Unsure as to where I stand
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Doublefelix, WOW!!!!
Super duper congrats on everything you have done to change your life! A year of sobriety, awesome! Fundraising and getting your top surgery, awesome!!
It feels good to have the life you want, doesn't it? Sobriety doesn't always give us what we want, but it gives us what we need and teaches us how to really live.
Congrats, man!!
Super duper congrats on everything you have done to change your life! A year of sobriety, awesome! Fundraising and getting your top surgery, awesome!!
It feels good to have the life you want, doesn't it? Sobriety doesn't always give us what we want, but it gives us what we need and teaches us how to really live.
Congrats, man!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
December 12th will be 17 months sober!
Things are going pretty well. I'm about to turn 26 and not be on my parents' health insurance anymore. Thankfully I qualified for Medicaid recently so I have some form of coverage, which isn't guaranteed here in the US (which is awful, but that's it's own topic). I hope to use my insurance to help cover a gym membership that has a pool so I can start swimming and using the sauna to combat my depression, which always gets worse in the winter. (Has anyone else tried this?)
I also want to start going to physical therapy. I've needed physical therapy for a long time - all my life, really - but haven't been able to afford it. Hopefully the insurance will cover it, you never really know with these things here.
Still seeing my therapist and slowly making progress unpacking childhood baggage. I've become really good at emotionally protecting myself over the years, building up walls and the like - which is useful coping strategy but gets in the way of really feeling your feelings, as they say. One of my favorite parts of drinking was that (oddly) it took away my anxiety and allowed me to access some of the deep feelings I've buried (in a messy, illusionary type of way). I wanted to feel these things but only when protected under layers of alcohol. I still have doubt that I can really deal with these feelings sober. It feels like they could bury me so it's easier to just avoid. I'm trying my best, though.
Have been to one AA meeting which I liked but haven't been back yet. I did get a 24 hour chip when I went, and I like to carry that with me. I've always liked to have little things to help me remember my commitments.
I've fully recovered from my surgery which is great! I realized recently that during my recovery period I worked hard to take really good care of myself: I drank lots of water, ate good foods, slept a lot, and in general just treated myself really gently and well. But after that short period I went back to my usual half-caring (if that) sort of mode. I've always struggled with being there for myself. It occurred to me that I can make my day-to-day recovery more like my recovery from surgery. In fact, I don't know why I see them as different things, because they're both about deepening one's healing. Perhaps I still have shame around my recovery from alcoholism and see it more as just work, as opposed as an opportunity to treat myself well.
One other update is that my partner and I adopted a cat. In fact se's sitting here next to me as a type this! We've had her a few months now and she's becoming quite the little friend. Having a little pal to look out for is another thing that keeps me sober. I know I couldn't take care of her if I was drinking, that's for sure.
Things are going pretty well. I'm about to turn 26 and not be on my parents' health insurance anymore. Thankfully I qualified for Medicaid recently so I have some form of coverage, which isn't guaranteed here in the US (which is awful, but that's it's own topic). I hope to use my insurance to help cover a gym membership that has a pool so I can start swimming and using the sauna to combat my depression, which always gets worse in the winter. (Has anyone else tried this?)
I also want to start going to physical therapy. I've needed physical therapy for a long time - all my life, really - but haven't been able to afford it. Hopefully the insurance will cover it, you never really know with these things here.
Still seeing my therapist and slowly making progress unpacking childhood baggage. I've become really good at emotionally protecting myself over the years, building up walls and the like - which is useful coping strategy but gets in the way of really feeling your feelings, as they say. One of my favorite parts of drinking was that (oddly) it took away my anxiety and allowed me to access some of the deep feelings I've buried (in a messy, illusionary type of way). I wanted to feel these things but only when protected under layers of alcohol. I still have doubt that I can really deal with these feelings sober. It feels like they could bury me so it's easier to just avoid. I'm trying my best, though.
Have been to one AA meeting which I liked but haven't been back yet. I did get a 24 hour chip when I went, and I like to carry that with me. I've always liked to have little things to help me remember my commitments.
