renewing my membership
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7
renewing my membership
Hi everybody,
I drank for 15 years, quit at 29yo in 1987 and started the AA recovery program right away. I stayed clean and sober for 27 years. I went to meetings faithfully for 5 years, got a sponsor and really dug the philosophy of why AA works. Then I started going only a few times a week. My life became busier with school and work so I didn't have as much time to go to 2 a day, 7 days/week kind of style.
I had a major changes happen in my life in 1999. I moved to different state in the south. I attended meetings eagerly down here but I did not like the people. I would have less serenity after the meeting than when I arrived. I went to different meetings in different area towns, all the same. I tried a women's group but still felt the same. I was bored with their issues, I never did get a sponsor down here, the one woman I asked just said no. I am considered a yankee down here and that should give you an idea of what else is wrong.
So for the last 7 years I have gone to no meetings at all. I was doing great, swimming for exercise, playing in a bridge group once a week, I have 2 hobbies and now my father in law lives with us, he is 90, and I look after him when my husband is gone.
Four months ago I took a drink. It was Easter, had a glass of wine at family dinner, and yeah, everyone looked at me because they know I am not suppose to drink. They know my story. They gave their opinion that it probably was not a good idea but it was my life and they weren't going to stop me. The wine made me feel really awful and I didn't drink again after that for a month.
But then I started drinking a little bit here and there and if finally made me feel perfect. yeah perfect. But having alcoholism means that after you feel perfect you begin the dependency dance all over again and in 3 weeks time was a wreck every morning. OMG I hate hangovers.
So I went to my doctor on Monday, 7-21 and told him what happened and asked for some Antabuse. He gave me that and some librium in case I had any DT's which I never had in the past, but he is the doctor so I have both now.
Today is my second day of sobriety, not that time ever mattered that much to me because I am a believer of all we have is today. I don't believe in tooting a horn at how much time you have in sobriety after 3 years because it seems egotistical.
BUT when you first get sober it is important because you are developing new habits in your life and it is good to acknowledge that you have been practicing good habits instead of bad ones.
I happily take my Antabuse every day. If I didn't I would compulsively take a drink around 5:00 because that was my trigger time. The librium is too strong and I have the weakest dose. I take a half if I start to feel jittery or impatient with people and that seems more tolerable than 5 mg. I could not talk straight nor walk in a straight line at 5mg.
Anyway, I don't plan on attending meetings here and want to find support online instead. Please help me stay sober in an online community. This is how I want to do it.
Malkina
I drank for 15 years, quit at 29yo in 1987 and started the AA recovery program right away. I stayed clean and sober for 27 years. I went to meetings faithfully for 5 years, got a sponsor and really dug the philosophy of why AA works. Then I started going only a few times a week. My life became busier with school and work so I didn't have as much time to go to 2 a day, 7 days/week kind of style.
I had a major changes happen in my life in 1999. I moved to different state in the south. I attended meetings eagerly down here but I did not like the people. I would have less serenity after the meeting than when I arrived. I went to different meetings in different area towns, all the same. I tried a women's group but still felt the same. I was bored with their issues, I never did get a sponsor down here, the one woman I asked just said no. I am considered a yankee down here and that should give you an idea of what else is wrong.
So for the last 7 years I have gone to no meetings at all. I was doing great, swimming for exercise, playing in a bridge group once a week, I have 2 hobbies and now my father in law lives with us, he is 90, and I look after him when my husband is gone.
Four months ago I took a drink. It was Easter, had a glass of wine at family dinner, and yeah, everyone looked at me because they know I am not suppose to drink. They know my story. They gave their opinion that it probably was not a good idea but it was my life and they weren't going to stop me. The wine made me feel really awful and I didn't drink again after that for a month.
But then I started drinking a little bit here and there and if finally made me feel perfect. yeah perfect. But having alcoholism means that after you feel perfect you begin the dependency dance all over again and in 3 weeks time was a wreck every morning. OMG I hate hangovers.
So I went to my doctor on Monday, 7-21 and told him what happened and asked for some Antabuse. He gave me that and some librium in case I had any DT's which I never had in the past, but he is the doctor so I have both now.
Today is my second day of sobriety, not that time ever mattered that much to me because I am a believer of all we have is today. I don't believe in tooting a horn at how much time you have in sobriety after 3 years because it seems egotistical.
BUT when you first get sober it is important because you are developing new habits in your life and it is good to acknowledge that you have been practicing good habits instead of bad ones.
I happily take my Antabuse every day. If I didn't I would compulsively take a drink around 5:00 because that was my trigger time. The librium is too strong and I have the weakest dose. I take a half if I start to feel jittery or impatient with people and that seems more tolerable than 5 mg. I could not talk straight nor walk in a straight line at 5mg.
Anyway, I don't plan on attending meetings here and want to find support online instead. Please help me stay sober in an online community. This is how I want to do it.
Malkina
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, Malkina. I am glad you are here with us. I joined SR 11 months ago, after 20 years of nearly non-stop drinking. I have been sober since the day I joined. For me, the support and wisdom that I have received here have been enough to keep me sober. I have never been in treatment or to an AA meeting.
Everyone is different, but as long as SR helps me remain sober, it will continue to be my sole resource.
Good luck. I hope you will post often.
Everyone is different, but as long as SR helps me remain sober, it will continue to be my sole resource.
Good luck. I hope you will post often.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7
I was not sure if this was a place that accepted online sobriety as a means to stay sober. In 1999 there was internet, but not as we know it today. Talking with others, or rather typing to others is almost like journalizing so that in itself has to be helpful. I just know from experience that I need some connection again with others that are like me.
This is so cool!
