leviathan

yup. couldnt have said it better.

RolyPoly

Look into AA for agnostics also: We Agnostics and Freethinkers International AA Convention | November 6 - 8, 2014 in Santa Monica, California

Good luck on this journey. If you want sobriety and a better life badly enough you will make it happen.

anotherquitter

"I really don't know if I am ready to go to any meetings. I really want to quit, I'm just not sure how to cope without drinking."...

Can you re-read this and see how contradictory it sounds?

I'm going to paraphrase something that a fellow AA-er says to newcomers:

If you want to learn how to bake a cake, you hang out with a bunch of bakers. If you want to learn how to fix your car, then hang out with a bunch of mechanics.
So doesn't it make sense if you want to quit drinking, and learn how to cope without drinking, then hang out with a bunch of sober people! AA can be that simple.

Oh and btw, below is the AA preamble, said before most meetings. Note the "not affiliated" part, and hopefully that will put your more at ease with meetings that may be held in a church building.

The AA Preamble:

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Dee74

Lots of great advice here NOW

I could have given you a thousand reasons why I couldn't quit or why I couldn't change my life.

None of those reasons mean a damn when you wake up, realise it's twenty years later and the girl, the job, the money, the car and your health have gone.

You're smart to come here now...don't backtrack

D

NightmaresOnWax

It certainly appears to be rhe case

I'm not going to backtrack, I've been busy. I read the whole "alcohol lied to me" book and I went out to buy some supplements.

I'm feeling some pretty serious anxiety, but I'm hanging in there. I need to do this.

gardendiva

Wax, I always recommend The Small Book by Jack Trimpey and Under The Influence by Milam and Ketchum. Helped me tons.

gardendiva

Also, my anxiety went way down after about 3 weeks. It's different for everyone though. Don't give up.

NightmaresOnWax

I will check those out for sure. It seems like yesterday went a little easier because the reading gave me something to do and it showed me some ways to deal with the feelings I am having. Before reading it I had no clue how to handle any of this. I felt totally unprepared, but I needed to quit making excuses and just do it.
Today seems like it has been by far the hardest. It's going on 36 hours since I last drank.
I am starting to calm down now, which seems to be the pattern everyday. Once I get past the initial drive home where I usually start drinking is phase one. It seems to peak where I normally get home and start pounding more beers down before my girlfriend comes home to see how much I'm drinking...then once she walks in it seems like I slowly start calming down and by the time I lay down it's not so bad.
Another side effect I seem to notice is that I've been...call it absent minded. Yesterday I forgot I was on E and drove all the way home noticing, almost running out of gas. I forgot to shave this morning(been doing the same routine for years, never forget things like that) and today I went to buy some non alcoholic beer and almost an hour went by before realizing I only took one of two 6 packs I paid for. I'm not going to bother trying to go back...is this normal? Maybe my routine is changing, so it's throwing me off? Or maybe I am just more aware of stupid little mistakes like that now, so I am being hard on myself?

How long does it normally take before I will start to feel better? Sitting here drinking the non alcoholic beer, i am fine. For some reason it's like the ice cold beer-like taste seems to trick my mind into calming down. It's the last few hours at work and the first 2-3 hours at home each day that have been hell on earth so far. Hopefully it goes away soon.

I want to thank everyone again for all the advice and support. Almost every single reply has had some kind of useful info in it that has helped me.

gardendiva

For the first 6 weeks I couldn't believe how absent minded I was! I joked that I spaced out so much stuff that I may as well have been drunk. I'm close to 4 months now and most of that fogginesss is gone. Another great resource is aaagnostica.org . You can do this!