I'm an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 31
I'm an alcoholic
So I guess I just need to admit it. All this time I have been "trying" to quit drinking, but what I have really been doing is hoping I could control it. The thing is, a few times when I drink I can control it (somewhat) and then it fools my brain into thinking I can always do that, which I can't.
So I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I can't control it. I am a binge drinker and I have been keeping track of how many days sober and how many days I drink and I drink about 1/3 of the time. (With some effort of trying to quit all the time, of course).
But when I do drink it's too much, although not always and that is where I fool myself. I am here to finally admit that I am an alcoholic. I can't control it and I have one of two choices: Keep drinking or quit.
So I am choosing to quit. Today is Day One and I could use all the support you all can offer.
Any advice on what to do that is fun to fill my sober time would be appreciated and just what anyone else has done to get sober I would like to know, especially in the first week or two which I know will probably be the hardest.
Thanks everyone.
So I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I can't control it. I am a binge drinker and I have been keeping track of how many days sober and how many days I drink and I drink about 1/3 of the time. (With some effort of trying to quit all the time, of course).
But when I do drink it's too much, although not always and that is where I fool myself. I am here to finally admit that I am an alcoholic. I can't control it and I have one of two choices: Keep drinking or quit.
So I am choosing to quit. Today is Day One and I could use all the support you all can offer.
Any advice on what to do that is fun to fill my sober time would be appreciated and just what anyone else has done to get sober I would like to know, especially in the first week or two which I know will probably be the hardest.
Thanks everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome Mabel!
Congrats on your first day of sobriety! For me, everything I do now is way better and more fun because I can actually remember it in the morning! Deciding to stop is great, but as you've already stated, you've tried the whole time! That's exactly how my drinking was. I would binge drink, swear I never would drink again only to pickup again every 2-3 weeks!
This is a disease and we have to treat it like one! I finally humbled myself and went to AA as suggested to me from a friend and now I almost have 3 months sober! It took me truly hitting rock bottom for me to ask for help. Admitting and accepting are key and then we MUST take action!
Glad you're here!
Congrats on your first day of sobriety! For me, everything I do now is way better and more fun because I can actually remember it in the morning! Deciding to stop is great, but as you've already stated, you've tried the whole time! That's exactly how my drinking was. I would binge drink, swear I never would drink again only to pickup again every 2-3 weeks!
This is a disease and we have to treat it like one! I finally humbled myself and went to AA as suggested to me from a friend and now I almost have 3 months sober! It took me truly hitting rock bottom for me to ask for help. Admitting and accepting are key and then we MUST take action!
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
h Welcome aboard, good decision. I can relate to where you said "I only drink about 1/3 of the time." I used to count my sober days v. drunk days and if I was at a certain ratio, I rationalized that it wasn't that bad. I would say "I've only drank 8 out of the last 18 days, not even half, I have it under control." Nevermind that on those 8 days I had 10-20 drinks each time, and called out of work one day because I was so hungover I couldn't even move, and created numerous new problems in my life because of actions taken on the drunk days. That's the nightmare of pattern binge drinking. There is escape from that in sobriety, I've found it so far, a better way to live.
Originally Posted by Mabel4 
So I guess I just need to admit it. All this time I have been "trying" to quit drinking, but what I have really been doing is hoping I could control it. The thing is, a few times when I drink I can control it (somewhat) and then it fools my brain into thinking I can always do that, which I can't.
So I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I can't control it. I am a binge drinker and I have been keeping track of how many days sober and how many days I drink and I drink about 1/3 of the time. (With some effort of trying to quit all the time, of course).
But when I do drink it's too much, although not always and that is where I fool myself. I am here to finally admit that I am an alcoholic. I can't control it and I have one of two choices: Keep drinking or quit.
So I am choosing to quit. Today is Day One and I could use all the support you all can offer.
Any advice on what to do that is fun to fill my sober time would be appreciated and just what anyone else has done to get sober I would like to know, especially in the first week or two which I know will probably be the hardest.
Thanks everyone.
So I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I can't control it. I am a binge drinker and I have been keeping track of how many days sober and how many days I drink and I drink about 1/3 of the time. (With some effort of trying to quit all the time, of course).
But when I do drink it's too much, although not always and that is where I fool myself. I am here to finally admit that I am an alcoholic. I can't control it and I have one of two choices: Keep drinking or quit.
So I am choosing to quit. Today is Day One and I could use all the support you all can offer.
Any advice on what to do that is fun to fill my sober time would be appreciated and just what anyone else has done to get sober I would like to know, especially in the first week or two which I know will probably be the hardest.