I've fully recovered from my surgery which is great! I realized recently that during my recovery period I worked hard to take really good care of myself: I drank lots of water, ate good foods, slept a lot, and in general just treated myself really gently and well. But after that short period I went back to my usual half-caring (if that) sort of mode. I've always struggled with being there for myself. It occurred to me that I can make my day-to-day recovery more like my recovery from surgery. In fact, I don't know why I see them as different things, because they're both about deepening one's healing. Perhaps I still have shame around my recovery from alcoholism and see it more as just work, as opposed as an opportunity to treat myself well.
One other update is that my partner and I adopted a cat. In fact se's sitting here next to me as a type this! We've had her a few months now and she's becoming quite the little friend. Having a little pal to look out for is another thing that keeps me sober. I know I couldn't take care of her if I was drinking, that's for sure.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Fantastic, I'm so happy for you DF! It sounds like you have made so much progress over the past 17 months, that is such an inspiration.
Congratulations on your new cat too!
Thank you for checking in, this was so great to read.
Congratulations on your new cat too!
Thank you for checking in, this was so great to read.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
It's been a really long time since I have posted. I wanted to update my thread and share that I am still sober! As of April 12, 2017 I am 2 years and 9 months without booze or drugs.
In these past 2 years and 9 months I have:
- gone from part time to full time work
- received a live enhancing surgery
- started therapy and eventually got medicated for depression and anxiety
These two things have been a gamechanger for me. Due to past negative experiences, I was quite resistant to therapy and even more so to medication. I have found both to be extremely helpful, however. The importance of finding the right combo of therapist and meds (if you need 'em) can't really be overstated. I was very lucky to find a good therapist who offered sliding scale prices so I could afford his services. I wish such care was available to everyone. I dunno what it is like in other countries, but in the USA it tragically often comes down to luck.
- I picked a few hobbies and focused on them:
I took sewing classes, bought a vintage sewing machine off eBay and have sewn a few garments for myself - including a shirt, shorts, and two pairs of pants. Anyone who sews can tell you how humbling, frustrating, and time intensive it is, but it is equally rewarding and satisfying. There really is nothing like wearing something you made that fits in your favorite color.
I also try to go to the gym and do yoga once a week. Again, the gym membership is covered by my insurance (Medicaid) and the yoga is offered at a reduced price.
I still read books in Spanish (from the library) and have learned a lot.
- I have also really enjoyed being included in a Jewish community (through my partner). As someone raised in fierce atheism this is a huge, ongoing change for me that I am grateful for and excited to be enjoying so much. The level of comfort and connection I have felt in those spaces with others has been pretty profound, even if at times it feels foreign and vulnerable.
A lot of people here talk about faith, and at first I really didn't know what they meant. In the beginning I worried more about placing my faith in the perfect "right" place, but eventually I realized that, for me, the first step was to let myself believe in faith before worrying too much about where it was going. I don't necessarily have faith in a traditional idea of God/Higher Power (not as a rebuff those that do!) but I have learned to cultivate faith in the power of little changes leading to big ones, if given the time to grow. And most importantly, I've had to work really hard to believe that I am worthy of being the recipient of my own trust. And interestingly enough - all of this started in me listening to my gut and posting here, asking for help and guidance and getting some great support in return.
I hope this list doesn't read as bragging, or like promises from an infomercial. Most of my days are pretty standard - get up, go to work, watch TV with loved ones - the constants are that I don't drink, and I push myself a little bit every day (in varying amounts) to build the life I want to live. Another thing that needs to be pointed out is how much support and access to resources I have been lucky to receive. There is no shame in needing things for free or reduced cost, especially if you live on a small amount of money like I do. (Knowing there's no shame is one thing, feeling that way is another - I'm still working on the second part!)
So if you're someone who couldn't imagine getting through the day without drinking, if you're someone who doesn't know what your relationship with booze is but knows it isn't good - I'm here again to add to the chorus of voices that say that sobriety is possible, recovery is possible, and that things you would've never imagined gracing your life are waiting to be found. Don't give up!!
Thanks to everyone at SR for what you do.
Abrazotes,
DoubleFelix
In these past 2 years and 9 months I have:
- gone from part time to full time work
- received a live enhancing surgery
- started therapy and eventually got medicated for depression and anxiety
These two things have been a gamechanger for me. Due to past negative experiences, I was quite resistant to therapy and even more so to medication. I have found both to be extremely helpful, however. The importance of finding the right combo of therapist and meds (if you need 'em) can't really be overstated. I was very lucky to find a good therapist who offered sliding scale prices so I could afford his services. I wish such care was available to everyone. I dunno what it is like in other countries, but in the USA it tragically often comes down to luck.
