Major aha moment at 6.5 months sober
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Major aha moment at 6.5 months sober
It's been a real roller coaster emotionally. This hasn't been a straight line. So, I've been struggling a lot mentally on the weekends. This is because to this point, I've not changed my social environment on the weekends. I don't drink now, and not in the last 6.5 months, but I've continued to hang out with the same group of heavy drinkers and self-proclaimed alcoholics.
At first, early on, I was so relieved not to be drinking and hungover and sick anymore, that it didn't bother me in the slightest to be hanging out with the same old crowd. The past couple of months though, now that I've gotten some distance from the shame, anxiety and horror! I've found myself really, really, really resentful of other people drinking. I've been jealous of them, and so angry and irritated by them. I find when I'm not in that environment, that I honestly have ZERO desire to drink.
So, even though along the way, I've done other non-drinking activities...and I've experienced that relief from the craving, and actually had real, honest to god fun, I've always returned to the drinking crowd/environment. Last weekend, I decided for the first time, not to be with the drinkers not because "I shouldn't", but because I actually DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. I didn't want to scream over ****** music to have non-conversations with people who are so drunk they are clearly blacking out/distracted/screaming over each other, etc. it's just draining and a pain in my butt, and such a waste of time. Instead, I had an awesome weekend doing things I wanted to do. For me. One of which was napping...delicious! It then occurred to me for the first time (honestly, I know it sounds stupid, but it's true), that I don't have to make myself miserable by staying in the old environment. Had I not stayed sober through the anger and resentment, I would've missed the opportunity of having this realization and learning this lesson. This lesson that has now opened a new door for me, and will make my life so much more enjoyable. I needed to go through all that irritation to come out the other side and see the light on this issue.
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
At first, early on, I was so relieved not to be drinking and hungover and sick anymore, that it didn't bother me in the slightest to be hanging out with the same old crowd. The past couple of months though, now that I've gotten some distance from the shame, anxiety and horror! I've found myself really, really, really resentful of other people drinking. I've been jealous of them, and so angry and irritated by them. I find when I'm not in that environment, that I honestly have ZERO desire to drink.
So, even though along the way, I've done other non-drinking activities...and I've experienced that relief from the craving, and actually had real, honest to god fun, I've always returned to the drinking crowd/environment. Last weekend, I decided for the first time, not to be with the drinkers not because "I shouldn't", but because I actually DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. I didn't want to scream over ****** music to have non-conversations with people who are so drunk they are clearly blacking out/distracted/screaming over each other, etc. it's just draining and a pain in my butt, and such a waste of time. Instead, I had an awesome weekend doing things I wanted to do. For me. One of which was napping...delicious! It then occurred to me for the first time (honestly, I know it sounds stupid, but it's true), that I don't have to make myself miserable by staying in the old environment. Had I not stayed sober through the anger and resentment, I would've missed the opportunity of having this realization and learning this lesson. This lesson that has now opened a new door for me, and will make my life so much more enjoyable. I needed to go through all that irritation to come out the other side and see the light on this issue.
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by SillyString 
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin.
Sounds like a great experience and you're in a wonderful place now, enjoy!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Great post! I experienced what you described back when I used to hang out with drinking "buddies" every weekend. Those weekends progressively started earlier, and ended later, in the week. I got so sick of that crowd and that scene and, for some time, it actually helped me make a decision to stay sober.
But then I developed the damnable habit of drinking alone. That phase dragged on even longer - agonizingly longer - but the end result of that was that I got sick of hanging around myself, too!
But then I developed the damnable habit of drinking alone. That phase dragged on even longer - agonizingly longer - but the end result of that was that I got sick of hanging around myself, too!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by SillyString
It's been a real roller coaster emotionally. This hasn't been a straight line. So, I've been struggling a lot mentally on the weekends. This is because to this point, I've not changed my social environment on the weekends. I don't drink now, and not in the last 6.5 months, but I've continued to hang out with the same group of heavy drinkers and self-proclaimed alcoholics.
