dangerously close to a relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 714
dangerously close to a relapse
I'm sober for almost 6 months. My drug of choice is pot.
Well, I'm very close to picking up the phone and asking for some weed.
Pot is only a few block from here. I just have to make one phone call.
In fact the thing is stopping me is my pride. I don't want to ask anyone for pot as I told everyone I was going to quit. And I went away from all my friends in order to quit.
Apart from my pride, at this moment I forgot all the reasons that made me quit. All I can think is things like "only today", "I deserve to have some fun", and other sort of stupidities. I know it's my mind tricking me, but I kind of don't care.
I probably won't do it, and just binge eating to deal with my anxiety, like I've always done. It's more likely I will die from food than from any other addiction, but what the hell. Well, that's how ridiculous I am.
Well, I'm very close to picking up the phone and asking for some weed.
Pot is only a few block from here. I just have to make one phone call.
In fact the thing is stopping me is my pride. I don't want to ask anyone for pot as I told everyone I was going to quit. And I went away from all my friends in order to quit.
Apart from my pride, at this moment I forgot all the reasons that made me quit. All I can think is things like "only today", "I deserve to have some fun", and other sort of stupidities. I know it's my mind tricking me, but I kind of don't care.
I probably won't do it, and just binge eating to deal with my anxiety, like I've always done. It's more likely I will die from food than from any other addiction, but what the hell. Well, that's how ridiculous I am.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I'd say do something to keep busy until the urge passes. Distract yourself somehow. Maybe call a sober friend and go out for coffee or dinner. Keep posting on the reasons why you quit . 6 months is amazing and you're shown yourself that you can do it. I bet you'd regret it if you used today. Hang in there braziliN.you can resist, and you will be happy you did.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's not worth it, all those thoughts your mind is telling you are myths, starting back on Day 1 after 6 months for the sake of a perceived fun that won't even happen isn't worth it!!
Any chance of clearing your head with some fresh air, the thoughts will subside, you just need to hang in there!!
Any chance of clearing your head with some fresh air, the thoughts will subside, you just need to hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 64
nearly six months is phenomenal. that feeling of pride is deserved. enjoy it!
the thing, for me, about using pot is that eventually, i have to come down. i can't be high 24hrs a day, it's impossible. so the kind of craving you are facing is guaranteed to return with a vengeance if you start smoking again. smoking will only temporarily prevent craving. its like being thirsty and drinking seawater.
alternatively, you can choose to honor and enjoy your achievement, almost six months without using. the cravings will pass, and, in my experience, in time they will reduce dramatically in frequency and intensity.
the thing, for me, about using pot is that eventually, i have to come down. i can't be high 24hrs a day, it's impossible. so the kind of craving you are facing is guaranteed to return with a vengeance if you start smoking again. smoking will only temporarily prevent craving. its like being thirsty and drinking seawater.
alternatively, you can choose to honor and enjoy your achievement, almost six months without using. the cravings will pass, and, in my experience, in time they will reduce dramatically in frequency and intensity.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Don't go for a couple hours buzz after 6 months of hard work! I'm also 6 months alcohol-free, and even the thought of picking up again terrifies me. Think about how you would feel tomorrow. Satisfy your munchies with food and skip the pot! 
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
I always went back because I wanted to more than I wanted NOT to. What are you doing (A PLAN that you follow) to keep the balance on the NOT to side? For me, I have to work daily to follow a plan of action that keeps me well away (not necessarily physically) from using. I made my plan back in the beginning over 5 years ago and I still follow it to this day.
Glad you are here.
Glad you are here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Hi Brazillian
carls right - you'll never forgive yourself and probably beat yourself into the ground if you smoke again.
You've done amazingly well over 6 months. You've proved you don't need pot - now you need to prove that you can have fun develop friendships and be happy sober....and find positive life affirming ways to deal with anxiety and whatever else is bothering you.
seeing your Dr might help, or a counsellor, or some kind of real life support group?
D
carls right - you'll never forgive yourself and probably beat yourself into the ground if you smoke again.
