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Life changes

Old 07-22-2014, 11:10 PM
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Life changes

Hello. I am almost 9 months sober and I am dealing with serious changes that scare me. Later this week I will receive a graduate degree . On the same day I am moving to a new town where I will be living in a new apt. In three weeks I will begin school again to earn my doctorate. I'm also going to try and maintain a long distance relationship with a so I love very much. Today I packed up and I am so nervous about everything. To be perfectly honest I am freaking out inside and I have no one to talk to really. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with huge changes and staying sober? I'm trying to build a future for myself but I have to remain sober. A part of me feels like I should be happy but I am not at all. I'm more proud of quitting drinking than I am of anything else.
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Old 07-22-2014, 11:54 PM
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Change is difficult for a lot of us.

I had to move towns at 6 months for various reasons.

I found it very stressful....but I know drinking wouldn't take away that stress, only compound.

Try and give yourself reasonable goals each day...write lists if you need to....
use your support network as much as you can...

and remember - we've faced change before...everything usually turns out ok, even tho it may be a little weird and strange at first.

Don't get up in what ifs - you be ok Ach

D
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:39 AM
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First off, congrats! A Master's is awesome and a Doctorate will place you in "rare air" educationally. I am only just getting close to my Bachelor's now so I can scarcely imagine what it must be like for you. Getting the first advanced degree must have been like summiting Everest; now it's as if you're getting on a rocket bound for space! I suppose it's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

Change is a strange thing. It is exciting and terrifying, too. We humans seem to like a balance between rote and novelty, and too much of one upsets our equilibrium. It's not unusual that you're feeling out of sorts. It seems like it would be strange if you weren't.

It's also not really that odd that sobriety is your proudest accomplishment. It's probably the thing I'm most proud of, too.

I'm not sure what advice I can offer except to stay grounded by the things you love. It sounds like your SO is a "North star" to you. Maybe SR is another anchor that will steady you as the world as your experience it is spinning. Let sobriety keep you focused and hold on to that little bit of control it gives you in a world that maybe feels a little out of control right now.

Most of all have a bit of faith. Faith in yourself, your sobriety. Trust yourself that you're on the path you need to be on.
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:55 AM
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Hi Acheleus - I am 2.5 months sober and today I felt really anxious. I'm not facing as much change as you but I am about to take on a big new challenge at work. I am scared - most of all I'm scared about how well others perceive I can do the job. I hope in time I will not become so fearful of new challenges and change!

Anyway, the biggest thing for me is accepting that I have to sit with my nerves, get on with it and they will pass. Facing reality is the only option for me - I can't drown my anxious feelings with alcohol any more.
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:24 AM
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Yes, I will be sober 2 years Aug 1. In that time, I've moved, changed jobs, had to enroll my children in new schools, mom passed away (which is why I quit 3months to the day she died)... I took this as all GOOD. sort of a fresh start to go with being sober. No one knew me i this town, I wasn't ashamed to see the liquor store clerks out and about, etc. I didn't dwell on the negative, only positive. Joined a gym, volunteer at a state park for clean up. You can sort of re invent who you truly want to be without any baggage. I'm quite happy with the change.
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:28 AM
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damn... that's a LOT of changes, all at once. It'll no doubt be a real test for you in many ways.

You can make it through this test, though... and you can do it sober. Doing it sober will be so rewarding and you will learn and grow so much.

Try to support yourself in the process. Re-emphasize the tools that have helped you get through NINE MONTHS of sobriety (awesome! well done!) and just keep on track.

You can do this!
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:43 AM
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Oh Acheleus, in all of this stop looking forward and looking back and be in the moment. You never knew if you could last the distance and

You've earned this graduate degree that you often thought you may not;
You are 9 months sober despite you doubting your ability to stay sober; and
You are reaching for even more.


Step away from fears and worries and focus on what you have achieved. You did it Acheleus, you did it all.
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:49 AM
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Changes like that are invariably positive in hindsight. Usually you'll look back and say to yourself, "I don't know what I got so worked up about". Congratulations on your degree and acceptance to the doctoral program. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Long distance relationships sometimes fall though. I would just consider the possibility ahead of time and plan how you can get through that sober, if it comes up. I have read your posts for quite some time now, and that to me seems like it presents a risk. But I am sure you will be fine.

Good luck!
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:02 AM
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My sponsor would tell me those are high class problems. I am going through a situation where fear anxiety and pain are overwhelming. How do I do it? A day at a time.

If we have one foot in the past and one foot in the future we will pee all over today

Live today and god will take care if the rest
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:08 AM
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Thank you Marcher and everyone else. Yes I think the long distance thing will be difficult. I'm completely in love but I know I have to put my sobriety first. I will also be studying law, a subject I have never studied before. So I guess you could say I am trying to make up for lost time. So much of my drinking was wasting time, and now I feel like I want to push myself to have the life I have always dreamed about. I'm going to miss my gf a lot, but I am going to enjoy the moment and let the future come when it comes, because nothing I can do will prevent its arrival.