At first, early on, I was so relieved not to be drinking and hungover and sick anymore, that it didn't bother me in the slightest to be hanging out with the same old crowd. The past couple of months though, now that I've gotten some distance from the shame, anxiety and horror! I've found myself really, really, really resentful of other people drinking. I've been jealous of them, and so angry and irritated by them. I find when I'm not in that environment, that I honestly have ZERO desire to drink.
So, even though along the way, I've done other non-drinking activities...and I've experienced that relief from the craving, and actually had real, honest to god fun, I've always returned to the drinking crowd/environment. Last weekend, I decided for the first time, not to be with the drinkers not because "I shouldn't", but because I actually DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. I didn't want to scream over ****** music to have non-conversations with people who are so drunk they are clearly blacking out/distracted/screaming over each other, etc. it's just draining and a pain in my butt, and such a waste of time. Instead, I had an awesome weekend doing things I wanted to do. For me. One of which was napping...delicious! It then occurred to me for the first time (honestly, I know it sounds stupid, but it's true), that I don't have to make myself miserable by staying in the old environment. Had I not stayed sober through the anger and resentment, I would've missed the opportunity of having this realization and learning this lesson. This lesson that has now opened a new door for me, and will make my life so much more enjoyable. I needed to go through all that irritation to come out the other side and see the light on this issue.
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
At first, early on, I was so relieved not to be drinking and hungover and sick anymore, that it didn't bother me in the slightest to be hanging out with the same old crowd. The past couple of months though, now that I've gotten some distance from the shame, anxiety and horror! I've found myself really, really, really resentful of other people drinking. I've been jealous of them, and so angry and irritated by them. I find when I'm not in that environment, that I honestly have ZERO desire to drink.
So, even though along the way, I've done other non-drinking activities...and I've experienced that relief from the craving, and actually had real, honest to god fun, I've always returned to the drinking crowd/environment. Last weekend, I decided for the first time, not to be with the drinkers not because "I shouldn't", but because I actually DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. I didn't want to scream over ****** music to have non-conversations with people who are so drunk they are clearly blacking out/distracted/screaming over each other, etc. it's just draining and a pain in my butt, and such a waste of time. Instead, I had an awesome weekend doing things I wanted to do. For me. One of which was napping...delicious! It then occurred to me for the first time (honestly, I know it sounds stupid, but it's true), that I don't have to make myself miserable by staying in the old environment. Had I not stayed sober through the anger and resentment, I would've missed the opportunity of having this realization and learning this lesson. This lesson that has now opened a new door for me, and will make my life so much more enjoyable. I needed to go through all that irritation to come out the other side and see the light on this issue.
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
The world is filled with people, places and things that can be both stimulating and sustaining for us. All we need to do is be open to them so that they'll be open to us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by SillyString
...I decided for the first time, not to be with the drinkers not because "I shouldn't", but because I actually DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. I didn't want to scream over ****** music to have non-conversations with people who are so drunk they are clearly blacking out/distracted/screaming over each other, etc. it's just draining and a pain in my butt, and such a waste of time. Instead, I had an awesome weekend doing things I wanted to do....
I think this is what recovery is about. It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE. I think I honestly forgot what it was like to experience true fun and joy. I just tasted it again, and it feels amazing.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
WOW - YOU SAID IT!!!! I'm at right about the same point as you are - it's 209 days for me today - and have basically been having the same recognition. While I still from time to time experience the nagging old ache of the AV complaining mildly about missing the romantic illusion of booze; mostly I am just FREE. Free to live and experience life and not spent it in a wasteful cycle of the same old crap.
GOOD things are happening and I'm able to see them and celebrate and be grateful for them. When challenging things happen, I'm able to see the lesson in them and be aware and faithful that they will pass and it will all be OK. I don't wake and walk in shame. I don't loathe myself in secrecy. I feel better and better about who I am and when I find myself in drinking surroundings, I observe it more with an odd curiosity "how is it that I found that 'fun'"? WHY do people even do this?