You've done amazingly well over 6 months. You've proved you don't need pot - now you need to prove that you can have fun develop friendships and be happy sober....and find positive life affirming ways to deal with anxiety and whatever else is bothering you.
seeing your Dr might help, or a counsellor, or some kind of real life support group?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 714
thanks everyone for the support
thanks Dee
man , I have my wife and my dogs, and that's it, I'm glad for that
and I do see a therapist, which brings me a slow improvement on anxiety
no friends no nothing, and that's the way it is, I accept it
being happy and all, is a little too much to ask, but being sober sure is possible
thanks everyone, tough moment here, but it shall pass
thanks Dee
man , I have my wife and my dogs, and that's it, I'm glad for that
and I do see a therapist, which brings me a slow improvement on anxiety
no friends no nothing, and that's the way it is, I accept it
being happy and all, is a little too much to ask, but being sober sure is possible
thanks everyone, tough moment here, but it shall pass
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by brazilian 
I probably won't do it, and just binge eating to deal with my anxiety, like I've always done.
I "binged" on food last night....not doing that again (chips, chocolate bars and candy). Moments from now, I'm changing clothes and going for a run with my Ipod. I'm not "feeling it" but I'm doing it anyway! I need some dopamine hits..and I think that's a better way to handle the "void" I'm currently feeling.
Please don't give in to the "same ole, same ole" way of 'dealing". Think about alternatives...PLEASE. 6 months is a lot of work to throw away my friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 714
I thank you all for the support, it really helped.
All ended well yesterday, feeling better today. Probably was just PAWS.
About an advice I received "maybe you should see you doctor", well it's a standard common sense and harmless advice, but really ... what should we expect to get from a doctor? All they do is prescribe aspirines, tylenols, advils, or other far more dangerous drugs ... well if I'm recovering and detoxing I just don't see how it could help me!!! LOL
Some time ago I posted here an article about orthomolecular treatment for alcoholism, and my post was deleted by an administrator, who accused me from making advertisement (???). The article had no commercial means whatsoever, was a scientific text. The way I see I was doing a favor, contributing, helping.
You do the math and take your own conclusions.
thanks all
All ended well yesterday, feeling better today. Probably was just PAWS.
About an advice I received "maybe you should see you doctor", well it's a standard common sense and harmless advice, but really ... what should we expect to get from a doctor? All they do is prescribe aspirines, tylenols, advils, or other far more dangerous drugs ... well if I'm recovering and detoxing I just don't see how it could help me!!! LOL
Some time ago I posted here an article about orthomolecular treatment for alcoholism, and my post was deleted by an administrator, who accused me from making advertisement (???). The article had no commercial means whatsoever, was a scientific text. The way I see I was doing a favor, contributing, helping.
You do the math and take your own conclusions.
thanks all
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Hey Brazillian
I'm not trying to be a wiseguy here - but if a post removal from however long ago has you irked enough to mention it again, then maybe you need to look at the amount of resentments you're hanging onto.
Resentments - justified or not - kept me angry and tense and ramped up my anxiety for years.
If you feel a Dr or counsellor is not for you, why not Google around and find some guided relaxations or meditations?
D
I'm not trying to be a wiseguy here - but if a post removal from however long ago has you irked enough to mention it again, then maybe you need to look at the amount of resentments you're hanging onto.
Resentments - justified or not - kept me angry and tense and ramped up my anxiety for years.
If you feel a Dr or counsellor is not for you, why not Google around and find some guided relaxations or meditations?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I still think you got some great advice here.
You can dismiss this if you like, but I think you're dealing with the underlying stuff that you turned to drugs for in the first place - dismissing that stuff as 'just PAWs' won't do you any favours because it will be back.
If your only tool for dealing with these things is pot, that a pretty precarious situation.
that's my 2 cents worth done
D
You can dismiss this if you like, but I think you're dealing with the underlying stuff that you turned to drugs for in the first place - dismissing that stuff as 'just PAWs' won't do you any favours because it will be back.
If your only tool for dealing with these things is pot, that a pretty precarious situation.
that's my 2 cents worth done
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Maybe we need a new thread called hanging on to resentments. ....I know I am guilty of that and your post has me thinking, dee. I don't want it to mess with my sobriety. ..but we are off on a tangent. Glad you made it thru brazilian.....I'm right behind you-my date is feb 8th.
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