- I picked a few hobbies and focused on them:
I took sewing classes, bought a vintage sewing machine off eBay and have sewn a few garments for myself - including a shirt, shorts, and two pairs of pants. Anyone who sews can tell you how humbling, frustrating, and time intensive it is, but it is equally rewarding and satisfying. There really is nothing like wearing something you made that fits in your favorite color.
I also try to go to the gym and do yoga once a week. Again, the gym membership is covered by my insurance (Medicaid) and the yoga is offered at a reduced price.
I still read books in Spanish (from the library) and have learned a lot.
- I have also really enjoyed being included in a Jewish community (through my partner). As someone raised in fierce atheism this is a huge, ongoing change for me that I am grateful for and excited to be enjoying so much. The level of comfort and connection I have felt in those spaces with others has been pretty profound, even if at times it feels foreign and vulnerable.
A lot of people here talk about faith, and at first I really didn't know what they meant. In the beginning I worried more about placing my faith in the perfect "right" place, but eventually I realized that, for me, the first step was to let myself believe in faith before worrying too much about where it was going. I don't necessarily have faith in a traditional idea of God/Higher Power (not as a rebuff those that do!) but I have learned to cultivate faith in the power of little changes leading to big ones, if given the time to grow. And most importantly, I've had to work really hard to believe that I am worthy of being the recipient of my own trust. And interestingly enough - all of this started in me listening to my gut and posting here, asking for help and guidance and getting some great support in return.
I hope this list doesn't read as bragging, or like promises from an infomercial. Most of my days are pretty standard - get up, go to work, watch TV with loved ones - the constants are that I don't drink, and I push myself a little bit every day (in varying amounts) to build the life I want to live. Another thing that needs to be pointed out is how much support and access to resources I have been lucky to receive. There is no shame in needing things for free or reduced cost, especially if you live on a small amount of money like I do. (Knowing there's no shame is one thing, feeling that way is another - I'm still working on the second part!)
So if you're someone who couldn't imagine getting through the day without drinking, if you're someone who doesn't know what your relationship with booze is but knows it isn't good - I'm here again to add to the chorus of voices that say that sobriety is possible, recovery is possible, and that things you would've never imagined gracing your life are waiting to be found. Don't give up!!
Thanks to everyone at SR for what you do.
Abrazotes,
DoubleFelix
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by DoubleFelix 
It's been a really long time since I have posted. I wanted to update my thread and share that I am still sober! As of April 12, 2017 I am 2 years and 9 months without booze or drugs.
In these past 2 years and 9 months I have:
- gone from part time to full time work
- received a live enhancing surgery
- started therapy and eventually got medicated for depression and anxiety
These two things have been a gamechanger for me. Due to past negative experiences, I was quite resistant to therapy and even more so to medication. I have found both to be extremely helpful, however. The importance of finding the right combo of therapist and meds (if you need 'em) can't really be overstated. I was very lucky to find a good therapist who offered sliding scale prices so I could afford his services. I wish such care was available to everyone. I dunno what it is like in other countries, but in the USA it tragically often comes down to luck.
- I picked a few hobbies and focused on them:
I took sewing classes, bought a vintage sewing machine off eBay and have sewn a few garments for myself - including a shirt, shorts, and two pairs of pants. Anyone who sews can tell you how humbling, frustrating, and time intensive it is, but it is equally rewarding and satisfying. There really is nothing like wearing something you made that fits in your favorite color.
I also try to go to the gym and do yoga once a week. Again, the gym membership is covered by my insurance (Medicaid) and the yoga is offered at a reduced price.
I still read books in Spanish (from the library) and have learned a lot.
- I have also really enjoyed being included in a Jewish community (through my partner). As someone raised in fierce atheism this is a huge, ongoing change for me that I am grateful for and excited to be enjoying so much. The level of comfort and connection I have felt in those spaces with others has been pretty profound, even if at times it feels foreign and vulnerable.