I'm happy for you, and I'm grateful you shared this. It helped me reaffirm my own experience and choice. Thank you for helping me stay sober today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by SillyString
It's not "just" about not drinking. It's about learning new ways to live your life to get true pleasure out of it, to be happy in your skin. To learn that's it's Not only OKAY, but preferable, to get off the hamster wheel, the endless loop and do something ELSE.
Just remember if times get tough the same attitude applies. "It is about learning a new way to live".
We do not have to escape any more for fun nor from pain. We get to live one day at a time, one moment at a time and experience life as it should be, not as we should have it to be.
I am free now that I have stopped trying to control!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Happy. joyous and free! Frankly, I am impressed you made it through that roadblock of still hanging with drunks in bars! NO WAY I could have done that.....tried it in the past.
Sounds like you have incredible will and desire! How is your support group?? For me that is truly the key.
peace
Sounds like you have incredible will and desire! How is your support group?? For me that is truly the key.
peace
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Originally Posted by SillyString
It's been a real roller coaster emotionally.
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
If you're struggling, please hang on. I promise it not only gets easier, but it gets AWESOME.
Thanks!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Your post really sums up what happens down the road of recovery.
I can't even go to my old crowd's drunken parties anymore.
I don't want to.
I'd rather hike in the forest, make a big brunch with my husband,
or dig in the garden.
Or, like you said, just nap or maybe write in my journal and read a book.
Life is so much better and happier sober.
It truly is
I can't even go to my old crowd's drunken parties anymore.
I don't want to.
I'd rather hike in the forest, make a big brunch with my husband,
or dig in the garden.
Or, like you said, just nap or maybe write in my journal and read a book.
Life is so much better and happier sober.
It truly is
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Thanks so much everyone for your positive and validating feedback!
Flynbuy - pretty much the ONLY thing that stopped me from drinking in that environment was a promise, one of those "this is it" promises that I made to my husband. I'm not an AA person, but you could think of that promise I made as my "higher power" - the thing I leaned on when I was sorely, sorely tempted. And tempted I was. At one point, I had a beer in my hand, not open - but in my hand, with some kind of intent brewing in my mind, and already the mental gymnastics fully in play - "How can I justify this if I do it? Can I hide it? Will he smell it?" Oddly - in that moment, when I was very, very close to losing it, I was feeling like this same promise was an anchor around my neck. This promise was doing it for HIM, because of what he wants, not me...I'm not a CHILD after all," and on and on. I was throwing a bit of a mental tantrum. But, if I'm being perfectly honest, I realized that I certainly COULD choose to open and drink/sneak that beer, but did I really, truly WANT to? Forget what he wants/doesn't want. Forget the damn promise. Did I really, REALLY WANT to throw away the 6 months? Did I want to hate myself again in the blink of an eye? Did I want to have something to hide again? The answer was, "Well, I'm not sure about all that"...then it was, "No, no I do not want that." I put the beer back where it came from, unopened. This all transpired in about a half hour's time.
The pattern I'm seeing here is the realization of the fact that this in fact MY CHOICE to continue being sober. It's MY CHOICE to spend time in a way that's fun for me. I guess I really didn't know that I could do that before. And again, I know that sounds ridiculous - but I was so "programmed" to follow a certain script, that I kept blindly doing it. And while drinking, I couldn't clearly examine it. I mean, I had a vague sense that this is what I was doing - but after 24 years of drinking every weekend to massive excess, I was too close to the forest to see the trees, if that makes sense. I was also conveniently very distracted by my 3 day hangovers, and paralyzing anxiety. It was only through the change in perspective from the last 6.5 sober months that I have been able to begin to scratch the surface here.
Now - having said all this, I fully expect that I will go 1 step back to the 2 steps forward - based on the ups and downs of the first 6.5 months...back and forth in my head depending on triggers, HALT, etc. But that's ok. I've kept my mind and body clear of alcohol for 6.5 months - which is priority #1, then working on the mental/intellectual/social aspects are a work in progress. Probably always will be - but that's ok! I don't have to be perfect in every thought pattern. I just need to not drink. The rest will work itself out with time and attention.