Thanks everyone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 31
Thanks everyone and I can relate to your post SoberHoopsFan. EXACTLY what I do. Try to rationalize it, "I've had X drinks this week, it isn't that bad, I'm not as bad as other people." Good grief. I had to laugh at your post, it sounds so much like me.
How long have you been sober SoberHoopsFan?
How long have you been sober SoberHoopsFan?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
hey Mabel! and welcome!!! 
I'm (was) a binge drinker like yourself so your post resonated with me. I had times where I could control/moderate just fine. Things would be AOK. But then...there were the times that there was absolutely NO control/moderating and it was utter, mass chaos and destruction. Days lost. Withdrawls that I thought were going to kill me.
The last year or so...the binges started getting closer together...they started lasting longer and blackouts just became commonplace. It started seeping into my work life. I got my 2nd DUI in May. I don't even recall buying the booze that set that binge off. I have no recollection of it. Scary crap!!!
WHOA - talk about progressive or what! Didn't see that coming a mile away!!!!
I said to my counsellor recently "I cannot guarantee that every time I drink something bad will happen BUT I CAN guarantee every time something bad did happen...I WAS drinking" Every.time.
Hope you find the strength on this board that I have. Day 72 here
I'm (was) a binge drinker like yourself so your post resonated with me. I had times where I could control/moderate just fine. Things would be AOK. But then...there were the times that there was absolutely NO control/moderating and it was utter, mass chaos and destruction. Days lost. Withdrawls that I thought were going to kill me.
The last year or so...the binges started getting closer together...they started lasting longer and blackouts just became commonplace. It started seeping into my work life. I got my 2nd DUI in May. I don't even recall buying the booze that set that binge off. I have no recollection of it. Scary crap!!!
WHOA - talk about progressive or what! Didn't see that coming a mile away!!!!
I said to my counsellor recently "I cannot guarantee that every time I drink something bad will happen BUT I CAN guarantee every time something bad did happen...I WAS drinking" Every.time.
Hope you find the strength on this board that I have. Day 72 here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 31
Thanks Jupiters. Well, my "control" is having 7 beers. That's the control side. LOL. My "out of control" is having 10 or 12. I mean really, like 7 beers is controlling it?????
It's sad that something that has caused me so much misery is so hard to give up. This part I don't understand. You would think that with all the misery I have had from drinking, (feeling bad, saying nasty things to people, not remembering WHAT I said or did, etc.) that this would be easier to quit.
It's sad that something that has caused me so much misery is so hard to give up. This part I don't understand. You would think that with all the misery I have had from drinking, (feeling bad, saying nasty things to people, not remembering WHAT I said or did, etc.) that this would be easier to quit.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Mabel4
Thanks everyone and I can relate to your post SoberHoopsFan. EXACTLY what I do. Try to rationalize it, "I've had X drinks this week, it isn't that bad, I'm not as bad as other people." Good grief. I had to laugh at your post, it sounds so much like me.
How long have you been sober SoberHoopsFan?
How long have you been sober SoberHoopsFan?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan
h
Welcome aboard, good decision. I can relate to where you said "I only drink about 1/3 of the time." I used to count my sober days v. drunk days and if I was at a certain ratio, I rationalized that it wasn't that bad. I would say "I've only drank 8 out of the last 18 days, not even half, I have it under control." Nevermind that on those 8 days I had 10-20 drinks each time, and called out of work one day because I was so hungover I couldn't even move, and created numerous new problems in my life because of actions taken on the drunk days. That's the nightmare of pattern binge drinking. There is escape from that in sobriety, I've found it so far, a better way to live.
Welcome aboard, good decision. I can relate to where you said "I only drink about 1/3 of the time." I used to count my sober days v. drunk days and if I was at a certain ratio, I rationalized that it wasn't that bad. I would say "I've only drank 8 out of the last 18 days, not even half, I have it under control." Nevermind that on those 8 days I had 10-20 drinks each time, and called out of work one day because I was so hungover I couldn't even move, and created numerous new problems in my life because of actions taken on the drunk days. That's the nightmare of pattern binge drinking. There is escape from that in sobriety, I've found it so far, a better way to live.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by Mabel4
Thanks Jupiters. Well, my "control" is having 7 beers. That's the control side. LOL. My "out of control" is having 10 or 12. I mean really, like 7 beers is controlling it?????
It's sad that something that has caused me so much misery is so hard to give up. This part I don't understand. You would think that with all the misery I have had from drinking, (feeling bad, saying nasty things to people, not remembering WHAT I said or did, etc.) that this would be easier to quit.
It's sad that something that has caused me so much misery is so hard to give up. This part I don't understand. You would think that with all the misery I have had from drinking, (feeling bad, saying nasty things to people, not remembering WHAT I said or did, etc.) that this would be easier to quit.
