other people 'like me' just makes everything feel so much better and puts it all into perspective. I bet there are some awesome AA meetings in NYC and I know they would help you feel more at ease : )
You can do this! Everything in my life is so much more enjoyable now that I'm sober!!!
Enjoy your trip!
You can do this! Everything in my life is so much more enjoyable now that I'm sober!!!
Enjoy your trip!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Lola23 
I feel nothing good about the drinking....I honestly just am doing it to make myself NOT feel sick and shaky. Sleep has been awful.
The good news is that you don't have to be there, it's a simple choice you can make. There is really nothing stopping you from saying that TODAY is the day that you quit. You could postpone your trip and make a promise to yourself that starting today, your sobriety is the most important thing in your life. And then work on a plan to get there, a little bit each day. It's simply a choice that is 100% yours - simple but not EASY.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Thanks for posting. I too understand the drinking just to feel kinda "normal", not because I really really want to or craved it at the time. Great job pouring the rest out! Ive done it before and its hard...and then ive often replaced it (aaarrrg). And then id go 2 or 3 days, begin to feel better and the cycle would continue.
I had to really really want it, and make a SOLID plan. Melatonin and valerian helped me with the insomnia.
You can do it! Many others have.
I had to really really want it, and make a SOLID plan. Melatonin and valerian helped me with the insomnia.
You can do it! Many others have.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Lola23
So I'm on Day 3 today.
But here's the thing that I realized once I did get up and was getting in the shower. I didn't want to lay in bed b/c my head was aching. Or that I felt like vomiting. I didn't lay there with a pit in my stomach thinking "ugh, did I text him last night...again". I didn't want to stay in bed b/c I was afraid of going into the kitchen and seeing whether I did in fact finish that bottle of vodka or 2nd bottle of wine (almost always...yes). I didn't need to stay in bed b/c I had woken up at 3am with my heart racing. I didn't want to stay sleeping to not face the day and or my own face in the mirror.
No, I wanted to stay in bed this morning b/c the sheets felt so soft. Were they always this soft?
I wanted to stay in bed and watch the sun come streaming across my bedroom.
I wanted to stay in bed b/c my kitty was laying at my feet, curled up contently in a ball.
I wanted to stay in bed b/c I didn't thrash around all night and when I looked down across my bed it still looked perfectly made, I was just in it (I don't know why I love that, but I do and it makes me smile).
But here's the thing that I realized once I did get up and was getting in the shower. I didn't want to lay in bed b/c my head was aching. Or that I felt like vomiting. I didn't lay there with a pit in my stomach thinking "ugh, did I text him last night...again". I didn't want to stay in bed b/c I was afraid of going into the kitchen and seeing whether I did in fact finish that bottle of vodka or 2nd bottle of wine (almost always...yes). I didn't need to stay in bed b/c I had woken up at 3am with my heart racing. I didn't want to stay sleeping to not face the day and or my own face in the mirror.
No, I wanted to stay in bed this morning b/c the sheets felt so soft. Were they always this soft?
I wanted to stay in bed and watch the sun come streaming across my bedroom.
I wanted to stay in bed b/c my kitty was laying at my feet, curled up contently in a ball.
I wanted to stay in bed b/c I didn't thrash around all night and when I looked down across my bed it still looked perfectly made, I was just in it (I don't know why I love that, but I do and it makes me smile).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Look at the trip as an opportunity to step out of your situation and enjoy
new stimulation and activities.
You are sober now, and you will feel better.
Enjoy your weekend and those crisp hotel sheets
(I am a bed linen / comfy bed person too).
Keep posting if tempted--
new stimulation and activities.
You are sober now, and you will feel better.
Enjoy your weekend and those crisp hotel sheets
(I am a bed linen / comfy bed person too).
Keep posting if tempted--
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Thanks everyone. I'm always a little worried to be annoying with the 'I messed up and am frustrated' posts. I should know better with you folks, I appreciate the support.
I am going go to just take this weekend day by day, hour by hour. And enjoy myself. I really need a break from work and I'm not going to let this short break be ruined.
Nuudawn - thanks for that reminder.
I'll keep posting
I am going go to just take this weekend day by day, hour by hour. And enjoy myself. I really need a break from work and I'm not going to let this short break be ruined.
Nuudawn - thanks for that reminder.
I'll keep posting
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by Lola23
Thanks everyone. I'm always a little worried to be annoying with the 'I messed up and am frustrated' posts. I should know better with you folks, I appreciate the support.
I am going go to just take this weekend day by day, hour by hour. And enjoy myself. I really need a break from work and I'm not going to let this short break be ruined.
Nuudawn - thanks for that reminder.
I'll keep posting
I am going go to just take this weekend day by day, hour by hour. And enjoy myself. I really need a break from work and I'm not going to let this short break be ruined.
Nuudawn - thanks for that reminder.
I'll keep posting
You can do this, please stay strong!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
Just because you're going away doesn't mean that you'll have to drink.
You can return from this trip fairly rested or hungover and anxious.
I know, easier said than done. I've had many chances for potentially restful weekends
turn into nightmare Monday morning hangovers. Nothing but regret.
Three nights of sober sleep works wonders.
Think of how much better you'll feel come Monday.
By the way, thanks for that post! It gave me flashbacks.
I wish I could say from a long time ago, but I'm still working on it.
You can return from this trip fairly rested or hungover and anxious.
I know, easier said than done. I've had many chances for potentially restful weekends
turn into nightmare Monday morning hangovers. Nothing but regret.
Three nights of sober sleep works wonders.
Think of how much better you'll feel come Monday.
By the way, thanks for that post! It gave me flashbacks.
I wish I could say from a long time ago, but I'm still working on it.
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