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Motivation Please? And ramblings...

Old 07-23-2014, 10:51 AM
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Unhappy Motivation Please? And ramblings...

In 2 days, I will be off alcohol the longest I have in over a year and a half. It is day 5 for me. I am proud that I haven't been sitting wallowing in too much self pity, and being a a lot more productive than I thought I would be. I ALWAYS feel better when things are organized, clean etc. A healthy, uncluttered environment reflects my inner state. When Ive been perma drunk, obviously Ive let things around here go to ****. So my priority right now is to organize house, then coverall, then barn. And look after myself. My boyfriend Greg just thinks I should be working my butt off outside, and I understand where he is coming from....Ive been slacking, and wants to see me doing more OUTSIDE. But he doesn't understand the little things I have done outside right now are HUGE improvements for me considering how Ive been feeling. Also, Im a Facebook addict, and when he sees me on the computer (even though Im on here) I fear he thinks Im just wasting my time messing about. I am improving, and it wont happen overnight that I become fully functional. I struggle with balance, but right now, I think if im sober, it is a successful day. I cant seem to focus....Im quite scattered, so I apologize for the ramblings. Also, when I do work on getting stuff done, Im not very time efficient. I get distracted and overwhelmed.
Im also very proud that I haven't been whining to Greg, or acting too needy. Its been a sensitive and touchy time, and Ive been dealing with this mostly alone, aside from all you lovely folks here. My Mom is a huge support. Greg is a support too, but in the past Ive relied on HIM to make me feel better. That's the codie in me. It doesn't work that way, and Im trying very hard to rely on myself. Greg did say the other day that if I get sober the rest will sort itself out. He is being as patient as he can I think.
My biggest concern right now is that while I haven't drank, I am still on benzodiazepines. I am not physically addicted to them, and I don't want that. Im also on painkillers (I have lyme disease), and while I have never had a problem with them, I want off all drugs totally. Right now, Im happy with no alcohol. That is the priority. I will deal with the benzos and rest when I can...one thing at a time I suppose. I just cant see me being successful with it all at once.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:01 AM
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Slow down and take a breath. Deal with what you are capable of right now. It didn't get broken in a day and it is not going to get fixed in a day.

I too let my house go. I just didn’t care when I drank. I did the bare minimum at best. I am sober 16 months tomorrow and I am just getting to my house. I have four years of spring cleaning to do…lol

It will get done, when it gets done. There is no time table to follow. Recovery is physical and emotional. It left me tired quite often. I did what I could and small things made me feel a little better. Cleaning out the fridge or one cupboard made me feel I got at least something done. I am sure no one would have noticed but I noticed and felt better and that is important.

Staring at one clean cupboard for ten minutes made me happy, I am sure others thought it would have been dumb if they were sitting next to me, but whatever. I got something done.

Give it time! One day at a time.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:08 AM
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Small steps, Rome wasn't built in a day or 5 days!! Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get there!!

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Old 07-23-2014, 11:16 AM
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For me, it feels like sobriety is my very first actual "boundary". My interior coast guard has been on drunken shore leave for....ever it seems. Manning sobriety is exhausting work at first. Everybody has an opinion and a suggestion sometimes. Recovery is hard work and in the beginning we have to take it real easy on expectation from ourselves and others. You and you alone...have dominion over your sober world. It's scary stuff. Some of us require the structure of a step by step program which can be incredibly helpful when lost.

All you really have to do today...is stay sober. The beginning is the hardest : )
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by GracieLou View Post

It will get done, when it gets done. There is no time table to follow. Recovery is physical and emotional. It left me tired quite often. I did what I could and small things made me feel a little better. Cleaning out the fridge or one cupboard made me feel I got at least something done. I am sure no one would have noticed but I noticed and felt better and that is important.

Staring at one clean cupboard for ten minutes made me happy, I am sure others thought it would have been dumb if they were sitting next to me, but whatever. I got something done.

Give it time! One day at a time.
That's is EXACTLY what I mean. One little thing to others is HUGE for me right now. Thanks.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:26 AM
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I think that even if I live on this site to stay sober over the hardest hump of it, and I stay sober, that's success to me (as long as I make sure my furbabies, big and small, are cared for of course).
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:28 AM
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Im still having appetite issues, and it doesn't help that all we have is a wee little bar fridge with next to nothing in it because our fridge bit the dust when lightning struck our house a few days ago. So Im drinking lots of water and herbal tea, trying broth and vegetable juice, vitamin supplements and coconut oil to try and keep my strength up.
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