I just do not want to drink ever again.
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:26 AM
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Hi and congratulations on your accomplishments so far.

At the meeting I attended yesterday the topic were 2 words mostly disliked in sobriety. We need to CHANGE to get and stay sober and it takes TIME.
We only have one minute, hour or one day at a time in this life so there is a need to accept it and practice EASY DOES IT.
I’m fortunate to be sober for a lot of years and change is at the top of the list of requirements to get and stay sober. Many times it’s not easy and with myself one thing I needed to do was practice discipline as many of us are undisciplined when drinking.
I’ve seen far too many not able to maintain sobriety because change was too difficult and accept.
BE WELL
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:49 AM
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Originally Posted by ESD907 View Post
Yes, I will be sober 2 years Aug 1. In that time, I've moved, changed jobs, had to enroll my children in new schools, mom passed away (which is why I quit 3months to the day she died)... I took this as all GOOD. sort of a fresh start to go with being sober. No one knew me i this town, I wasn't ashamed to see the liquor store clerks out and about, etc. I didn't dwell on the negative, only positive. Joined a gym, volunteer at a state park for clean up. You can sort of re invent who you truly want to be without any baggage. I'm quite happy with the change.
wow, that's pretty damn incredible ESD. Good for you.

I love the "Re-inventing without the baggage" part. thanks for sharing that!
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:50 AM
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and ACH - MAJOR CONGRATS on the Bachelors degree and 9 months. THAT is pretty frikken incredible as well.
stay close to here!
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Old 07-23-2014, 05:06 AM
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Congrats on your accomplishments.

Originally Posted by Acheleus View Post
I just do not want to drink ever again.
To me, there are too many words in that sentence. I tend to boil things down until I'm left with only what I really mean to do. If I leave out some words it becomes:

"I do want to drink again"

That's not what I want.

"I drink, again."

That would be disappointing.



"I do not drink"

Not quite. Use the contraction. No wiggle room.

"I don't drink"

or even

"I drink not"

That's clear, definite, and final.

Best wishes.
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Old 07-23-2014, 05:06 AM
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Are you still going to meetings?

If so, I would encourage you to throw yourself into AA after the move. I have to travel a lot for my job and it's always a bit weird being in a new city where I know no one but my coworkers. But every time I walk into a meeting, no matter where I am in the country, it feels like home. It's easy to make friends, get local numbers and find support.

I also live in a college town and people move here all the time. I've seen many people integrate themselves quite quickly through AA. I'd also recommend getting a new, local sponsor. You can do the long distance sponsor thing, but like relationships, it's just a bit harder to maintain one's step work over the phone as opposed to in person.

And good luck in law school! I wish I could say it will be a piece of cake, but it's definitely doable if you stick to your program. Don't let the competitive nature of others get to you. Law school can breed resentments, so you have to let a lot of that stuff just float on by. Although it's been a little while since I graduated (2007), feel free to PM me if you have any basic questions about school or practice.
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Old 07-23-2014, 05:44 AM
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Hey Achelus! I am always so glad to see your updates and I am thrilled that you are doing well! You have accomplished so much. Congratulations! I wish you nothing but the best as you move and begin this new phase of life. I agree that this is an ideal time to reinvent yourself. No one will have the "old Ach" to compare you to. Be the person you want to be.

I hope you will keep posting!
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Acheleus View Post
Hello. I am almost 9 months sober and I am dealing with serious changes that scare me. Later this week I will receive a graduate degree . On the same day I am moving to a new town where I will be living in a new apt. In three weeks I will begin school again to earn my doctorate. I'm also going to try and maintain a long distance relationship with a so I love very much. Today I packed up and I am so nervous about everything. To be perfectly honest I am freaking out inside and I have no one to talk to really. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with huge changes and staying sober? I'm trying to build a future for myself but I have to remain sober. A part of me feels like I should be happy but I am not at all. I'm more proud of quitting drinking than I am of anything else.
Ache! Congratulations to you. You have made tremendous strides. I am so proud of you. Just hang in there and keep doing what you have been doing over the past 9 months. Seriously, look at all the positive changes you have experienced. I know change is tough but just keep on keepin'on!

Way to go!!!
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by trachemys View Post
Congrats on your accomplishments.



To me, there are too many words in that sentence. I tend to boil things down until I'm left with only what I really mean to do. If I leave out some words it becomes:

"I do want to drink again"

That's not what I want.

"I drink, again."

That would be disappointing.



"I do not drink"

Not quite. Use the contraction. No wiggle room.

"I don't drink"

or even

"I drink not"

That's clear, definite, and final.

Best wishes.
Here's one I like even better;

I AM SOBER

Clear, definitive, final, and most of all POSITIVE.

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Old 07-23-2014, 06:21 AM
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I think I broke every rule and had many changes.

One thing I held on to when things got shaky was that NONE of the things that were happening would be happening without my sobriety.

Waking up with a hangover was the last thing I needed.
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