This is so cool!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Malinka, SR is great place to find support. I respect your decision to use SR rather than AA at this point in time. It may be exactly the thing that will help you .
I have just one thought. Eventually, it might be a good thing for others in AA hear your story. Not just the part about someone who had stopped going to meetings altogether and came to believe they might safely drink again. I think that's always beneficial for people to hear. But also to hear a story about someone who had trouble adjusting to meetings in a different part of the country. Perhaps sharing this part of your experience could eventually have some effect on how some of the local folks react to certain types of newcomers. I think sometimes we are presented with opportunities that can have far reaching positive effects. Effects that can ripple outwards and influence others beyond what we can imagine.
I'm also tempted to suggest that you tell them that AA was started by a couple of Yankees... but that's probably not the best idea I've had today.
I have just one thought. Eventually, it might be a good thing for others in AA hear your story. Not just the part about someone who had stopped going to meetings altogether and came to believe they might safely drink again. I think that's always beneficial for people to hear. But also to hear a story about someone who had trouble adjusting to meetings in a different part of the country. Perhaps sharing this part of your experience could eventually have some effect on how some of the local folks react to certain types of newcomers. I think sometimes we are presented with opportunities that can have far reaching positive effects. Effects that can ripple outwards and influence others beyond what we can imagine.
I'm also tempted to suggest that you tell them that AA was started by a couple of Yankees... but that's probably not the best idea I've had today.
to SR and I completely second Awuh1 post Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: MPLS, MN
Posts: 164
It's stories like these that I cherish. Not that I'm taking pleasure in your relapse, I'm not, I'm very sorry this happened to you and I wish all the best in getting back to your normal. But 27 years of sobriety is 26 more than me and you still face the same consequence when you decide to have a drink. It's never over. But you also showed great strength in taking action and not beating yourself up over it. You can't, feeling sorry for yourself will not help. You want to make yourself not feel guilty then what happened must be water under the bridge and to make up for it is another 27 years
When I quit I went to one AA meeting and that was it. I spent my first few months on here reading stories like this and talking it out with people. It was my AA. It helped me along with some other recovery plans I had. I don't come here as often anymore but I still pop in and babble away. I'm all for whatever works. AA, therapy, treatment, god, whatever, as long as it keeps you from drinking and not destroying your life then it's OK by me. Welcome aboard.
When I quit I went to one AA meeting and that was it. I spent my first few months on here reading stories like this and talking it out with people. It was my AA. It helped me along with some other recovery plans I had. I don't come here as often anymore but I still pop in and babble away. I'm all for whatever works. AA, therapy, treatment, god, whatever, as long as it keeps you from drinking and not destroying your life then it's OK by me. Welcome aboard.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Malkina,
Sounds very similar to the way I felt! Moved from Chicago to MS. Every time I opened my mouth people asked me where are I was from. So, I did not get sober and felt pretty isolated.
Then, things got bad enough for me and the desire to quit so strong I made the decision to go to meetings. At first it was kind of tough. But, as the book states look for the similarities in people and not differences. After awhile, in my case - I realized it wasn't other peoples preconceptions of me that was the problem the converse was true. I was difficult to approach and pre-judging folks.
During a share one night I exclaimed how genuine friends from the South were and I would never go back North. So, yea maybe a little fudging on my part but I needed HELP.
For whatever reason, God had put me here. Soon things got better and I felt more accepted.
MAYBE, I wasn't more or less accepted in reality - but my mind had more comfort in feeling that way. For me it worked.
Glad you are here - I recently joined myself!!! ( not that I was coming apart.....haahaaa)
Peace, and Welcome!
Sounds very similar to the way I felt! Moved from Chicago to MS. Every time I opened my mouth people asked me where are I was from. So, I did not get sober and felt pretty isolated.
Then, things got bad enough for me and the desire to quit so strong I made the decision to go to meetings. At first it was kind of tough. But, as the book states look for the similarities in people and not differences. After awhile, in my case - I realized it wasn't other peoples preconceptions of me that was the problem the converse was true. I was difficult to approach and pre-judging folks.
During a share one night I exclaimed how genuine friends from the South were and I would never go back North. So, yea maybe a little fudging on my part but I needed HELP.
For whatever reason, God had put me here. Soon things got better and I felt more accepted.
MAYBE, I wasn't more or less accepted in reality - but my mind had more comfort in feeling that way. For me it worked.
Glad you are here - I recently joined myself!!! ( not that I was coming apart.....haahaaa)
Peace, and Welcome!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I stopped going to meetings after about thirteen years of sobriety. More importantly, I stopped practicing what I'd learned in AA from the AA Big Book Twelve Steps, and my life slowly and insidiously went down the toilet, my personal and professional successes providing cover for my not taking care of myself as I needed to, and offering a false sense of personal competency without further need for "outside help." I was living the nightmare and, as is inevitable, didn't realize it until I woke up so many years later.
An additional twelve years after all this began, I picked up the drink. After a very ugly three-year relapse, I'd lost everything and everyone dear to me in life. There has been nothing in my life that has been so difficult and so painful as getting sober again and rebuilding my life following that relapse. After almost three years back -- and very much to my surprise -- I've been able to build a much better life again, and I don't know that I've ever been happier.
When you get sober, stay sober. Relapse always ends in tears...And if you're very lucky, that's where it stops.
An additional twelve years after all this began, I picked up the drink. After a very ugly three-year relapse, I'd lost everything and everyone dear to me in life. There has been nothing in my life that has been so difficult and so painful as getting sober again and rebuilding my life following that relapse. After almost three years back -- and very much to my surprise -- I've been able to build a much better life again, and I don't know that I've ever been happier.
When you get sober, stay sober. Relapse always ends in tears...And if you're very lucky, that's where it stops.
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