Oh - and I still LOVE waking up without a hangover. Never gets old. Waking up in clean crisp sheets, feeling good is one of the best feelings in the world, and I am so grateful for it. Also - now that I have 6.5 months...all that CRAP I did/said/felt is disappearing further and further into my rear view mirror. I'm not nervous around people anymore, because the last time I blacked out was half a year ago!
To the person that asked about my support system - this is it. SR.
Flynbuy - pretty much the ONLY thing that stopped me from drinking in that environment was a promise, one of those "this is it" promises that I made to my husband. I'm not an AA person, but you could think of that promise I made as my "higher power" - the thing I leaned on when I was sorely, sorely tempted. And tempted I was. At one point, I had a beer in my hand, not open - but in my hand, with some kind of intent brewing in my mind, and already the mental gymnastics fully in play - "How can I justify this if I do it? Can I hide it? Will he smell it?" Oddly - in that moment, when I was very, very close to losing it, I was feeling like this same promise was an anchor around my neck. This promise was doing it for HIM, because of what he wants, not me...I'm not a CHILD after all," and on and on. I was throwing a bit of a mental tantrum. But, if I'm being perfectly honest, I realized that I certainly COULD choose to open and drink/sneak that beer, but did I really, truly WANT to? Forget what he wants/doesn't want. Forget the damn promise. Did I really, REALLY WANT to throw away the 6 months? Did I want to hate myself again in the blink of an eye? Did I want to have something to hide again? The answer was, "Well, I'm not sure about all that"...then it was, "No, no I do not want that." I put the beer back where it came from, unopened. This all transpired in about a half hour's time.
The pattern I'm seeing here is the realization of the fact that this in fact MY CHOICE to continue being sober. It's MY CHOICE to spend time in a way that's fun for me. I guess I really didn't know that I could do that before. And again, I know that sounds ridiculous - but I was so "programmed" to follow a certain script, that I kept blindly doing it. And while drinking, I couldn't clearly examine it. I mean, I had a vague sense that this is what I was doing - but after 24 years of drinking every weekend to massive excess, I was too close to the forest to see the trees, if that makes sense. I was also conveniently very distracted by my 3 day hangovers, and paralyzing anxiety. It was only through the change in perspective from the last 6.5 sober months that I have been able to begin to scratch the surface here.
Now - having said all this, I fully expect that I will go 1 step back to the 2 steps forward - based on the ups and downs of the first 6.5 months...back and forth in my head depending on triggers, HALT, etc. But that's ok. I've kept my mind and body clear of alcohol for 6.5 months - which is priority #1, then working on the mental/intellectual/social aspects are a work in progress. Probably always will be - but that's ok! I don't have to be perfect in every thought pattern. I just need to not drink. The rest will work itself out with time and attention.
Oh - and I still LOVE waking up without a hangover. Never gets old. Waking up in clean crisp sheets, feeling good is one of the best feelings in the world, and I am so grateful for it. Also - now that I have 6.5 months...all that CRAP I did/said/felt is disappearing further and further into my rear view mirror. I'm not nervous around people anymore, because the last time I blacked out was half a year ago!
To the person that asked about my support system - this is it. SR.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Wow, I just read this post. How timely! Tonight I told wife that I have no desire to go out with my neighbors on another drunk night to be their babysitter. I had to experience it last weekend. I had the same revelation as SillyString. I was okay being in that environment, but the yelling over nothing because the music was so loud. It was definitely something to experience. Half way through the night I was just observing people and thinking that this used to be me.
Seeing people "dancing" to music I wasn't hearing. Having another drink just because it wasn't last call yet again.
Seeing people "dancing" to music I wasn't hearing.
Having another drink just because it wasn't last call yet again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: California
Posts: 25
Thank you for this. I just got off the boat, we spent the day on the river and I was just starting to get sad that I can't have a cold one like everyone else. I jumped right on here to get a pep talk & all these post helped so much. Only day 4 .....
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