A lot of people here talk about faith, and at first I really didn't know what they meant. In the beginning I worried more about placing my faith in the perfect "right" place, but eventually I realized that, for me, the first step was to let myself believe in faith before worrying too much about where it was going. I don't necessarily have faith in a traditional idea of God/Higher Power (not as a rebuff those that do!) but I have learned to cultivate faith in the power of little changes leading to big ones, if given the time to grow. And most importantly, I've had to work really hard to believe that I am worthy of being the recipient of my own trust. And interestingly enough - all of this started in me listening to my gut and posting here, asking for help and guidance and getting some great support in return.
I hope this list doesn't read as bragging, or like promises from an infomercial. Most of my days are pretty standard - get up, go to work, watch TV with loved ones - the constants are that I don't drink, and I push myself a little bit every day (in varying amounts) to build the life I want to live. Another thing that needs to be pointed out is how much support and access to resources I have been lucky to receive. There is no shame in needing things for free or reduced cost, especially if you live on a small amount of money like I do. (Knowing there's no shame is one thing, feeling that way is another - I'm still working on the second part!)
So if you're someone who couldn't imagine getting through the day without drinking, if you're someone who doesn't know what your relationship with booze is but knows it isn't good - I'm here again to add to the chorus of voices that say that sobriety is possible, recovery is possible, and that things you would've never imagined gracing your life are waiting to be found. Don't give up!!
Thanks to everyone at SR for what you do.
Abrazotes,
DoubleFelix
In these past 2 years and 9 months I have:
- gone from part time to full time work
- received a live enhancing surgery
- started therapy and eventually got medicated for depression and anxiety
These two things have been a gamechanger for me. Due to past negative experiences, I was quite resistant to therapy and even more so to medication. I have found both to be extremely helpful, however. The importance of finding the right combo of therapist and meds (if you need 'em) can't really be overstated. I was very lucky to find a good therapist who offered sliding scale prices so I could afford his services. I wish such care was available to everyone. I dunno what it is like in other countries, but in the USA it tragically often comes down to luck.
- I picked a few hobbies and focused on them:
I took sewing classes, bought a vintage sewing machine off eBay and have sewn a few garments for myself - including a shirt, shorts, and two pairs of pants. Anyone who sews can tell you how humbling, frustrating, and time intensive it is, but it is equally rewarding and satisfying. There really is nothing like wearing something you made that fits in your favorite color.
I also try to go to the gym and do yoga once a week. Again, the gym membership is covered by my insurance (Medicaid) and the yoga is offered at a reduced price.
I still read books in Spanish (from the library) and have learned a lot.
- I have also really enjoyed being included in a Jewish community (through my partner). As someone raised in fierce atheism this is a huge, ongoing change for me that I am grateful for and excited to be enjoying so much. The level of comfort and connection I have felt in those spaces with others has been pretty profound, even if at times it feels foreign and vulnerable.
A lot of people here talk about faith, and at first I really didn't know what they meant. In the beginning I worried more about placing my faith in the perfect "right" place, but eventually I realized that, for me, the first step was to let myself believe in faith before worrying too much about where it was going. I don't necessarily have faith in a traditional idea of God/Higher Power (not as a rebuff those that do!) but I have learned to cultivate faith in the power of little changes leading to big ones, if given the time to grow. And most importantly, I've had to work really hard to believe that I am worthy of being the recipient of my own trust. And interestingly enough - all of this started in me listening to my gut and posting here, asking for help and guidance and getting some great support in return.
I hope this list doesn't read as bragging, or like promises from an infomercial. Most of my days are pretty standard - get up, go to work, watch TV with loved ones - the constants are that I don't drink, and I push myself a little bit every day (in varying amounts) to build the life I want to live. Another thing that needs to be pointed out is how much support and access to resources I have been lucky to receive. There is no shame in needing things for free or reduced cost, especially if you live on a small amount of money like I do. (Knowing there's no shame is one thing, feeling that way is another - I'm still working on the second part!)
So if you're someone who couldn't imagine getting through the day without drinking, if you're someone who doesn't know what your relationship with booze is but knows it isn't good - I'm here again to add to the chorus of voices that say that sobriety is possible, recovery is possible, and that things you would've never imagined gracing your life are waiting to be found. Don't give up!!
Thanks to everyone at SR for what you do.
Abrazotes,
DoubleFelix
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