You mean it wasn't normal for people to drink a 1.5L a night????!!
well, colour me stupid.
we're here now though
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by HockeyGuy
Sounds like me. Backup up even further, no non-alcoholic has those stats readily available in his head, i.e. "I have only drank 8 of the past 18 days". It's best to accept who we are.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by Jupiters
I should have known that by adding checkmarks on my calendar of days I DIDN'T drink, was probably not a normal thing to do.
1. Only drink at home (or conversely, only drink in public)
2. Only drink 12 Coors Light beer or less
3. Drink only between 5pm and 11pm
4. Don't text anyone while drinking. No FB, Twitter, etc. either.
5. Only drink on weekends
Etc etc etc.. I always broke my rules so I don't know why I wrote them out in the first place. I guess now I can say I tried to moderate and failed (about a thousand times).
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Mabel - I'm so glad you joined us. You've come to a wonderful & encouraging place.
I wasted decades of my life insisting I could control my drinking - so it could be fun again. Well, it's never going to be anything but a nightmare. My 'control' led me to 24/7 drinking and complete dependency. You are doing the right thing - congratulations on your choice!
I wasted decades of my life insisting I could control my drinking - so it could be fun again. Well, it's never going to be anything but a nightmare. My 'control' led me to 24/7 drinking and complete dependency. You are doing the right thing - congratulations on your choice!
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by HockeyGuy
Or the thing that I've done more times than I can count.. put rules on my drinking to try and moderate. I.E.:
1. Only drink at home (or conversely, only drink in public)
2. Only drink 12 Coors Light beer or less
3. Drink only between 5pm and 11pm
4. Don't text anyone while drinking. No FB, Twitter, etc. either.
5. Only drink on weekends
Etc etc etc.. I always broke my rules so I don't know why I wrote them out in the first place. I guess now I can say I tried to moderate and failed (about a thousand times).
1. Only drink at home (or conversely, only drink in public)
2. Only drink 12 Coors Light beer or less
3. Drink only between 5pm and 11pm
4. Don't text anyone while drinking. No FB, Twitter, etc. either.
5. Only drink on weekends
Etc etc etc.. I always broke my rules so I don't know why I wrote them out in the first place. I guess now I can say I tried to moderate and failed (about a thousand times).
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 31
Really, it's so funny you guys. If I don't laugh, I'll cry and you have to laugh.
I can so relate HockeyGuy. Last night it was "only drink 7 beers." It ended up being 10.
I have done the "only start drinking at 7 p.m." That didn't work either.
Only drink on WEDNESDAY! Because it's the middle of the week and three days sober and one drinking and three more days sober is "normal." LOL
Stop drinking two or three days before a meeting with a client (that I would be nervous about so I wanted to be sober), but CELEBRATE! after by drinking X amount of beers for doing such a good job.
Only drink on Friday or Saturday nights.
Buy X amount of beers and don't get anymore at the bar down the street. (That didn't work either).
You are right Jupiters, it made us feel like we had control in some weird twisted way, but my "rules" never really worked for me either.
Yep, alcoholic.
I can so relate HockeyGuy. Last night it was "only drink 7 beers." It ended up being 10.
I have done the "only start drinking at 7 p.m." That didn't work either.
Only drink on WEDNESDAY! Because it's the middle of the week and three days sober and one drinking and three more days sober is "normal." LOL
Stop drinking two or three days before a meeting with a client (that I would be nervous about so I wanted to be sober), but CELEBRATE! after by drinking X amount of beers for doing such a good job.
Only drink on Friday or Saturday nights.
Buy X amount of beers and don't get anymore at the bar down the street. (That didn't work either).
You are right Jupiters, it made us feel like we had control in some weird twisted way, but my "rules" never really worked for me either.
Yep, alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by HockeyGuy
Or the thing that I've done more times than I can count.. put rules on my drinking to try and moderate. I.E.:
1. Only drink at home (or conversely, only drink in public)
2. Only drink 12 Coors Light beer or less
3. Drink only between 5pm and 11pm
4. Don't text anyone while drinking. No FB, Twitter, etc. either.
5. Only drink on weekends
Etc etc etc.. I always broke my rules so I don't know why I wrote them out in the first place. I guess now I can say I tried to moderate and failed (about a thousand times).
1. Only drink at home (or conversely, only drink in public)
2. Only drink 12 Coors Light beer or less
3. Drink only between 5pm and 11pm
4. Don't text anyone while drinking. No FB, Twitter, etc. either.
5. Only drink on weekends
Etc etc etc.. I always broke my rules so I don't know why I wrote them out in the first place. I guess now I can say I tried to moderate and failed (about a thousand times).
Not drinking is so much simpler. It's freedom from all that insanity.
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